Self Esteem 18+ only

I just remembered thoughts of my childhood where I was shut down by my peers when I tried to do something but did it incorrectly. I remember it bothering me a lot, and I remember voicing my frustration for not liking how the majority of my peers harshly rejected my answer. I remember saying out loud "Well, I'm trying" to them. This was super early in elementary school. Other times where I remember being shut down badly was with people that didn't really care about what I had to say about certain things or just not fitting in with people because my interests were so different from theirs. To this day, I still find that this happens as an adult now. This mostly happens with music. I primarily listen to music from video games and while that was never something that bothered me, what did bother me is what others may think of it. I'm always focusing on what others think about the things that I do. I'm always trying to prepare myself for that negative criticism, but even when it does hypothetically show itself, I still find myself unable to take it well. I'm starting to think this is where my lack of confidence comes from. It's mainly showing itself to the idea of dating, which I have no experience with. I'm always worried that I'm going to mess something up, which would also mean hurting someone if I do mess up a relationship, but I also don't think I'm ever fully ready or capable of a relationship because of the fear of getting things wrong, even though in life, we make mistakes in order to learn. I guess this is where my idea of perfectionism also comes from. Well, now I know where my social anxiety and my performance anxiety comes from. I've been working on improving my self esteem as much as I can, but sometimes I feel stuck on it. Any other adults that somehow relate to this?

nae nae

Date posted: 25w

I can definitely relate to everything you listed above. It's something I'm learning to improve on as well, and I've been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone this year, despite past experiences. I'm re-learning how to be my genuine self around others. It's not easy after years of being an avid people pleaser lol There's a quote from Oscar Wilde that really struck a chord within me, and I'll share it: "To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." I don't want to exist. I want to live and for people to appreciate me for my genuine self and not the defensive front I find myself showcasing in front of others :) It's a wonderful thing that you're able to recognize this within yourself, though, and are working on self-improvement. You're young, and I believe you'll eventually figure things out and find confidence in yourself. This is just the first step, so don't get discouraged! The right people won't judge you.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 25w

I guess the hardest part about this is that I've never been taught how to deal with those shutdowns as a kid. They just kind of happened and I couldn't shake the feelings of it. I think that still happens, so I need to find effective ways of dealing with them, to the point where I don't get those feelings anymore hopefully.

nae nae

Date posted: 25w

@BigGyro09 That makes a lot of sense. When we’re not taught how to process those kinds of experiences as kids, they tend to stick with us in ways we don’t always realize. Feeling dismissed can really take a toll on confidence, and dealing with criticism, especially when it hasn’t always been delivered kindly, can be tough. I can relate to that struggle. I grew up with a father who was often harsh and judgmental, so I’ve had to work on rewiring my response to criticism, too. It’s definitely not easy, but I’ve learned that not all criticism is meant to tear us down. When it’s constructive and comes from the right place, it can actually help us to grow. I really believe you’ll get to a point where these moments won’t affect you as much. You’re already self-aware and reflecting on why these feelings come up, which is such a huge step. The next part is figuring out what helps you feel safe and grounded in those situations, so your mind and body recognize that you’re okay, even if the moment is uncomfortable. It takes time, but I believe you’re on the right path! :)

flyana

Date posted: 23w

Where did my confidence go?

I am struggling to feel like I deserve any of the confidence I used to have. I’ve done a lot of pretty cool stuff in my life, and I used to think it was impressive. I was so proud, and I would light up when others gave me compliments. Now, it feels like all a lie, and I can’t stop thinking everyone would hate me if they knew the terrible things I’ve thought or said or done. I make art, for example, and I’ve had a lot of success with it. But now, I feel like others would troll me or destroy my work, and then tell everyone that anything I touch is trash. Basically, I fear being bullied for the mistakes of my past — or even just for my thoughts. My therapist keeps telling me I’m completely normal and I’m the only one beating myself up, but my OCD says, “No, she’s wrong — you should stop pursuing your dreams and push away anyone who likes you, because they’ll all hate you eventually.” I know it’s ridiculous, but it feels so real. Anyone have advice for rebuilding confidence in the face of OCD?

nothanksnott...

