I miss my humanity so much. Yall this is so weird but i always dreamt of traveling and living on an island and i just heard music i listened in the times where i dreamt of that. And it makes me so sad because all that pssion and excitement is gone and it hits me how empty i am now. I dont know for how long this will keep going.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Wisteria

Date posted: 5y

I would say write down your inspirations, that's what I do. I write a lot of music. Passion can only be found with inspiration.

hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y

I know but thats it, it all has been sucked out of me. I wish i had something to write down. I wis i had the desire for anything. Gosh i feel so empty and meaningless, its like ever since my ocd im not genuinely into something because i dont feel like myself at all but im so sick of it. My ocd has reached everything in my life to the point i get anxious about almost everything like series or music u know. It really sucks so much...

Wisteria

Date posted: 5y

@hocdgirlsummer Even though I think you said you have no interests, can I ask if you go to therapy to help you? What do you find is the best therapy for your type of OCD?

hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y

@Wisteria I wish i could go to therapy but it costs so much and in my country the waitlist is about 2-3 years. Im also 17 y/o and dont want to tell my parents about this because they truly have so much other problems and 5 children and i just cant push another problem on their shoulders. I havent really looking into therapy yet :/

Wisteria

Date posted: 5y

@hocdgirlsummer The waiting is 2-3 years? You sound like me so far when I was growing up. Do you feel responsible for others but forget about yourself?

hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y

@Wisteria No not really... i wish that was it. I have ocd u know and i have a lot of anxiety like a loooooot. About evergthing. But i wish i didnt and i could only hope it was something else because im scared this can never be cured.

hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y

@hocdgirlsummer Oh and jupp its 2-3 years its insane. I live in holland its very small but there are quit a lot of people in need of an therapist here and there arent many. Kinda crazy bevaue my country is rated as one of the countrys with the most happiest people lol. Anyways i hope im able to fix this on my own with help from people on here...

Moonalterego

Date posted: 5y

Yeah, I know the feeling of being unable to be passionate or exited towards anything anylonger, It left our heart with emptiness. This's something we cannot predict when it will pass, but if you into religion try to be a religious person. At least in my case it helps filling my heart instead of being empty, it's like a little treatment for me till someday maybe I can feel exited again. Hope you find your own little treatment.

hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y

Hey! Im religious yeah. Sadly i feel like even my connecrion with god has been damaged by my ocd. I used to have a strong bond and everything in the bible used to make so much sense and my mental health was at peace so much. But because ive been brainwashed so much by my ocd and ive become so drained ive just started to act bad as a human being. I find it really hard to care about things and i wish i didnr have that. But i know its my ocd that plays a big part bur i cant help but feel really guilty about my latest behaviour. I wish i did more for others and helped my parents and this list goes on and on and on. Do you maybe have tips on how im able to strengthen my connecrion with god again??

Moonalterego

Date posted: 5y

First you need to realize that your OCD is a proof that God love you, how? Well, do you know that the most loved people by the God and the the nearest ones to Him are prophets, yet instead of being live easily they're undergoing the most hardest life, a lot of obstacles and tests. Why? because the love of God it's different with the love of human, with human when he/she love someone he/she will do anything to make the loved one happy, but with God it's the opposite if He love someone He would give him/her trials, perils, challange because if they be able to endure or be patient they'll be rewarded and His rewards are saved in the afterlife that everlast. For He only give the best for the loved one and what the best on His eyes is a reward that have eternal quality which only can be gain in afterlife, not just a temporal worldly pleasure. Hence the more hurdle we faced the more rewards He'll present for us, this is what I believe in my religion. So don't worry even if you couldn't do anything to help people around you, just being survived with your own struggles is already the act of devotion as long as you're being patient, not angry or being destructive. He already distributes His rewards equally, for healthy people rewards will be given by being just and helping others, for people with illness rewards will be given by being patients and do no harm to themselves while continuely seeking the cure. As for the OCD currently I'm implementing ERP method, I don't know if it's going to work but so far so good.

hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y

Heey! Wow thats like really good to hear but on the other hand im like, this is life. As much as i want to live this life to be able to serve god and wait for the afterlife im still like, i wanna have a good time here too! I know whst its like to be happy and right now im only 17 and i dont want to suffer the whole Time because i cant see the good sides of this right now because im in it u know. I really wish i could still recover and have a good time bevause i do wsnt to become a wife and have children without hocd in the picture. I do wanna thank you for opening my eye because ur message defenitly made sense. Ik christian whst is your religion?

Moonalterego

Date posted: 5y

It's normal, everybody wants to live happily, that's why you need to do the treatment regularly so you can be recovered in the near future and spent the rest of your life with a healthy life. Meanwhile, you can still serve God in your restriction conditions with a small good deed that you're capable doing, just make a small adjustment, God is never sleep. I'm a muslim.

Northern_Dow...

Date posted: 23w

Missing when I felt ok.

I miss when I wasn't ruminating 24/7, waking up with horrible anxiety or spending all day doing compulsions. Even when I try so hard to resist them I just end up in a spiral. I miss when I was comfortable in my nonbinary identity and didn't have TOCD and now everything feels wrong and conflicting. I miss when I wasn't depressed and disabled. I know I can never get that person back. I haven't seen that person since high school. Ive spent years with this disorder and i havent gotten better despite therapy and meds. I don't know if I'll ever be happy again.

sophia70

Date posted: 21w

Worried about going to hell

I’ve been worried that I will go to hell and have lost a lot of my interests, personality and even music I like . I don’t know who I am anymore

ocdsurviver

Date posted: 18w

I’m tired

I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’ve lost so much weight due to this mental illness. I sleep 18 hours a day to escape these thoughts. I grieve my old self so much. I miss crushing on men, I miss loving men, I miss dressing up nice and get compliments from men, I miss listening to music and daydream about my dream man. I miss wanting to get married and have my own kids with my dream husband. All of those things… I’ve desired them so much and I’ve daydreamed about them so much. My OCD is telling me that it’s all fake. I miss my old desire and love for men. I’m so tired of being alive. I’m so tired of seeing multiple posts where people who apparently suffered from SOOCD became their fears. I’m so tired. Cause y’all probably didn’t even have ocd in the first place idc. I will say it again, has it been someone with pocd or harm ocd and their obsessions/fears became true NONE of y’all would’ve had the same reaction. Stop normalizing soocd obsessions becoming true. It is someone’s worst nightmare. People are out here attempting because of it.

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