Guilt

I have been with the same girl for over 8 years and met her when I was in high school. I wasn't always the best boyfriend and obviously that young I made many mistakes in our relationship. Although, I never physically cheated, I did think of other girls or look at other girls social media accounts while getting off. I know its wrong now and its something I wouldn't do again, I guess I thought if as like watching porn. Anyway, for the past year I have dealt with a lot of OCD thoughts in my relationship. It seems to always switch reasons, but it always ends up with my relationship. My first panic attack made me believe that she wasn't "the one" and that I had to leave or it felt like I would die. Then I started to ruminate on past mistakes that I did and feel guilty if I don't tell her everything. And most recently, I have extreme guilt about getting off to other girls, which is something I haven't done in awhile. I feel like I'm lying to her by not telling her every singe detail and I this extreme guilt that I cannot get rid of. I feel like a cheater and that she wouldn't love me anymore, If I told her the truth. Obviously, I know it's normal to look at other girls and think they are attractive. But my mind says I have to confess her each time I think this. And the fact that I went a little further to getting off when we were younger makes things even worse. I love this girl with all my heart and I don't wanna hurt her at all. But it's killing me keeping everything inside and not sure where to go from here. Anyone experience anything similar or have any advice?? Thanks in advance!!

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 28w

Confessing is a compulsion. Do NOT tell her about this. Not becuase its anything bad, but because it will serve ZERO purpose except do 1. harm to your OCD recovery because confessing is a compulsion and compulsions make OCD worse, and 2. she doesn't want to know... trust me. You basically described porn, everyone uses it from time to time. I had similar issues with an OCD spell last summer and felt like i needed to confess all my past sexual histories to my husband ( everything happened before we were together but i was convinced he needed to know everything i had done to know for sure that he would still love me) i confessed a few things.... and it DID NOT help, it did not give me relief, and he did NOT want to nor need to hear the things i told him. He said " why does it matter? you can't go back and undo it? as long as you don't do those things again, it has nothing to do with our relationship now." TRUST ME! she doesn't want to know and you don't need to tell her. its OCD and you know this. don't feed it.

zoovy

Date posted: 28w

@TexasOCD41 i also agree with this! if i worded this incorrectly i apologize, all i meant by it was my personal communication with my partner is very open about situations like p0rn. every relationship dynamic is different!

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 28w

@zoovy Mine is too, but i just believe some things can be left to your own personal business you know?

Anonnnnnm

Date posted: 28w

@TexasOCD41 Thanks for the advice I appreciate it. It gets tough because I was young and dumb, and I never thought of that stuff as cheating in the past. And now my brain convinces me that looking at other girls that we may have knew in person or even just straight porn was cheating. And again I realize I was in the wrong, but my brain literally convinces me that I’m a terrible person and that she has to know every single thought and thing that I did.

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 28w

@Anonnnnnm - Thats what OCD will do, that doesnt mean any of it is true. my brain can tell me all day I'm a cat in a humans body and that i need to drink water from a bowl and use a litter box and eat mice, doesn't mean its true. Things in the brain are just thoughts, thoughts and feelings are not facts. OCD is a thought and feeling disorder so you literally should NOT trust your brain when OCD is in full swing.

zoovy

Date posted: 28w

kind of crazy how ive gone through almost the exact same situation and it definitely does suck feeling guilty every single time you speak to them and then questioning your feelings toward them at the end of the day finding other people attractive is apart of human nature and you’re not a bad person for it your love and dedication for her is what actually matters in regards to your past it really does depend on how you communicate and how your relationship dynamic is. something i did was just tell her almost everything i felt guilty for and after awhile it effected my self esteem and i felt like a terrible person in general. luckily for me my girlfriend has forgiven me for my past mistakes and i continue to work toward being a better partner. you’re not alone in this and you’re not a terrible person feel your emotions but don’t let them control you.

Anonnnnnm

Date posted: 28w

@zoovy I appreciate the advice and hearing that I’m not alone!

