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I have this theme, these thoughts, and these doubts. It’s so hard, but the only thing that worked for me was intense ERP and accepting the unknown. You’ve got this. ❤️

I have these exact thoughts!I wouldn’t go near rope, or anything that could potentially harm. I wrapped myself in blankets to feel safe from myself and eventually like yours made me question my entire mental health. I would ask myself if I am depressed etc, even though I knew I was not. Besides the point, you have to be super patient with yourself with this form of ocd. It took me six months to get close to stopping these thoughts which developed into existential ocd. But honestly taking about sui** was the most helpful thing. Talking about every thought, and taking in day by day. Maybe you are suic**** maybe your not, but what you do know is that you are still alive right now.

I deal with this exact thing!!! Many, other than this community, don’t understand the reality of living with these thoughts 95% of the time. It’s exhausting to live it and even more exhausting to explain!! I’m in ERP working on this (and3000 other thoughts 😅) which helps to know I simply have an outlet. Talking about it and sharing it with others has made me feel not alone, not like an anomaly who was meant to d*e. Something I rarely see people mention as a skill is journaling both when I feel these thoughts, but more importantly when I feel my best. When I’m at my worst, I look back at the moments I’ve journaled and felt true happiness. It helps me to understand that I WILL have happy thoughts again and these s*****al thoughts WILL pass.

Hi, I believe you when you say you treasure your life because OCD preys on anything that we value! What would it take you you to get back into treatment? You deserve to have peace in your life. Try replacing urges to ruminate on the with accepting uncertainty. For ex, instead of ruminating, think "maybe this is true, maybe not" or "I can accept the uncertainty of these thoughts." We are here for you at treatmyocd.com, and I hope you will reach out!