How do I heal from my anxious attachment? What exercises do I have to do in order to achieve a secure attachment? How do I help my avoidant attachment partner? It seems like everything I do isn’t right or helping him.
My partner is anxious and i’m avoidant, it tough haha because ours collide with each other. Especially the more intense arguments are really rough, usually takes days to resolve. We’ve been on a long healing journey, thankfully it’s gotten a little better. I can’t speak for all avoidants but when someone asks me to clarify/explain something, repeat myself, or it’s a deep conversation my patience is very slim and i pull away. It’s important to understand each others attachments, triggers, how you like to resolve issues, your communication styles, etc. Understand each other then think of ways to help each other while working on yourselves. We all deserve to heal and be loved, it just takes time effort and patience. I hope you guys can figure it out. Sending lots of love and hugs <3
@Scintilla We broke up actually, but I’m hoping we both heal and find our way back to each other. Our love was real, and I can tell my avoidant partner is similar to you, except my partner couldn’t communicate like you’re able to with your partner and decided breaking up was the best option for the both of us. He told me has hope for us in the future but isn’t sure.
@kayla028 i ended things many times with him, but thankfully we always ended up back with eachother. We agreed that we’d take breaks if needed and never mention breaking up again. We’re still deeply hurt from our past conflicts but we chose to continue even if it meant it’d still only ever be those conflicts. No relationship is perfect, breaks and arguments are normal. For me the biggest thing was i thought i wasn’t good enough for him. I’m not sure about your partner, but reassurance about being enough and being the one for eachother helped a lot. I would get too overwhelmed easily in the beginning of our relationship, i would end up saying goodnight or leaving out of nowhere during conversation. This made my partner overthink immensely, i felt very bad that i couldn’t be there for him when he needed me. It would always strain the relationship. my ROCD was the roughest in the beginning/middle too. It took me a year to realize all my mistakes, how much i made him suffer, take accountability for everything, and finally learnt that relationships are hard work. It’s consistent effort for the rest of our lives. It sounds like you guys do love eachother, so i’m hoping the best for you. Don’t rush things, take breaks when needed, speak softly and patiently with each other, always listen and forgive, learn from your mistakes, grow individually and together, don’t let your egos get in the way, etc. My apologies this is so long, but another one of my mistakes was thinking that i needed to be fully healed and perfect to have a “good” relationship. The truth is for most people, you don’t. Your partner is the person who will see your scariest, ugliest sides of you and your most beautiful, happy sides. They’ll see you for you and they’ll love your flaws as much as your good qualities. They’ll always want to work it out no matter how hard it gets. If you really love each other, commit and take your time to learn and grow. You have the rest of your lives to do so. Sending lots of love and hugs <3
@Scintilla Thank you so much. He broke up with me because he said he wasn’t sure about being in a relationship. He was scared of commitment, but didn’t admit it. And he told me I wasn’t ready for a relationship, but that was completely not true. I don’t understand him, because sometimes he pushes away when they get too close. I’m afraid if we don’t find our way back to each other.
Look at Personal Development School- it helped me. You can YouTube videos for free and they help a lot.
i’m so scared to get into a relationship because i think i’m a avoidant attachment… like i have a fear of losing myself and being too attached to where i won’t love myself but love them more than i love myself… like i’m thinking about the guy i like and thinking about the opportunity to be with him but something tells me i’m gonna back away because of my ocd… i wanna love myself before i get into a relationship… especially this generation of relationships get me really anxious.. it’s like i wanna be in a relationship but i also don’t because of losing myself… i wanna have confidence in myself and like the person and have a relationship with God at the same time… i think i’m doing a compulsion which isn’t good because my ocd themes keep switching
I’ve been seeing tons and tons of videos about avoidant attachments on TikTok a lot! And lieterally all day I was overthinking and crying. I’m not sure if I have avoidance attachment I never got deeper into the meaning of it until yesterday and I’ve seen so many comments about it. I’m starting to think what if I’m one? Is I am how do I change? I fear relationships, I am very independent and will only ask for help if needed. This God at my job likes me and I like the way he acts and he wants a relationship which I’ve already made a few post about him. When we went to church the second time I held his hands and hugged him but I still doubted his looks . He’s not ugly but I don’t think he’s my type so I apologized for holding his hands because I don’t want to lead him on. I have prayed multiple prayers if he’s the one for me. After seeing those avoidant attachment videos I’m afraid I act this way toward the guy that likes me. Then when I ask myself “well do you like him” I get filled with anxiety. I’m not rushing in a relationship but I want to love someone not just someone loving me. Please tell me someone understands.?
Does anyone else feel like their safety mechanism is to avoid bad/painful feelings? I am so deeply rooted in this habit and I’m having a very tough time breaking it to create healthier actions. I feel like I am stuck in a repetitive cycle and I always have so many intentions to be better, but consistent failure makes me and my partner feel insane. I always want things to feel good, I’m terrible about having difficult conversations about painful topics, even when I know that they’re important to have and could facilitate deeper bonding feelings afterwards. For example, my partner and I are struggling right now due to cheating mistakes I have made and my R/SOCD. I have all of these intentions to be a more supportive partner and help him through some of his pain. Understanding my ocd and seeking help was only a small part of that, it can’t erase what’s been done. Even when things feel good, I know he is constantly fighting off a lot of mental anguish that I have caused him. Still, I will let things feel good without saying/acknowledging anything. I know that it’s a good thing to have good moments together amidst working through bad, but it’s more detrimental for it all to feel like avoidance. I have a hard time giving him the support I want to because I feel so inadequate at having hard conversations. I worry so much about not being able to effectively communicate my feelings after I ask about something and then it will make the situation worse. I know this is all a false reality/ worst case scenario my brain is creating, but it is still so hard to catch and overcome. I can genuinely convince myself it’s not necessary. Because of this, he has serious doubts that nothing will ever change and he won’t receive the support through challenging times that he needs in a partner. Has anyone gone through this and figured out how to change? Seeking some advice/tips/encouragement. Thank you.
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