Soocd in adults

Yes, I'm a 60 year old male, and married for 35 years now. Totally heterosexual. Mine started around puberty and had plagued me for my entire life. The research points to the fact that those of us who suffer from it , have a prevalence to weekend it life long, even though we can drift off into other themes of OCD. My psychologist explained to me that at that early age without diagnosis and help, our neuro pathways are like thay are cemented in stone and have a higher then normal likelihood of returning to that theme life long. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 24 years old. I've been through CBT, and then ERP with a talented psychologist who specialized in OCD. I still talk to him once in a while when I get a flair up. My Insurance changed and he doesn't take the one I have, but he will give me 15 or 20 minutes free if I need his help. I've been in the middle of a flat up since Sept of 2024. I'm now going through ERP with NOCD right now. 8 sessions in and praying I get some relief. To your question how has it fluctuated. Sometime mine goes back to old thought and fears about things that I can't answer or should I even try. Other times it takes new approaches at things that I've had before. When I'm struggling, it likes to throw new ones at me to keep me in fear. My NOCD therapist is constantly checking my distress level when doing exposures . I can honestly say the highest amount of distress for me is a around 5 or 6, because I've been through these obsessions for so long that I can't even get to a 9, or 10. I could when I was younger though. You would think that I must be doing well, but OCD is always looking for a door to step through and say SURPRISE I'm back. If I see guy young or old and think ,that person is good looking, it still freaks me even though thinking someone is good looking is different then wanting to go have sex with them. I hope this helped. Reach back out and let me know how yours manifests itself.

I used to worry about the denial thing and all kinds of crazy reasons why I could be denying or lying to myself. I was told that if I was really gay that the desire to be gay and be yourself would be so strong that it would overpower any thoughts of denying it. I'm 60 years old and if I was denying it that it would be an impossibility to do that for so long. NOT POSSIBLE. Sure people struggle with coming out and being who they are and I'm sure it is very painful and extremely troubling. It can take some time, and everybody's different. You are not denying. You are not having gay or lesbian sex. If you wanted to you would. It is ocd. I know that I say this to you but ocd will keep coming up with reasons to tell you that you are denying. Let the thought be there and don't do anything to try to get rid of it. The anxiety will be there , but it will flame out.