Mariabae

Date posted: 28w

im lost

so my boyfriend asked me why im so scared if i dont like him and maybe if thwe broke up i would not have this thoughts about him and that i will be better like that if all my thoughts were about me not liking him and i didnt even panic when i read his messages. i dont undestand, my relationship its perfect and im destroying it, why didnt i had any reaction while reading his messages, im so scared about this, he is very upset that im talking to chat gbt bc he knows about it (i havent talked in a while with it) and he told me why im so scared that i dont like him. i dont understand why i disnt feel anything does this mean im not affected??? now im imagining breaking up (i dont wanr this, or thats what i think) and i dont know im scared , he doesn’t understand he thinks im the one that does nor want to be better bc all i do is cry, i understand his part but i dont understand what is happening, im so scared im scared i dont want to be indifferent or act different or not care about him or the situation itself, now he gave me a normal message he usualy does and im scared im fed uo with him, i feel bad and what if we are not for each other but we have a beautiful story and so much in common i feel fake. I know that when yoy accept the truth you feel ok and not bad i dont want this to be the case, im doing so much bad to him

Relationship OCD

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 28w

Maybe you should just take a break. Its obvious you are struggling a lot and you seem to be unable to do the ERP and OCD treatment necessary to get past this.

Mariabae

Date posted: 28w

@TexasOCD41 but i dont want a break, i real dont want it. i am sad that I came to be like this

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 28w

@Mariabae - ok then you just need to stay off this app, stay off the internet and double down on your relationship. if you don't want to break up , dont' its really actually that simple. fight back, stop allowing yourself to be the victim of this circumstance. you know why it happens, iv told you every way. you also know how to treat it ( and posting things like this is not how you treatit, that's how you make it worse) just be with him, push thru the crappy feelings that you know aren't real and do the work to make yourself better. you cant keep going in circles on this app. if you don't help yourself, eventually he might just break up with you becuase he thinks he is the problem ( which is why iv told you that you need to stop talking to him about this).

Mariabae

Date posted: 27w

@TexasOCD41 hi. sorry for reaching out i indeed uninstalled this app for a few days but i talked to an ai. im sorry. i feel ao bad i cant feel anything for him im so scared what can i do i know you have told me multiple times but i cant describe how bad i feel . i cant even say i love you to him

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 27w

@Mariabae - what do you think you should do? based off what i have told you, what do you think you next move should be?

Mariabae

Date posted: 27w

@TexasOCD41 should i sit with this horible feeling and fear?

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 27w

@Mariabae - yes, and what else did you do that you shouldn't have?

Mariabae

Date posted: 27w

@TexasOCD41 not google not chatting with ai

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 27w

@Mariabae Exactly. You can’t keep doing the same behaviors and expect different results. Every time you give into a compulsion you’re setting yourself 10 steps back. You can’t expect anything to get better when you refuse to do the required work.

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 27w

@Mariabae What were you hoping to get out of getting back on the app and reaching out to me? ( btw I’m not being mean I’m trying to have you examine your own behavior rather than do it for you) I’m trying to help you help yourself.

Mariabae

Date posted: 27w

@TexasOCD41 seaking reasurance…. im sorry, its hard to sit with this feeling. all i do ia cry because i think i dont love him and that i cant stand him and im a horible person and i have changed

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 27w

@Mariabae Exactly. So go back to what iv told you you need to do and start again. Stay off the internet. Dont apologize to me, you haven’t done anything wrong to me, you’re only hurting yourself

Mariabae

Date posted: 27w

@TexasOCD41 but im scared that im a liar and my thoughts are real:( i will uninstall this app again

Mariabae

Date posted: 27w

@TexasOCD41 i want to talk to you about one more thing, my mother told me that i put a huge expectation on my relationship from the start, that even in the first months of us being together i used to say NO I WILL BE JUST WITH HIM I ONLY WANT HIM, and that from the start i had this thing in my head, and now , after her words i think that is the reason i suffer so much because i dont want to break that expectation i put on me and him from the start and im scared that i dont love him (no reason to not love him “just because” only) and that i dont want to accept the truth. im scared… i feel like such a bad gf and i feel like im so rude to him amd think badly of him to the point where i wonder if i stand him and that i dont ACTUALLY like him…? i dont like how this sound. this cant be the real me, i fear i am in denial.

