Itsybitsyspider

Date posted: 13d ago

Need help

For the past like 4 months, my ROCD has been getting worse and worse. I’ve been on lexapro for about 1.5 months now and it’s basically gotten rid of my anxiety and intrusive thoughts. But now I’m stuck with the constant feeling of not loving my bf. At this point I can’t even recognize him as someone I love. Like I will stare at him and try to feel something or recognize him but I feel nothing. It feels like I don’t love him anymore, but I don’t want to give up. I don’t know what to do at this point. I don’t know if it’s still the ocd and the medication is making it worse or if I’m truly just falling out of love with him. While not being on the verge of a panic attack and ruminating 24/7 is great, i feel like I’ve lost my identity and my emotions.

Relationship OCD

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 13d ago

Hey Itsybitsyspider, sorry that you're feeling this way and that things have been getting worse. The idea of falling out of love is gut wrenching. Being on medications is sometimes a journey, and along that journey it's a good idea to log some notes about how you're feeling to let your prescriber know. But it sounds like the OCD cycle can be at work here. I imagine the intrusive thoughts and feelings about not loving your bf is so discomforting that it makes sense to want to find an answer. If we just could feel that love again this could be put to rest, so it may seem totally understandable to search for that feeling when we’re with them, but that just becomes a compulsion. On top of that, the satisfaction might only last so long and lead us to more compulsions to check for feelings and answers again. ERP can give you some helpful tools to turn around moments like these, like offering you a different way to experience your time time spent together or not having to determine the status of your relationship based on intrusive thoughts or feelings, when you didn’t want to have them in the first place. Being preoccupied from obsessions and compulsions can really overshadow the time you spend, the memories you make, or even how you could feel if we weren't so consumed by the OCD cycle. Here’s a video that you might relate to if you haven’t seen it already https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jax9CeXRRIo. Our Care Team is ready to help if you have any questions or want a NOCD therapist to help you along your journey.

____Anonymou...

Date posted: 11d ago

Your account name seems familiar I think we’ve been going through the same thing for a while now..

Itsybitsyspider

Date posted: 8d ago

@____Anonymous_____ I’ve been posting more frequently bc of everything that’s going on. If you need some support feel free to message me. What I’ve been going through has been hard specially because I feel like no one else is experiencing rocd the same way I am.

____Anonymou...

Date posted: 8d ago

@Itsybitsyspider What have you been experiencing?

____Anonymou...

Date posted: 8d ago

@Itsybitsyspider I’m currently asking myself if I truly have ocd or if I’m just in denial that I fell out of love I’m a mess.

____Anonymou...

Date posted: 8d ago

@Itsybitsyspider I feel like I’m lying to him💔💔

Itsybitsyspider

Date posted: 8d ago

@____Anonymous_____ Right now I have constant thoughts of breaking up. I also am in this weird headspace where I don’t recognize him as someone I have a connection with or love. I’ve been on and off medications like my birth control and Lexapro so it’s made everything worse. Before I was messing with my medications, anytime I was away from him I would have this overwhelming feeling that i hated him. And I would overthink every possible thing. I would constantly think he was a terrible person and he was manipulating me etc. at this point I feel like I don’t know him. It’s been incredibly hard but I am sticking through it. I am pushing myself to not break up with him because I know deep down that I do love him. I saw someone comment on another post that being in a relationship is a choice. Even if I’m not feeling love or connected, I am choosing to stay with him and work through it.

Itsybitsyspider

Date posted: 8d ago

@____Anonymous_____ Also, I would recommend talking to him about what’s going on inside your head BUT be delicate when you talk to him about it. I’ve been open about my other ocd themes with him but with ROCD I have to choose what I share with him or how I share it with him. I’ve made the space we talk about it in casual so that it’s easier for me to share and it just feels like a conversation. I made the mistake of telling him that I felt like I don’t love him anymore in a public place because I was used to us talking so casually about it. It really hurt his feelings, which makes sense. Because I somewhat know these feelings aren’t real, I didn’t realize that what I’m saying will still hurt his feelings. Idk if that makes sense but my therapist said it’s important to be open but not to tell your partner everything bc it can end up hurting them or the relationship

____Anonymou...

Date posted: 8d ago

@Itsybitsyspider Thank you for the advice I’m so stuck between ocd or gut/intuition :(

Itsybitsyspider

Date posted: 8d ago

@____Anonymous_____ Try not to figure out where it’s coming from, just hear it and go on with your life. I know it’s hard, wishing you luck and peace ❤️

sunbear28

Date posted: 13d ago

im not a doctor so take this with a grain of salt, your dose of lexapro could be too high. I had the same thing happen to me (i felt like a zombie of who i used to be) and it was because my dose was too high for me. Especially when starting out. i’ve noticed going up in increments to a larger dose over a period of time helped a lot. ive been on so many anti depressants and anxiety meds over the years and its just really experimenting with finding out what works the best.

redbud

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 13d ago

My doctors were always very clear with me - SSRIs are useful supports to help you while you treat the root cause with therapy. They always said I should come off them as soon as I felt I could. Speaking from just my experience with them (I took Zoloft) they did alter my personality. I dealt with my ROCD with ERP. I had a lot of panic attacks and rumination while I was getting through it but im really glad for it now. I would talk to your therapist and explore your options. Maybe your dose is too high, maybe you need to come off it completely. I can’t say that only you and your doctor can determine that. But I highly doubt you are just suddenly having different feelings for your partner based on your situation.