Bonzo82

Date posted: 23w

Guilt over memories

I had a life before I was with my partner, that involved having girlfriends and one night stands, etc. That's a lifetime of memories that I now feel guilty for having. Something as silly as watching a TV show with my girlfriend will make me think "I used to watch this show with an ex, is it ok to watch it with my current girlfriend?" and I will feel real guilt over it and need to seek her reassurance. There are other memories, about "intimate" times, that sometimes come into my head and I have urges to share them with my girlfriend to alleviate the guilt I feel for having the memory. Fundamentally, I feel guilty every time I have a memory of an ex, often regardless of the content. I feel like I shouldn't have thoughts of anyone else other than my current partner and it's wrong to have memories of exes. When I do, I feel guilty, ruminate, then have the uncontrollable urge to share the memories with her. She gets upset, I get upset, but also feel relief that I've shared. Does anyone have any similar experiences and/or tips around this sort of issue? Thanks.

Anonnnnnm

Date posted: 22w

Please help (ROCD)!

I have been battling ocd for over a year now and it likes to switch themes. Currently, it’s attacking my relationship with my girlfriend who I’ve been with since I was in high school over 10 years ago. It first began as an intense feeling that I have to leave or break up with her over dumb little things. Then it changed into a lot of guilt for having any thought about another girl. And the worse is feeling this intense guilt for past things I’ve done in the past while in this relationship. We were so young and I was teenager, but I often found myself watching porn, fantasizing about real other people in my life, and getting off to other girls that I may have known. When I was younger I didn’t think it was bad and that it was just a normal teen boy thing, but 10 years later I have so much guilt about it. And yes I’m with the same girl now. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I know I love this girl and I’m ready to propose to her soon. Anyway, these past mistakes I did when I was younger make me feel like a cheater and I can’t stop ruminating about it. I feel like I have to admit every detail and person I’ve ever had a bad thought about. I feel like if I propose to her and don’t tell her everything, that I’m a lair and didn’t give her the full picture. And the other day one of the girls I thought was hot when I was younger, came up in convo and I just went downhill. Now she knows I deal with OCD and she is very supportive, I’ve told her before that I did some bad things, but never all the details. And that’s all my brain keeps telling me to do. I have so much tightness in my chest and just want to be able to breathe again. But everyone says to not admit or it’ll reinforce the cycle, I’m just not sure how everyone else does that. And at the same time, maybe I am a cheater and just simply a bad person. Idk! I never cheated physically or anything like that, but my past mistakes feel like I did. But again I may just be a bad person! Please if anyone has advice or is dealing with similar things, I’d appreciate the help!

Relationship OCD

crybaby

Date posted: 16w

Advice please!!

I will be straight forward and honest. I have cheated in the past. My last relationship was long term, and I had begged and begged for him to change and in the end he never did. I don’t know why I cheated. And I’m not going to make excuses for myself for why I did. I messed up. The cheating was online, it was never in person. But now, I’m in a new relationship. And he’s everything I have ever wanted in a boyfriend, husband, and best friend. I want this man to be with me the rest of our lives, and I want to see him help raise our future children. But I can’t help but feel such immense guilt, because although I have never cheated on him, his ex had cheated on him. And I truly don’t understand how or why she would…but that’s not my place to comment on. Such a big part of me wants to tell him, and tell him that that’s not me anymore, and I know that we will communicate healthily and openly, unlike my last relationship, which he never wanted to. Not only this, my brain just won’t. stop. thinking…about how I had cheated. I regret doing what I had done, I don’t WANT to cheat anymore, or ever again. Especially with the love of my life I have now. But I’m scared of what do I do if I have a compulsion, or anything revolving around cheating. I want to tell him about it, but I know I shouldn’t, and can’t really tell him as it’s complicated, and I know I would only make things worse. I feel like such a terrible person, and girlfriend, for what I have done and what I’m worried about ‘if I do’, even though I don’t want to. I want to be better, I want to grow. Any advice please would be amazing.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Guilt

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community