Why do we get supper triggered when we are a bit happy? Because I was super fine like 10 minutes ago but got triggered and now I’m down

I was literally happy af not so long ago and then I came across porn on twitter and got hard and when I was in the process of getting super hard I saw a guy first on the second porn on someone’s profile and then my ocd thoughts made it seems as if it was the guy that got me hard and now I’m going crazy

@Mod22 Yup, ive been there too. Ive avoided my boyfriend bc I tested myself w lesbian porn and felt attracted to it. Ive found myself confusing extreme anxiety and being turned on so thats ass. People are attracted sexually to sexual things so it doesnt necessarily mean that I/ you are full blown gay.

@sorryitsemmy Funny thing is before all of this I’ve been completely comfortable with my sexuality. But now I’m sort of like holding myself back because I have a bright personality I’m a bit popular at my dorm and on campus so it makes it seem as if it’s a bit feminine and also I’ve just been dimming my light a lot but I’m getting myself back up but it’s not a easy battle

@sorryitsemmy My exes really love lesbian porn we used to watch it together and I loved it too and her and her roommate watched it together but it never bothered their sexuality it’s crazy how we get so affected by shit and other people don’t before this I never had any gay thought urge to watch porn anything like that and I’m 21

@Mod22 Its honestly hard w my boyfriend sometimes cause during sex My obsessions will be like “hey what if its not your boyfriend its actually that girl in your lecture that has cool outfits” then its like well fuck and it completely turns me away. Its seriously a struggle and since im in college, and assuming you are too because you mentioned dorms in your other posts, it distracts the hell out of me and I cant focus in class or get work done

@sorryitsemmy Yeah I’m in college and I was having the time of my life till I smoked weed and then got here I was dating someone and the sex wasn’t good for the first few times and she was really pretty I didn’t feel it and also had another girlfriend who was really good in bed and I had to choose because it was getting messy and I couldn’t juggle both at the same time so i decided to get the one with looks and also still fuck around a bit and on the week where I had ocd I remember I got it on a Thursday. I was sexually exhausted and told my friend that I’m not feeling sex and then hit weed on Wednesday and the thoughts of me not feeling the sex hit me on some nigga that’s a bit gay that a hot girl like that didn’t do the things on you

@Mod22 I used to think I was full blown fucking awol because of these thoughts that started when I was 14, im 20 now and finally just got diagnosed because I didnt realize that I basically recoded my brain to think like I do. And same with the bright personality, I had a great group of friends and my obsessions grabbed me so hard and I thought “why not, fuck it” and I just destroyed everything. Other people have mentioned to me how I seem more reserved when months ago I was outgoing and always weird but in a good way.

@sorryitsemmy I still get work done and pass because I’m so far from home like 10’hour drive or 2 hour flight so I cant really afford to fail sorry for the long paragraphs I talk a lot ?

@sorryitsemmy Yeah me too and I have a lot of female friends and mostly because I wanted to get with them, already got with them or want their friends or even hit on me but now it seems as if I’m gay because I spent a lot of time with them

@Mod22 Bruh I cant smoke anymore I tweak like no other. Also.. rocd, or relationship ocd, may be something thats in your head too. I have it. I never trust that my bf actually likes me or that im actually attracted to him or that im a lesbian so all of my obsessions are intertwined kinda nuts

@sorryitsemmy Yeah when the relationship started I did have a little bit of Rocd because I had just gotten out of a serious relationship and immediately got into another and she was everything to me the only girl who’s ever made me smile and cry like that ever I loved her dearly and also she was really good in bed so maybe I was subconsciously judging all of the sex I was having with the others and also I had Health ocd before this I had a fear of getting aids and also feard that I have it and healed from that only to get Hocd a few weeks later

@Mod22 Yup, had a lot of guy friends and thought that made me gay. I had guy friends though bc of similar personalities but I thought it made me gay that I also dress tomboy-ish. And style is something important to me but I switched that shit up so I looked more feminine. My friends used to tease me about being gay cause i wasnt super feminine personality wise and that set me off.

@sorryitsemmy That’s really fucked up I’m sorry about that but how are you doing? My mind isn’t racing as much as it used to but I get triggered when I least expect it and also I’m super depressed and just not happy i would say I’m a bit normal now but being in this state for 7/8 months made me forget how being normal feels like

@Mod22 Rocd had me convinced that I hated my bf and when we broke up for a week I instantly regretted it. I was so emotionless in the depth of my ocd that I would go to extremes to try to just get some like spark of emotion in me. I also have health ocd. I cant eat out and I sometimes fear that my food has been poisoned or tainted I draw really extreme conclusions

@sorryitsemmy If I may ask which form is bigger

@Mod22 Im doing okay, im working on it. My grades arent as great because I get so caught in my head and I weigh literally nothing bc my health ocd got me going crazy. My mind races a lot but I started prozac and its a little calmer. I really appreciate that I can basically spill my entire life story to you and you understand it. My obsessions last for months. Been in my homosexual bag for about 4 months so far.

@Mod22 Honestly, to which form is bigger: it varies. When im not worried about my health, im worried about being gay, or vice versa. On the other hand, if im not worried about those, im worried that someone is watching me and waiting to kill me. I dont know how im not a recluse at this point I manage somehow

@sorryitsemmy Did you try counseling?

@Mod22 Yeah, Ive been doing counseling for three months so far. Have you?

@sorryitsemmy It seems like you have a lot of forms I’d suggest that you practice mindfullness therapy is basically just ignoring your thoughts I know it’s easier said than done but it helps

@sorryitsemmy Yes I have but I’m only delayed because I was ashamed because I have Hocd and I went there and then got a shitty counsellor and now I have a good one but also I won’t be able to finish my sessions because we going on a 3 month recess

@Mod22 Thats ass. In the meantime, it would help to talk about it to someone that knows whats up, like me or someone else with hocd. Also, thanks Im trying mindfulness rn bc I know that I have ocd. Ive let my ocd go unmaintained for six years and have wracked in some major obsessions

@sorryitsemmy I go through the exact same thing ... it’s awful

@lisaclaire Its definitely tormenting

@sorryitsemmy That’s crazy I just wanna get better ASAP I can’t imagine me having this for 6 years

@sorryitsemmy I’m just happy you getting the help you need

@Mod22 Hey thanks I really appreciate it! I hope things work out for you too, I know how over bearing ocd is