- Date posted
- 28w
What are your best dialogues against ocd thoughts
I have HOCD, as female who identified as straight until before hocd hit me. Now if I state my orientation it would be a compulsion. I keep watching wlw, lesbians scenes, bisexual women dating reels, and stuff, and it scares me. I do that for erp and whenever I see it I become very sad. Like some problem to be solved, like something that won't let me be happy at all. I focus on the anxiety, but it's so hard to not get involved in the compulsions, most of the times I have absolute control, other times I fall weak . I have periods where I don't have those thoughts about women and it feels so liberating, so safe to be in my own skin. OCD makes me doubt everything and I wish to depart from this body and mind and inhabit another, with a clearer mindset, a clear non ocd brain. I hate this. I have read so much about my disease, did my research by reading books by well known coaches in the ocd community, and there are times I still wonder if it is ocd. The therapist I went to was actually horrible and she told me it was not ocd, and I should try to be straight and that women kissing was just something born out of curiosity and lack of options. How primitive. She also said that I didn't think like a lesbian/ gay because she "knew what the lesbians and gays were going through when they came to her". I was better off not going to her. I wonder at times if I act on groinals with no consequent shame, It would mean that I enjoy it. However from the first day of research I had concluded that groinals mean nothing. Loved watching wlw as much as bls, but had never associated myself with it. My next fear is being around someone who is experimenting and I keep having thoughts like maybe I would love to experiment and what if I ended up liking it? It's so tiring. What words, and things did you try as erp ? Also how advisable is it to interact with the thoughts beyond "maybe yes maybe no"? Please do share if you have some advice on this part :)