clair_m88

Date posted: 18w

ROCD & friends

Hi everyone☀️ has anyone ever vented to a friend without knowing it is a compulsion? Meaning like you believe the thoughts so much in your head you vent to them and they agree with you? Which then fuels your obsessions about your relationship even more? I have really done that less lately the more I have learned about my ROCD, but wanted to know if anyone else experiences this? It’s so hard when we think we are just venting and then someone agrees or goes along with the obsession because they don’t understand the OCD..which then fuels my ROCD 😭 idk if I’m making sense lol hopefully someone understands

Relationship OCD

Flyfishingguy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18w

All day today I’ve been wanting to text my wife a list of all my compulsions and I write it out then delete , I want to beg her to like just indulge it with me but I stop myself because it’s triggering to her and makes her sad and I love my wife so much

captain_kapai

Date posted: 17w

Gosh, thanks for your lessons learned, I just realised I do the same thing. When in distress because of my ROCD, I turn to trusted people in my life and talk about what presumably terrible thing might be going on and how I might need to end the relationship. And when they want to be supportive I find it supports what I actually don’t want and what I am actually just afraid of.

clair_m88

Date posted: 17w

@captain_kapai Yes exactly. And I will want to agree but a part of me is so terrified and doesn’t want to. It is so scary they ROCD can trick us so much…

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 17w

@claire12 Hello claire12, the challenge with OCD, is the deaire for things to be different, and how that feels dangerous. The secret is that OCD feeds on that doubt, "What if that happens?" I will offer a different question, "What happens?" ERP is the method I can recommend here at NOCD, to transform the "What if?" To "What happened?" You can experience that change, so don't let doubt drive you Take a chance and sit with uncertainty. We are here at NOCD to help with this journey. I hope you find this helpful and know that at NOCD, we are always here to help!

OCD Helping ...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17w

I absolutely understand. I used to do this with my mom back in the day. It's really normal. Recognizing it and trying to reduce this compulsion is key now. Remember, there is NOTHING wrong with venting, but if you're ALWAYS looking to someone else to give you the advice you need, make you feel better, constantly checking, etc, then it is likely a compulsion.

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 18w

This makes complete sense! I hear this often from Members as they gain insight into OCDs tricks and how the compulsions really are not helpful. Great work on reducing the venting to a friend compulsion. Do you have any tips or tricks to share with others on how you were able to reduce it?

clair_m88

Date posted: 17w

@Jennifer Dalimonte I think noticing in my body how the compulsions don’t feel right. Like I’m noticing a panic within myself and it’s not comforting? My therapist helps me feel more attached to my body so I’m able to recognize fight or flight. And also she’s teaching me the “maybe maybe not” trick and trying to remember that I have to practice learning what I want

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 17w

@claire12 - Lovely work! Thank you for sharing :) Embracing whatever arises and the uncertainty around it is key in moving through the fear and conquering OCD!

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 17w

I hear you claire12 and want to say this is a common challenge when seeking support for symptoms of OCD. Often the responses received tend to the opposite of help. Even though it feels like no one understands, I want you to know there are ways to engage with your friends, that actually supports you in overcoming OCD. Hear at NOCD myself and other therapists can help you learn skills for you to overcome OCD and learn to be able to ask friends for help, in a way that supports your recovery.

MichelleV

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17w

The urge to confess or express all your thoughts is so common with OCD. I’m glad you’re learning about your ROCD and minimizing the compulsions. It’s hard work! Something that helps me is telling my close friend that I want to express what I’m struggling with, but I do not want her to give me words, advice, or reassurance. So for me, that looks like “Hey bestie, my OCD is being loud right now. Do you have space for me to describe what’s going on, but can you please reframe from saying anything other than you hear me?” Make sure to not do so in a way that is a sneaky compulsion (OCD loves those).

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 16w

Hello, What you are saying makes total sense. Venting or confessing are common compulsions people use to get reassurance. Like you mentioned it can be difficult to identify if these talks with your friends are compulsive or not. One way to tell if you are engaging in a compulsion is to notice if the behavior or thoughts pattern provides momentary certainty or relief.

Bruce M

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16w

Yes sometimes this can happen with confessions. This can be good to get things into perspective but is bad I guess if you take it too far and re confess too many times. Please contact NOCD and ask your questions. There are also lots of good tips on the Patrick McGrath Wednesday night webinar on the NOCD page on YouTube. Or really any NOCD webinar can be helpful. Go ahead and check out some of the videos. In addition you can contact NOCD for a free 15 minute call to discuss further. They can offer more detail than I can here. https://www.treatmyocd.com/about-us/contact-us

Mack3133!

Date posted: 16w

I’m new to the app, wanting feedback?

I’m new to the app and wanting to know who else experiences this form of ocd. Some background I was a therapist for over 10 years now I am out of the clinical space. So I have background knowledge of ocd but never knew much about relationship ocd. I realized over the last several years with my now fiancé, that I have a hard time just letting go in general, whether that’s an argument or statement or feeling. I want to be able to just accept things at face value and move on (and talk later if my partner is ready as needed). But when conflict arises I can’t disengage till there is a clear resolution. It’s causing serious strife as he can feel trapped and it escalates the argument. I am reading more and this sounds like relationship OCD. Anyone else experience this? Curious on what others have done to work on this for themselves. I do have a therapist but we are not doing work in this area yet as I am realizing this is an actual concern.

OoOcCdD66

Date posted: 15w

R-OCD...cheating fears

Currently I have several different OCD fears that pop up throughout the week depending on the situation. I've noticed a commonality between all of them are the fears relating to memory/false memory. Today is the ROCD struggle I've been dealing with. I know OCD has been trying this on me lately because of how much I love my spouse. They are my absolute best friend and she's my world. I value our marriage and friendship more than anything. OCD has latched onto one specific female coworker. And I don't even know why because even if I were single I wouldn't be into her. Even still, OCD makes me think I've cheated on my wife every time I'm alone with this coworker at work. Always starts as a what if, followed by imagery, followed by feelings that I must've actually done something and can't remember it. Usually fearing I've kissed her. It hurts because I know I'd never do that to my wife and I love her so much...the idea of losing her kills me, especially if it were the result of something I did. Just wanted to vent. Feel free to share your experiences or vents as well

Tryingmybest12

Date posted: 15w

My ROCD Has Made my Personal Life Such a Mess

Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks

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