Date posted: 22w

Anyone struggling with self-esteem post-OCD spike?

Hoping to find solidarity - I’m coming out of a major OCD episode and my self-esteem definitely took a hit. I talked with my therapist about it, and she was really helpful, and it definitely seems like it could be depression, especially as it was a really rough winter where I live and it’s really only just starting to ease up. Plus it’s also late at night as I’m writing this and as they say, never trust how you feel about your life after 9PM lol - but I’m just wondering if anyone else is dealing with this. I can sit with the uncertainty and the anxiety, but my self-esteem definitely takes a hit with every intrusive thought, and it makes me feel like no one could ever love me, or like I’d be lying/faking being a good person. Just curious to hear others’ thoughts about this - if this is pretty much to be expected after a major OCD episode, if this is depression, etc. And like, for context, it was a really bad OCD episode - fears I thought I’d dealt with already came up, a lot of new fears, every day for months was really high anxiety where I was watching TV just to get through the day, and it felt like I was just holding on until my next therapy session. And all centered around one of the darker OCD themes, and I’m only just coming out of it. Like this is the second or third week where I’ve been able to sit with things that come up and let the anxiety pass, so I feel like this is probably to be expected, that now that it’s passing, there’s things I have to address, like the self-esteem and the areas of my life that got neglected while I was in survival mode. I just hope it gets better soon - I want to go back to how I was feeling last spring and summer, when OCD wasn’t bothering me as much, or it was a less-dark theme to deal with, and i felt so much better about myself 😣 Maybe it’s just a matter of getting out of the house and out of my own head, and doing things that align with my values, especially after months of feeling like a terrible person? Will this pass eventually and I’ll feel like myself again? It’s just hard to actually really think about myself and what kind of person I am - I get anxious thinking about if I’m a good person or a bad person, and I almost kind of try to avoid thinking much about myself at all. And it feels like I’m faking being a good person - like if people only knew half the thoughts and fears that came up, they wouldn’t like me anymore. And it feels like if I move on and forget about these fears that came up, I’m lying to people and to myself, but I just wish I could move on from all of this, and be who I used to be, when these thoughts and fears weren’t on my mind. If you read this far, thank you 🤗❤️ i hope things get easier for you soon and that many good things come your way. Stay safe and take care of yourself

BigGyro09

Date posted: 17w

Doubts 21+

My biggest issue with things in my life are not feeling confident in things I want to do and feeling doubtful combined with anxiety. It makes me not want to do a whole lot of things outside of my comfort zone because I either feel I'm not ready for them or I don't deserve them. In the back of my mind, my brain tells me that I've done something in relation to POCD because of porn when I was a teenager and a time I tried to help a minor with OCD. Or that I've committed sexual harassment because of a time I tried to zip up a bag but didn't tuck my arm and it touched someone's behind when really I just didn't want to keep listening to my OCD about how much of a bad person I would be or bad things would happen if I didn't tuck my arm. I thought I would just very slightly brush up contact and it wouldn't matter that much but it just ended up happening in the worst way. I remember how extremely depressed this made me and I just feel like I don't deserve to go on because of these kind of thoughts, memories, and worries. These worries are what keeps me down from really living my life. Another part of this is I feel I need to just have my needs met before I can really carry on in life I also know that I can't keep waiting for things to feel right when I need to do them. Is this a sign of Just Right OCD? Needing my feelings to feel just right in order for me to do someone I really want to? I act on my feelings more than I do my rational and it definitely shows in my anxiety. This stuff holds my back on my dream goals, trying to get experience with relationships, going to school, and just overall being happier and caring a lot less about anxiety. I don't know how to get rid of them. I just try to let them pass. Sometimes that works, sometimes that doesn't. Being up at night is a trigger for this for sure.

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Self Esteem 18+ only

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