- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
SAME OMG. I’m going back to my home city in Russia and I am going to see my whole family and all of my friends and I feel like I will NOT enjoy it whatsoever because I have tocd
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks everyone for the supporr! Truly helps :) @margo1 i understand completely. I always see my fsmily not so much but when i do Its just so cozy and warm and i always look forward to it. Except now with hocd. Now i lowkey dont want to go bevause i know Im going to be anxious instead of happy. Its like all these years before and i met my family have a special place in my heart they have like a certain vibe. I know this year i wont have that cozy warm vibe and thats why i dont want to go bevause i dont want it to ruin the place is has in my heart. Id rather avoid it than have pain while going. I truly hope for you you will have an amazing time and that ur Tocd wont be in the way to much!
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you so much!! I understand about the cozy vibe like sitting together watching television or just goofing around in general with your family is so special and I only get to see them like once a year or two. And now it’s all ruined because all I will be thinking about is becoming a dude? I want my old self back
- Date posted
- 5y
I just have no dreams at all. Nothing i desire, nothing i live for just nothing i want to accomplish. Its so empty inside of me
- Date posted
- 5y
You will be okay, storms come and go. OCD has its highs and lows. Don’t think so much about thinking if you are enjoying something. OCD wants you to analyze everything, think about it as if you are watching cars drive by, you are just watching them and not judging them or asking questions. OCD on the other hand will look at the cars and go “how’d this one get here” “what’s the purpose of that one” “this one looks kinda like (insert fear here)”. That’s just OCD and anxiety for ya. Don’t judge yourself for having the thoughts keep them in the background just acknowledge them but don’t take ownership of them. You will get better, I promise ??
- Date posted
- 5y
You should watch Ali greymond hocd YouTube she really helped with my pure ocd
- Date posted
- 5y
@margo1 ugh it sounds freaking horrible what ur going trough. Ive experienced a lil tocd befofe and its verg similar to hocd. I judt hate that it has to ruin the special family moment. It always was so genuine and so pure and now it feels like those moments are poisoned by ocd and i hate that i have to feel so unpure about jt all the time. Im alwyas here if u need soemone to talk to!
- Date posted
- 5y
Its also so hard for me to see everyone around me still being themselves and jusr not understanding what ik going trough and i just wish they saw what i feel and than things Would make so much more sense for them. Also like do ppl unferstand how lucky they are for not going trough this, they litteraly didnt got interupted in life by this mental ilness and thats a big blessing. I wish i wouldve just grown up further being me and becoming the woman i was supposed to but ugh this thing just put a big wall Im front of it and its ruining myself and my growth. I hope better days will come
- Date posted
- 5y
Same. Good luck xx
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
It feels like I’m lying to myself constantly and everyone. There feels like there is a weight on my heart from the moment I wake up till I go to sleep. I don’t want to be gay. Idk why it doesn’t register. Now everyone I see I have to see if I’m attracted to them. I see good looking men and I feel like I’m lying to myself that they are good looking, I see women and I see if im attracted to them. I look at everyone and I feel jealous. I want my fucking life back. But now my OCD (if this is even OCD) is telling me I was never happy and I was always suppressing my feelings of being gay. Why is this happening? Can OCD do this? I can’t enjoy anything ever.
- Date posted
- 21w
I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???
- Date posted
- 16w
Idk if this post is even worth it but it seemed like a normal day for me, called off work due to the weather so I get to just stay home and play games all day. Easy day besides dealing with the constant and unbearable battle with my intrusive thoughts/feelings. Took a shower and I just had constant thoughts, (heart palpitations are pretty constant) ended up breaking down and bawling my eyes out. I was diagnosed with HOCD and ROCD about 2 months ago and since it's just gotten worse. It feels as real as it can get and after talking to my girlfriend about the anxiety attack, it feels even more real. I have no desire or enjoyment from what comes from my brain, and at this point I'm on my knees begging the big man upstairs for my old life back, how do I go from being obsessed with women (sexually and emotionally) to pretty much doing a 180 overnight (with the obvious anxiety and worry behind it. No real desire obviously). I'm just at a loss, I've done a little ERP and it seemed to help with the brain fog but besides that, everything that it does to someone, I have. And again there's the doubt I even have OCD and I'm in straight denial. It just sucks.
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