Mariabae

Date posted: 24w

please read please

I am so tired of this. I feel ashamed of myself. I waited until it was late to post this because I can’t take it anymore. My boyfriend is at my house right now. We saw each other today—he brought me a bouquet of flowers, we went out, and then came back home. But I just couldn’t stop thinking that he was annoying me or that I couldn’t stand him, even though he wasn’t doing anything wrong. I felt irritated and distant the entire time. And when we got home, it got even worse. We ended up arguing because of how distant I was, but I couldn’t help it. All I could think about was that I don’t love him, that I don’t like him, that I’m a liar, and that I’m just pretending when I’m with him. I kept thinking that I’m only with him because I’m used to him and that I just don’t want to accept the truth that I don’t love him. When he hugged me, I couldn’t be present. When we kissed, I felt absolutely nothing. Nothing. He kissed me, and I couldn’t even focus or try to connect with what was happening—I just wanted to cry. I feel like a liar who refuses to accept the truth. I started going to therapy, but I’ve only had one session. My psychologist told me to write in a journal, to reflect on what role fear plays in my life and why I feel so unsettled. I wrote, “The possibility that my thoughts might be true.” But now I just think I’m lying—to myself, to my boyfriend, even to my psychologist—because I want to believe I love him, but my mind tells me I don’t feel anything. I couldn’t even sit comfortably with him, I couldn’t enjoy being in his arms—I just felt sad. I’m so scared that this is real. It feels real. I don’t understand what’s happening to me. I feel like I’m lying to everyone. Like I’m in denial. I don’t know how to do this anymore.

Mariabae

Date posted: 24w

i had a panic atack please respond please

I just had a panic attack. It feels too real. It feels like I don’t have feelings for him anymore. Why is this happening? Why don’t I feel anything? Why don’t I love him? Why am I even questioning whether I ever loved him in the first place? I’ve been stuck in this for so long that I’m starting to believe it’s the truth. What if I feel this way because I just don’t want to accept that I don’t like him? What if I led him on this entire time? When I talk to him, I feel nothing. I’m not interested in anything. I can’t have conversations with him, I can’t kiss him, I just feel numb and fake. I feel horrible. What is happening to me? How did I get here? Why don’t I feel okay? I don’t understand what I feel. I feel like I’m lying to myself, like I’m stuck in this terrifying loop. I also feel like I don’t even care that I’m hurting him. I know he’s upset, and I know this is affecting him too, but I feel nothing about it. I don’t know why. It’s like something is blocking me from feeling anything. I know I should care. I know I love him. So why do I feel like I don’t? I feel so lost. I feel like I’ve changed. I don’t recognize myself anymore. What if this is real? I just want to feel normal again. i dont understand what is happening. i fear i didn’t love him ever because these thoughts started in the 4th month of us being together. in two months we make 2 years. am i leading him on? im a horrible person. i dont understand .

Mariabae

Date posted: 22w

please respond my question

from Saturday, i didnt talk to chat gbt, didnt post here out of desperation and didnt even cry . but, ofc, i still have thoughts and a strange feeling in my chest but im too over this and tired to respond . But what if i will stop the compulsions and responding to them, ignoring them, but i will still feel bad and realise my thoughts are real and im lying to myself and him. he told me to tell him when a though pops out so he can talk me through it bc he wants to help me and he is sad i always ask people online for help and not him, he did helped me various times but sometimes in just too much. Im scared, this is stupid i know, i know yhis is dumb and it annoys me. i think that he is cringe and annoying and that i dont stand him , and that means i dont like him bc sometimes i get mad at him and look at him with “disgusting “ but not in that way. like what if i dont stand him and i am with him bc im used to him and what if he is cringe and annoying… IM MORR CRUNGE AND ANNOYING THEN HIM BUT IT MAKES ME THINK I DONT LIKE HIM.

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