- Date posted
- 28w
can someone pls help. anything
TW// sexual trauma, family ocd Please, anyone give this a read any advice helps. I’m going to try to keep the short. Basically, when I was younger, a family member of mine was very careless when they would engage in sexual act. For example, they would m/sturbate in the same room as me, not caring if I would see or not I guess. They also emotionally and verbally abused me a lot throughout childhood. I also went through other sexual trauma from other peers at school at a young age, and from a distant family member. I also was very hyper sexual as a kid. Throughout my growing up, I developed some sort of incest fantasy, but never really was fully comfortable with it. I am assuming my brain was sexualizing what I saw, as it has done that with quite literally everything. It was up until a certain age, around 14, when I realize these thoughts are bothersome, make me uncomfortable, and I do not want them to be there. I am around the family member I mentioned at the beginning 24/7, as they are an immediate family member. I love them dearly, but this is messing up my relationship with them. I’m very irritable around them, any sound, noise, or site, that suggest that they may be touching themselves again, triggers me very badly. Either with anger, groinal responses, or just uncomfortableness. We share the same bed and sometimes I’ll wake up in the middle of the night or something and I’m just sitting there listening or glancing over to see if this family member is doing anything inappropriate. I mentioned before these groinal responses cause climax even without me touching myself. So then this leads me to feel like I violated this family member, or did something inappropriate to them. Which leads to false memeries also. This makes me feel so gross. I hate all of this. I probably sound like a freak . If you read this, thank you.