kaysf
- Date posted
- 6y
butwhatifbutwhatif
- Date posted
- 6y
Hey, just so you know you're not alone. I've had HOCD since I was in middle school (on and off) and I actually stopped hanging out with my friends completely at one point because the intrusive thoughts were so intense and unpleasant. While it's true that female sexuality may be more "fluid" in general, the reality is that sexuality is still individual for everyone and nobody else can tell you what you do or don't like. There are straight women just like they are gay women and women in between. The only thing I've found helpful is to resist compulsions and "make friends" as best as possible with the thoughts. This doesn't mean they aren't uncomfortable or disturbing, but the OCD tells you things like "I'll only know once I try" or "I should just look up this thing to see how I feel," and those are the things you need to ride out. You are in control of your life and what you want. It's valid that you're experiencing discomfort from unwanted thoughts - that's the suffering OCD causes. But you CAN overcome it and make this life your own, whatever you may want that to be.
kaysfkaysf
- Date posted
- 6y
thank you so much. i’ve gotten better recently and the thoughts and stuff don’t seem as real. but what freaks me out is that now when the thoughts come in my head they don’t really bother me. like they don’t disgust me anymore. i’m just like “oh look another hocd thiught” but the fact that they don’t really bother me anymore freaks me out. actually let me rephrase that. so when i’m just going about my day and i get these intrusive thoughts, i’m like ew wtf where’d you come from and then i move on or i start over analyzing it. but when i purposely put these thoughts in my head to “check” and analyze, they don’t bother me really and that’s when i get really freaked out. it’s not that i like them, i’m just not really disgusted. oh god now typing this out i feel like you’re going to respond and say maybe it’s not hocd and you actually are bi or something
butwhatifbutwhatif
- Date posted
- 6y
@kaysf Lol no worries, I know what you mean. I think in some way, the way OCD thoughts spiral almost becomes habitual, so when it's getting better, it's easy to feel like something is "off." Kind of like a smoker needing to hold something in their hand when they quit or whatever, because they're just used to the feeling. Sometimes when I'm not as bothered by the thoughts it makes me want to check even more because I think then I can finally put them to rest, but it doesn't really work that way. There are so many endless unknowns and gray areas to travel down, that it really only works if I try to redirect my thoughts to something distracting that I can enjoy. I'm at a point where I just accept that I *may or may not* be bi, but I know I don't want to damage my relationship because I care about my bf. So I have ROCD, too, but again the main thing is just being aware of my thoughts and redirecting to something else like hobbies as much as possible.
kaysfkaysf
- Date posted
- 6y
@butwhatif thank you! to think this all started with me thinking “am i bisexual” because i saw a girl in a tv show realize she was bi, is crazy. i thought only people who reslly were gay or bi questioned like that, but i now realize that no, most people ask themselves a question like that at least once in their life. so how it all started is a really normal thing that i didn’t think was normal so it turned into this. i hope i get better. i already some what have because before i couldn’t do anything because all these thoughts were just racing through my head but now i can do so much and not have any of these thoughts. it’s more that they come now when i’m bored or doing small stuff where i can sit and think about this.
butwhatifbutwhatif
- Date posted
- 6y
@kaysf It's a process! It takes time to get comfortable with your own mind and how it's different from others, but you can do it!
[Deleted][Deleted]
- Date posted
- 6y
Comment deleted by user
kaysfkaysf
- Date posted
- 6y
thank you so much! i hope you get better with whatever you’re struggling with and you overcome it.
[Deleted][Deleted]
- Date posted
- 6y
Comment deleted by user
kaysfkaysf
- Date posted
- 6y
yes very true. it’s just hocd also tells me i’m in denial or i do want to be with girls i just don’t know it yet. that’s why when people tell me that sexuality can change over time as in people realize later on or overtime who they’re actually attracted to, it really freaks me out bc then i’m like okay well what if later on in life whether it’s a few months or a few years, i realize i actually am bi and this all makes sense. that really freaks me out bc it’s the future and i’m not there yet so then i analyze now to see if there’s any actual signs of me being bi
kirubenkiruben
- Date posted
- 6y
I think female bisexuality is a very common thing In humans. As men we out on hunting war and other stuff and most men don't care about female satisfaction. It's a natural part of women having affection towards other women. And even straight women do have some kind of an attraction towards other women because children have an attraction towards their mother since child birth compared to their fathers
kaysfkaysf
- Date posted
- 6y
this kinda triggered me because i feel like you’re telling me i am bi. i don’t like the thoughts of kissing my friends fyi. and when it comes to being attracted to other females, i wouldn’t say i’m attracted, its more i notice that they are attractive. and most of the time it’s out of my own insecurities. so for example i’m really insecure of my nose so i’ll notice when another girl has a nice nose. and i’m insecure of my body so i’ll notice she has a nice body and i’m like dang i wish i had her body
[Deleted][Deleted]
- Date posted
- 6y
Comment deleted by user
EsosaEsosa
- Date posted
- 6y
This is very real for me! I didn’t really like those urges or feelings because none of them were really satisfying. I don’t want it to seem that I’m hiding my feelings or anything but I don’t think I’ll ever be interested in romantically or sexually pursuing my friends.
[Deleted][Deleted]
- Date posted
- 6y
Comment deleted by user
kaysfkaysf
- Date posted
- 6y
exactly how i feel. like i don’t want to date a girl. but then my hocd tells me stuff like “you do you just don’t know it yet”
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