SOOCD

I feel like evryone is saying yeah the worst part is not knowing what my actual sexuality is however for me its like not that but more about being another sexuality and not being able to be with my bf because "my body and my truth are stronger then my will to stay with my bf". I also have the fear of SOOCD ending up being true or for example and more specifically liking it and never going back to men... I dont know if anyone relates to that, let me know!

Sexual Orientation OCD

ScuderiaAlpha

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 23w

Well often we find with OCD that the superficial content underlines what we sometimes call “core fears”. Often these are the fear of being miserable forever, finding out you’re a horrible person and most commonly of all the fear of being all alone. You can find this out quite quickly by following the train of thought. Example: someone with Harm OCD “I fear that I’ll harm someone” “If I harm someone that means I’ll go to prison” “If I go to prison then I’ll be all alone cut off from friends and family” “If that happens then my life will be completely miserable, I’ll be all alone and everyone will know I’m a horrible person. The content is superficial, but underpins these core fears. In your case with SOOCD it’s the fear of not being able to be with your boyfriend. If you can’t be with your boyfriend then you’ll be alone without someone you love. And WAIT if your SOOCD is true and you can “never go back to men” then that means you can’t marry a man and then, again, you would end up being alone unable to have the life you want for yourself. So it’s funny you say that the worst bit for you isn’t actually about being unclear about your sexuality, it’s about being unable to be with your boyfriend that you love because of that fact. This is way more common than you would think with people with SOOCD because often the true fear isn’t about being a different orientation, it’s just about being unable to be with some in that you want to be with or having your life be drastically different to how you planned it. I hope that makes sense, sorry it was quite long. But I hope that sheds some light on your question about SOOCD and fearing being unable to be with someone that you love rather than the sexuality part of it. Hope this helps. :))

Anonymousesti

Date posted: 23w

Thank you so much for your message! I agree with you on my core fears! I also fear that if my soocd ends up being true it means that all my life has been a lie and that I’ll lose everyone I care for! I also always wanted to fit in and of soocd ends up being true I’ll never fit in with my family (they’re all very open minded so it doesnt stem from homophobia I just want to be clear) and like I have some queer friends but my best friends arent queer so we just wont relate to each other. Basically my core fear is being different! Which makes the SOOCD harder because it does kinda sound like denial if you add everything up! Also I feel like my friends have crushes on guys like everyday and many per day and I never quite had that… in just scared that i love my bf platonically and not romantically uggggghhhg

Anonymousesti

Date posted: 19w

SOOCD

Just tired af... Anyone else feels like everything is a lie all the time and there is no "before the OCD I was boy crazy" just the OCD since forever... or denial because of that aspect? Really struggeling with the physical aspect of SOOCD : looking at a women's body and really feeling something and getting turned on and looking at a man's and not feeling anything... I just dont understand! I asked my friends and many of them said they dont feel anything looking at a man's body as well (they're straight) but also looking at a women's doesnt feel like much. I just dont understand ughhhh

Sexual Orientation OCD

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 19w

feeling helpless

As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.

anonymouscookie

Date posted: 7w

so ocd and bisexuality

Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a part of my journey that I’m struggling with right now. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd and while this is not my first subtype, ROCD and so ocd have definitely been the ones I’ve been struggling with the most. For context I have a boyfriend who I love very much and am terrified of loosing. That’s probably what ocd latched onto. The so-ocd especially is tricky because I’ve come to acknowledge that I am bisexual. Don’t worry I didn’t “discover” this through ocd, I’ve always known and it’s been in the back of my mind way before ocd, I had just never really directly acknowledged it because romantically I just always leaned towards men. The thing my ocd latched onto is “what if you are actually a lesbian and don’t know it yet and will have to leave your partner or are lying to your partner or end up leading him on” The thing is, I don’t have much experience with women except kissing my female best friend once, which didn’t feel special or made me have romantic feelings for her. I’ve always seeked men more actively than women and didn’t feel like I was gonna miss out if I get into a serious relationship with a man before having had more experience. I just know that I can be sexually attracted to women as well. But now that I’m in this beautiful relationship I’m terrified of getting it wrong or having missed something about myself or being scared that I’m actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself all along. I’m not seeking reassurance, just wanting to share and maybe someone else is going through something similar? If so I’d be so grateful to know I’m not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly and i really hope we will work out in the long run.

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