ROCD & friends

All day today I’ve been wanting to text my wife a list of all my compulsions and I write it out then delete , I want to beg her to like just indulge it with me but I stop myself because it’s triggering to her and makes her sad and I love my wife so much

Gosh, thanks for your lessons learned, I just realised I do the same thing. When in distress because of my ROCD, I turn to trusted people in my life and talk about what presumably terrible thing might be going on and how I might need to end the relationship. And when they want to be supportive I find it supports what I actually don’t want and what I am actually just afraid of.

I absolutely understand. I used to do this with my mom back in the day. It's really normal. Recognizing it and trying to reduce this compulsion is key now. Remember, there is NOTHING wrong with venting, but if you're ALWAYS looking to someone else to give you the advice you need, make you feel better, constantly checking, etc, then it is likely a compulsion.

This makes complete sense! I hear this often from Members as they gain insight into OCDs tricks and how the compulsions really are not helpful. Great work on reducing the venting to a friend compulsion. Do you have any tips or tricks to share with others on how you were able to reduce it?

I hear you claire12 and want to say this is a common challenge when seeking support for symptoms of OCD. Often the responses received tend to the opposite of help. Even though it feels like no one understands, I want you to know there are ways to engage with your friends, that actually supports you in overcoming OCD. Hear at NOCD myself and other therapists can help you learn skills for you to overcome OCD and learn to be able to ask friends for help, in a way that supports your recovery.

The urge to confess or express all your thoughts is so common with OCD. I’m glad you’re learning about your ROCD and minimizing the compulsions. It’s hard work! Something that helps me is telling my close friend that I want to express what I’m struggling with, but I do not want her to give me words, advice, or reassurance. So for me, that looks like “Hey bestie, my OCD is being loud right now. Do you have space for me to describe what’s going on, but can you please reframe from saying anything other than you hear me?” Make sure to not do so in a way that is a sneaky compulsion (OCD loves those).

Hello, What you are saying makes total sense. Venting or confessing are common compulsions people use to get reassurance. Like you mentioned it can be difficult to identify if these talks with your friends are compulsive or not. One way to tell if you are engaging in a compulsion is to notice if the behavior or thoughts pattern provides momentary certainty or relief.

Yes sometimes this can happen with confessions. This can be good to get things into perspective but is bad I guess if you take it too far and re confess too many times. Please contact NOCD and ask your questions. There are also lots of good tips on the Patrick McGrath Wednesday night webinar on the NOCD page on YouTube. Or really any NOCD webinar can be helpful. Go ahead and check out some of the videos. In addition you can contact NOCD for a free 15 minute call to discuss further. They can offer more detail than I can here. https://www.treatmyocd.com/about-us/contact-us