Wanting your partner to know all of you

I’m someone who’s struggled with so many forms of OCD, taboo thoughts etc., but what has really been kicking me in the butt lately is Real Event OCD. I did something I’m ashamed of before I met my partner, so now while I’m trying to navigate the REOCD itself and learn self compassion, I also have this nagging feeling that my partner deserves to know about my worst moments, because otherwise they can’t love the “real me” and I’m lying to them. The event didn’t hurt anyone, but it’s left me so incredibly ashamed and I know if I didn’t have OCD, I likely would never say anything. But ROCD makes me feel like I’m lying to my partner about who I am if they don’t know. Does anyone relate? I know confessing would be a compulsion, but when these two forms of OCD get tangled it feels impossible to know what to do.

Anonnnnnm

Date posted: 29w

I relate and it's things that have happened so long ago. I confess and then my brain just picks the next thing to worry about lol.

flyana

Date posted: 29w

@Anonnnnnm This. I find that when I confess things, I get only a momentary feeling of relief. Then, new fears pop up, like, “Why did I confess? What does my partner really think of me now? What if we break up and they tell all my darkest secrets to everyone I know?” I think you’re right that those without OCD would likely never share, accept their mistakes, and just move on knowing they won’t do those mistakes again. They might even think, “My partner doesn’t have to know as long as I am truly working on myself and moving on without the intention to make those mistakes again.” I feel you, though — the guilt and desire to confess is so strong, but it will pass. It’s passed for me before, and I’ve thought, “Man, I’m so glad I kept that to myself and worked through it.” My best friend says, “You know you can just… not tell everyone every single thing about yourself, right?” And that really stuck with me. Best of luck to you as you process and heal <3

Anonymous

Date posted: 29w

@flyana I really appreciate this comment, thank you for helping me feel less alone ❤️

ocdnomore1

Date posted: 29w

I can relate also to this. When my gf and me came together like 3 yrs ago i started to tell her EVERYTHING and EVERY misstake I made, specially the sexual ones. I really started to cry each time because of the "relief" - but just moments after there is like; "u didnt tell every detail" I even developed POCD because I started question myself with this behaviour. It sucks.

Anonymous

Date posted: 29w

@ocdnomore1 I’m so sorry, and I completely relate on the POCD front. It’s hard because telling your partner vulnerabilities stems from a good place of wanting to have an open honest relationship. I personally hid parts of my true sexuality (being bi) from my partner for over a year before telling them, and felt such relief when I finally told them and it was no big deal. Unfortunately, despite that being something I am still happy I told them, I think that set me into a pattern of over-confessing.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 29w

I relate, you’re not alone 🫂

Anonnnnnm

Date posted: 23w

Please help (ROCD)!

I have been battling ocd for over a year now and it likes to switch themes. Currently, it’s attacking my relationship with my girlfriend who I’ve been with since I was in high school over 10 years ago. It first began as an intense feeling that I have to leave or break up with her over dumb little things. Then it changed into a lot of guilt for having any thought about another girl. And the worse is feeling this intense guilt for past things I’ve done in the past while in this relationship. We were so young and I was teenager, but I often found myself watching porn, fantasizing about real other people in my life, and getting off to other girls that I may have known. When I was younger I didn’t think it was bad and that it was just a normal teen boy thing, but 10 years later I have so much guilt about it. And yes I’m with the same girl now. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I know I love this girl and I’m ready to propose to her soon. Anyway, these past mistakes I did when I was younger make me feel like a cheater and I can’t stop ruminating about it. I feel like I have to admit every detail and person I’ve ever had a bad thought about. I feel like if I propose to her and don’t tell her everything, that I’m a lair and didn’t give her the full picture. And the other day one of the girls I thought was hot when I was younger, came up in convo and I just went downhill. Now she knows I deal with OCD and she is very supportive, I’ve told her before that I did some bad things, but never all the details. And that’s all my brain keeps telling me to do. I have so much tightness in my chest and just want to be able to breathe again. But everyone says to not admit or it’ll reinforce the cycle, I’m just not sure how everyone else does that. And at the same time, maybe I am a cheater and just simply a bad person. Idk! I never cheated physically or anything like that, but my past mistakes feel like I did. But again I may just be a bad person! Please if anyone has advice or is dealing with similar things, I’d appreciate the help!

Relationship OCD

truespartan48

Date posted: 23w

Struggling with potential ROCD

Good morning. Anyone struggle with ROCD? When I think about what I have done in the past, I feel immense guilty (I feel the tightness in my chest) and have the urge to tell my partner about it, even if my partner says she doesn’t need to know if it is going to hurt her and that I need to talk to my therapist about it first. Any suggestions on how to manage the urge/urgency? Thanks!

Sunny87

Date posted: 22w

“Lying by omission”

FINALLY identified a core fear of mine and it is deceit and lying by omission. My biggest compulsions are confession & rumination. I immediately WANT to confess to whoever the theme is about, BUT since I am NOT acting on the compulsion (*yay*), I feel like I am lying by omission. For example, I will think of a mistake I made in the past, become anxious at the thought that my partner would break up with me over it, and then I want to confess so that he has all the information he needs to make an accurate decision on if he wants to be with me. Otherwise, I feel as though I am withholding pertinent information and his decision to be in a relationship with me is based on lies & fabrication. On one hand I am proud of myself for not compulsively oversharing / acting on compulsivity. On the other hand I worry I am stepping out of my values of honesty & integrity. Or perhaps worse, claiming “compulsion” in the name of hiding from the possibility of whatever consequence may result in me sharing the mistake. Any recommendations?

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