feeling weird. Reddit

And i understand where you're coming from, there were very extreme times when you said: "wow, what's the limit of this? That's so bad", it's what kills you the most inside. One time on Reddit i was also talking to someone about real events, and i don't want to sound hypocritical because i also did very bad things, but that person told me something way serious, that they actually did hurt a real person badly (don't want to mention it to avoid triggering) i stopped answering them too. But that also makes me wonder what the limit is, when it really constitutes OCD and when it is hiding behind the disorder? How can i be so sure that i'm not like them? I can't stop thinking distressing things about being like them or that i'm an enabler too

@Tireddd Hello I read your comments and am going to respond later I just got caught up in something busy hopefully you don’t think im ignoring I will respond🩷🩷 I feel similar as you

@dee012 Yeah, don't worry! 🩷

@Tireddd OK, I am back, I was taking a quick break outside. I honestly have the same questions as you, but we will never know. I am diagnosed with OCD and I still, will never know. The person I was talking toon Reddit was saying some questionable things, but I try not to judge as the questionable things they were saying I’ve had in Forms of intrusive thoughts, and people with OCD sometimes tend to talk as if they’re intrusive Thoughts are real. I also was ignoring the red flags and bad feelings because I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt and not really jumped to conclusions, as my POCD and real events and trauma has been pretty bad. But obviously, when it was right in my face that something was wrong, I stopped responding. If we feel as though how we acted in those times speaking to those people on Reddit, was not OK, or maybe we continued in a conversation that we shouldn’t have, it is fine to feel that way. You know you stop responding at a certain point, which is good, but all you can do for future reference is to not continue a conversation where Things might go left especially with a stranger on Reddit. I can’t really hold the same standards I hold people on this app, to people on Reddit. Lol Have u seen therapist on here? Or went to OCD specialized therapist? It will help

@dee012 Also, not trying to reassure, I just don’t want you to think me suggesting therapy is anything bad, I just know once people get evaluated and be honest with the therapist, and they get a diagnosis, once they start ERP treatment it gets easier to deal with OCD

@dee012 I have not been able to have specialized therapy here, i'm from Mexico, in the area where i live there is not much attention to this. 😓 I'm going to go to a public hospital with a psychiatrist soon, i've already told many psychologists the same thing, my events and they reassure me, but sometimes i feel like they're biased to be kind to me, i have mentioned OCD to them but they always said no/kind of dismissed, i don't know if they still have the idea that OCD is only about washing hands, or if they actually mean it. Don't know :(

@dee012 Thank you for your recommendation, are you going through therapy with NOCD?

The difference between people with OCD and actual pdfs is they KNOW they are pds, one of the BIGGEST tricks OCD sends is " what if this isn't OCD, and I'm just using OCD as a mask and denying who i really am?" peds don't doubt their attractions for an instant. I think its understandable they might try to find ways to explain why they have their attractions, and using POCD would be one of those, but its kinda like, WE have OCD that RESULTS in POCD , THEY have the attractions and they turn TO OCD to try to possible explain it but inside, they KNOW. its like, i KNOW I'm attracted to men, i could question if i COULD be attracted to women, or minors all day long, but i would have my doubts, there is NOT DOUBT what so EVER that i AM attracted to me. That is where the difference lies, having the doubt is the proof its OCD.

@Tireddd - stay off reddit. that site is AWFUL for mental health and especially bad for OCD.

@TexasOCD41 It was a Reddit chat!! Well first, i posted in OCD forum, then i got some msgs and decided to respond to some.. and that one just went extremely left.. like gross. Just feel sad that i was like going in depth about sexual themes ocd and agreeing with some of the things they were saying from an OCD standpoint then things just got super weird so i asked a few more questions which led me to ignore them bc i was like wtf. A REAL PDO. I hate Reddit. It’s a place you can be extremely open… But bad people are on there

@dee012 - knew it lol its the dark web in my opinion lol i would just stay off of it. Stick to NOCD for OCD related topics. People go to Reddit for confirmation and approval of their conditions, not for help.If that person were really struggling with OCD, they would more than likely be on apps like this, not reddit. i NEVER EVER get on that site.

