suic. ocd advice?

so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.

Gremlin of D...

Date posted: 22w

I have this theme, these thoughts, and these doubts. It’s so hard, but the only thing that worked for me was intense ERP and accepting the unknown. You’ve got this. ❤️

cows12465

Date posted: 22w

@Breanna thank you!!

Anais V

Date posted: 21w

I have these exact thoughts!I wouldn’t go near rope, or anything that could potentially harm. I wrapped myself in blankets to feel safe from myself and eventually like yours made me question my entire mental health. I would ask myself if I am depressed etc, even though I knew I was not. Besides the point, you have to be super patient with yourself with this form of ocd. It took me six months to get close to stopping these thoughts which developed into existential ocd. But honestly taking about sui** was the most helpful thing. Talking about every thought, and taking in day by day. Maybe you are suic**** maybe your not, but what you do know is that you are still alive right now.

cows12465

Date posted: 21w

@Anais V thank you sooo very much. i’m currently and have been for a while with what you were.

kct.wubsart

Date posted: 21w

I deal with this exact thing!!! Many, other than this community, don’t understand the reality of living with these thoughts 95% of the time. It’s exhausting to live it and even more exhausting to explain!! I’m in ERP working on this (and3000 other thoughts 😅) which helps to know I simply have an outlet. Talking about it and sharing it with others has made me feel not alone, not like an anomaly who was meant to d*e. Something I rarely see people mention as a skill is journaling both when I feel these thoughts, but more importantly when I feel my best. When I’m at my worst, I look back at the moments I’ve journaled and felt true happiness. It helps me to understand that I WILL have happy thoughts again and these s*****al thoughts WILL pass.

cows12465

Date posted: 21w

@Anonymous YES YES!! thank you!! i hope all is well

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 21w

Hi, I believe you when you say you treasure your life because OCD preys on anything that we value! What would it take you you to get back into treatment? You deserve to have peace in your life. Try replacing urges to ruminate on the with accepting uncertainty. For ex, instead of ruminating, think "maybe this is true, maybe not" or "I can accept the uncertainty of these thoughts." We are here for you at treatmyocd.com, and I hope you will reach out!

cows12465

Date posted: 18w

suic ocd

the thoughts that have been making me super anxious recently is every-time I’m around someone im happy with my mind is like “they will miss you” or “they will wonder why you did it when your always happy” it’s eating me i hate it. i’m tired of this theme, it’s been on and off for three years. but it makes me more anxious now the it does before. please share tips

cows12465

Date posted: 16w

suic. ocd

does anyone else with this theme feel like their suic. ocd skyrockets when something in your life happens?? i’ve been doing so good managing these thoughts and not panicking, but i had a event happen in my life and all of them are back hitting hard. i’m arguing with myself on whether im actually depressed or not and “what if this means my thoughts are real”, it’s all what if thoughts, but because ive been doing so good with them, what if they are real this time? like im panicking again because im scared they are real? like i’m not depressed im just going through a few things right now. idk what it is. but i really need tips on how to help with setbacks and what to do to stop myself from arguing with my mind when i already know the truth.

Medicine2021_

Date posted: 10w

Suicidal OCD and harm OCD

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…

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suic. ocd advice?

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