- Date posted
- 35w
Soocd in adults
Are their any married people here in their 40s/50s and suffering from soocd? How has you experience been like? And how has it fluctuated through the years?
Are their any married people here in their 40s/50s and suffering from soocd? How has you experience been like? And how has it fluctuated through the years?
Yes, I'm a 60 year old male, and married for 35 years now. Totally heterosexual. Mine started around puberty and had plagued me for my entire life. The research points to the fact that those of us who suffer from it , have a prevalence to weekend it life long, even though we can drift off into other themes of OCD. My psychologist explained to me that at that early age without diagnosis and help, our neuro pathways are like thay are cemented in stone and have a higher then normal likelihood of returning to that theme life long. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 24 years old. I've been through CBT, and then ERP with a talented psychologist who specialized in OCD. I still talk to him once in a while when I get a flair up. My Insurance changed and he doesn't take the one I have, but he will give me 15 or 20 minutes free if I need his help. I've been in the middle of a flat up since Sept of 2024. I'm now going through ERP with NOCD right now. 8 sessions in and praying I get some relief. To your question how has it fluctuated. Sometime mine goes back to old thought and fears about things that I can't answer or should I even try. Other times it takes new approaches at things that I've had before. When I'm struggling, it likes to throw new ones at me to keep me in fear. My NOCD therapist is constantly checking my distress level when doing exposures . I can honestly say the highest amount of distress for me is a around 5 or 6, because I've been through these obsessions for so long that I can't even get to a 9, or 10. I could when I was younger though. You would think that I must be doing well, but OCD is always looking for a door to step through and say SURPRISE I'm back. If I see guy young or old and think ,that person is good looking, it still freaks me even though thinking someone is good looking is different then wanting to go have sex with them. I hope this helped. Reach back out and let me know how yours manifests itself.
Hey thank you so much for answering! Mine started at a pretty young age (which is why sometimes i feel like it denial and not soocd) but I was officially dignosed around 21. I did have a flare up at 17 but my therapis at the time wasnt spcialised in ocd so she told me to « go experiment » which caused even more triggers. Im currently 27 and have been with my bf for 7 years! I do have the occasional questions, my fear is just that one day i’ll burst and just leave my bf and fall in love with a women and realise that all my life was a lie and that I was a coward and a fraud! So im just scared that im staying with my bf for “society” even tho im happy with him ( I think). I just feel like im constantly lying to myself and I hate that! I did do erp with my last therapist and because i also had health and harm ocd and it worked for both of them but it never did for soocd..
I used to worry about the denial thing and all kinds of crazy reasons why I could be denying or lying to myself. I was told that if I was really gay that the desire to be gay and be yourself would be so strong that it would overpower any thoughts of denying it. I'm 60 years old and if I was denying it that it would be an impossibility to do that for so long. NOT POSSIBLE. Sure people struggle with coming out and being who they are and I'm sure it is very painful and extremely troubling. It can take some time, and everybody's different. You are not denying. You are not having gay or lesbian sex. If you wanted to you would. It is ocd. I know that I say this to you but ocd will keep coming up with reasons to tell you that you are denying. Let the thought be there and don't do anything to try to get rid of it. The anxiety will be there , but it will flame out.
TW: SO-OCD. I have been a part of the NOCD community for around 4 years now. I am seeing more and more posts, but I am very rarely seeing people actually commenting, reposting and engaging back. I think I have always had obsessive thoughts, but never knew it was a thing until around 5 years ago. I believe my first theme was Harm OCD, when my little brother was first born in 2007. I used to scream at night as I was so worried he was going to be kidnapped, or he may d*e. I would avoid sleeping at friends house's, my dad's (as my parents had split) as I thought if I wasn't there to protect him then something bad would happen. My mum said she would wake up and I would be asleep net to his cot in the morning (I was only 10 at the time). Fast forward to 2017, where me and my high school boyfriend split up, I convinced myself I may be gay as I no longer wanted to have sex with him (almost found it a chore). I was 16/17. We split up and I lived my 'single' life. Spent my time dating males etc and then myself and my ex got back together in 2018. My intrusive thoughts took a turn for the worst in lockdown, when again may libido decreased significantly, and I didn't feel and ;urge' with my boyfriend sStill current partner). I remember one day, bursting into tears, had a panic attack and cried for hours with the most excruciating anxiety chest pains. I told him and my mum about my thoughts. They are both incredibly supportive and my mu actually told me that she had these thoughts too when she was round 19 and still does now (I also didn't know that COD can be inherited). After about 18 months of the worst mental health, significant weight loss, social thoughts and almost ending my relationship, I started to see light at the end of the tunnel. 2022, things started to get better. My partner and I were in the best place we could have EVER been! Sex life was AMAZING (quality of quantity I mean) and I honestly thought, this was the end. March 2024 I fell pregnant. Again, I had a great pregnancy, sec life was great, was so excited for our future. I have never been one to be bothered about marriage, but kept having this lovely vision of us getting married and our little girl walking down the aisle. Baby girls born in November 2024 and BAM, SO-OCD and ROCD have kicked in. I am now questioning my sexuality again, if I am in the right relationship, am I just 'settling'?, does he deserve me?, am I in denial?, what if we get married and then it turns out I am gay?, I don't want him to propose as I am scared etc. Just relentless every single day. I even question, if any of the conversations I have had with family and friends where they have related to me, were even real or if I made them up for my own comfort, so that I do't feel alone?! I am constantly reviewing past events, as I worry that I wanted to explore my sexuality in university, as I remember having an amazing friendship with a lesbian (who was, I am not afraid to admit, very 'handsome'), and we did flirt, as she did with everyone!! But we never took it any further, it never crossed my mind! I almost don't even get the 'anxiety/'sick' feeling anymore because I am SO used to the thoughts. I don't have an urge to act on my thoughts, but they are also no longer debilitating for me. I just feel exhausted with them. They are ALWAYS there. I have gone down the rabbit hole of avoiding meeting new women friends incase 'I find them attractive', if there is a same sex couple on a program I watch, I automatically avoid. I compare my relationship to others. I saw an insta reel yesterday of a women in her 30's that said 'when you're lay in bed with your husband, searching 'Am I Gay' questionnaires and you decide to divorce and follow your heart' and it was a page dedicated to her helping other mid life adults cope with coming out as gay! It really really really triggered me. I am just exhausted. If anybody else wants to share there story, comment below. It doesn't have to be the same sub types, but just an opportunity to vent!
People with soocd don’t really talk enough about how it makes us forget that even if it were true logically we wouldn’t lose attraction but gain another 😂😂when soocd isn’t hitting my brain actually brains and go like if my ocd was right I could still marry a man as I have always wanted because I would then be bi not gay. Soocd makes us throw our brain out the moment it grips us. I hope your soocd gets better
i'm a lesbian, i was sure of this for many years, until soocd started messing with me around a month ago. it's hard because lesbians with soocd aren't well documented and it's hard to find similar experiences from others. i hate this, my mind is telling me it's not ocd and that i actually like men. i don't even know if i wouldn't like it. i guess that's accepting uncertainty but i don't want to like men. i want to marry my girlfriend. i don't want to be with a man but my mind doesn't let me feel anything regarding that, neither good nor bad, and i cannot tell if i enjoy that thought or don't like it. it's horrible. i'm so exhausted. i get groinal reactions too which i've never even had before this subtype flared up because im on the asexual spectrum. it's insane. has anyone else had any similar experiences?
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