@TexasOCD41 No yea I regret it. I guess before my journey on NOCD, when I was crazy looking up a whole bunch of stuff because I was like wtf is going on (start of figuring out its OCD) Reddit was I guess helpful because I found a lot of people talking about POCD , ROCD, etc.. and then I ended up finding out about this app so I would only really go to Reddit to talk about explicit trauma I went through and sexul theme ocd without being monetized… always in the OCD group tho.. but I guess the weirdos linger around the OCD forums!! Msging that guy I kept getting weird feelings or like bad feelings like red flags but I ignored bc I wanted to be open minded + I’ve heard it all on here and still thought people had OCD but after a certain point I just stopped responding and I was really scared for a while. This was last year

Sometimes i forget that there is bad intention and that many people really have them, i don't know if that's what you mean, my biggest fear is causing harm without intention, something i've been close to doing already. My mind always tells me: "Well, what if they didn't have any bad intentions? Wouldn't they be like you?" And that's scary, it kind of amplifies my fears of being bad

@Tireddd I agree and I go through this also. It’s really difficult because ocd tends to just distort things.. and ask all these what ifs I agree also how it amplifies fears

@Tireddd Keep in mind “ what if” statements are almost always OCD and should not be interpreted or analyzed because they are not based on logic. Causing harm to someone with out intention is called an accident. It happens all day everyday. I hurt people’s feelings sometimes, it’s not my intention but I might say something that they didn’t interpret how I intended. But no one just accidentally causes serious harm without bad intentions. Being a bad person is WANTING to hurt people and not caring about it.

@TexasOCD41 Keeping this in mind… because false memory ocd is eating away at me so bad. Taking every little thing and twisting it.

@TexasOCD41 It's just that it's quite confusing, because what i did was unintentionally bad, but at the same time it was disgusting and weird, not an isolated accident. I saw disgusting things when i was younger thinking it was normal or that it wasn't bad, but since i realized that It was indeed, bad, i can't stop thinking what that means about me, why did i saw that consistently, what is wrong with me? The explanation that occurs to me is that i have always been in great need of attention due to things/neglect from my childhood, i resorted to sexualization as a child/teenager and thought that attention and affection = the disgusting things. But it still doesn't fit completely for me, i don't understand how or why

@Tireddd Can I ask what you did that you think is so terrible? It helps me understand how to help if i understand the actual science rather than vague references

@dee012 “ didn’t matter then, doesn’t matter now, not falling for the OCD trap” “ what if just means never was”

@TexasOCD41 I saw fictional sexual content involving weird things like incest, even minors or animals, this from 11-12 until i was 15, that was when i realized, i had a crisis and stopped completely inapropiate content intake. I can't understand why, if i always consciously thought that was disgusting, i don't understand why i never connected it with what i was watching. I think it didn't help much that i was involved in discord servers or things like that that normalized that type of content, or that i did get involved in inappropriate things with people older than me on the internet. Everything went to hell when i was 11 years old and got involved in roleplaying stuff without actually knowing what i was doing, i was exposed to inappropriate material much earlier, but i saw relatively "normal" things until i entered that place I never felt attracted to someone younger than me or an animal, i think it was the other way around, sometimes i purposely sought out people older than me. I feel like it was some sort of self-degradation, but i really don't understand it, it's so disgusting and i would like to erase all that completely from my life, it's not possible and it's incredibly difficult for me to live with that. I know it's really weird to think that you don't do something like that on purpose, but that's how i've felt, it's not like i was thinking "I'm going to see abuse today," it wasn't like that at all

@Tireddd I went through something similar, you aren’t alone.

@TexasOCD41 Have you seen the other comment that posted? I wonder if it’s only me who has the comment deleting thing

@Tireddd I think you’re ocd is forcing you to be extremely hard on yourself and hyper analyzing your younger self. From what I see, you watched some icky stuff and at age 11 you might have been exposed to some adult situations. Let me tell you, I have watched some MESSSEEDD up stuff online, I still do look up taboo things out of curiosity but what you watched is not a reflection of you. Humans have a morbid curiosity, EVERYONE does, don’t let anyone fool you saying that haven’t gone down a dark rabbit hole online because they have. I’m sorry you saw some stuff that has set up unwelcome residence in your brain but take comfort that what we watch doesn’t reflect who we are. Now as an 11 year old, you’re a child, incapable of understanding adult situations so whatever you participated in is just another thing you should give yourself permission to let go. Ocd makes that EXTREMELY difficult, it makes us over analyze things we have done and see them as unforgivable which simply is not true. I actually have done some pretty horrible things when I was suffering from alcohol addiction. Things I would do anything to undo but they are in the past and while i didn’t see a problem with them at the time, age, maturity and sobriety made me realize “ yea you kinda were an awful person but that was then, today is today, just don’t do those things again and live the life you want” it’s really that simple lol. You just need to remind yourself you have OCD, It’s making you distort reality and put tiny things under a microscope that don’t need any investigation. Nothing you described to me sent up any red flags.