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 12d ago

This does appear to require careful consideration as there could be multiple possibilities, I wonder if even feeling some low mood or feeling down is a component influencing your feelings and behaviors. Are you feeling a type of numbness in other areas of life as well...difficult feeling emotions related to things outside of your relationship? I would encourage speaking to your prescriber about feeling as though you have "lost identity and emotions" as the medication could be contributing and perhaps there are recommendations for change. Have you considered therapy at all? Therapy combined with appropriate medication is evidence based to be the most effective. Hang in there!

Hailey25

Date posted: 19w ago

Someone pls help w ROCD

I’m really frustrated with myself. I got diagnosed with ROCD about 2 and a half weeks ago and now it’s taken over my life. I was just with my boyfriend who is absolutely amazing and I was obsessed with 2 and a half weeks ago and then a switch flipped and I started questioning everything and have gone numb. I noticed immediately something was wrong and booked an appt with my therapist who sent me to an OCD therapist who I meet with on Wednesday for the first time. I’m frustrated because when I’m with him I know what I should be feeling and can acknowledge how great he is and how good looking he is but I feel this block in my chest keeping me from feeling things. Anyone have any advice or has ever felt this way? I know I’m new to this and haven’t started therapy yet but my god it is so draining and the guilt I feel is insane. Let me know please🙏

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w ago

ROCD

I just ended my 2 year relationship with an amazing guy because my intrusive thoughts wouldn’t stop. I started Prozac 9 days ago and the first few days, I felt great and all the original love I had for my partner came flushing back. The next few days I started becoming anxious and today I had to leave work because I could not stop ruminating. When I initially broke up with him I felt a split second of relief, but now I am having the same feelings that I was having before and I don’t know what to do.

Mariabae

Date posted: 14w ago

My story: feeling lost in my thoughts and numbness

Hi everyone, I’m struggling with what I believe is ROCD, but it feels so real and overwhelming that I don’t know what to trust anymore. I wanted to share my thoughts and experiences, hoping someone can relate and maybe help me feel a little less alone. Lately, I’ve been feeling completely disconnected and numb toward my boyfriend. I don’t know if I love him, and I’m constantly questioning my feelings. Sometimes when we’re together, I feel like I don’t want to talk to him, or I find him annoying, boring, or even cringe. Then, I feel immense guilt because he’s a loving and caring person who doesn’t deserve this. I have these intrusive thoughts that say: • “You don’t love him.” • “You’re just pretending.” • “You’re fed up with him.” • “You want someone else.” Sometimes, it doesn’t even come as a question like “What if?” — it comes as a statement, which makes it even scarier. And because I feel numb or indifferent when these thoughts come, it feels like they must be true. I’m also terrified that this isn’t ROCD, that maybe I’m not experiencing anxiety at all, and that these thoughts reflect how I truly feel. This fear is paralyzing and makes everything worse. I feel trapped, wondering if I’m just in denial and avoiding the truth. When I’m with him, I get caught in mental compulsions like: • Checking my feelings constantly to see if I feel love. • Comparing how I feel now to how I used to feel. • Seeking reassurance by thinking things like, “If I didn’t love him, would I feel this bad?” • Replaying memories to convince myself that I care about him. • Reading posts about ROCD to feel better, but the relief never lasts. I also feel like I’m ruining my relationship day by day. I get irritable and rude, and I know it hurts him, which makes me feel like a horrible person. I worry that I’m pushing him away and that one day he’ll give up on me, and it’ll be all my fault. Sometimes, I have moments where I feel happy to see him, and that confuses me even more. I recently saw him for a few minutes while I was out with my friends, and I felt joy seeing him. But when we’re together for longer, my mind gets flooded with doubts and fears again. I hate myself for feeling this way. I feel like I’m failing him, and failing myself. I’m scared that I’m in denial, that I don’t really love him, and that I’m forcing myself to be in this relationship. The numbness makes me feel like I don’t care, but deep down, I want to care. I want to love him, feel happy with him, and just be normal. But my thoughts keep telling me otherwise, and I feel trapped in this loop. If anyone has gone through something similar, or has any advice on how to manage these thoughts and compulsions, I’d be so grateful. I just want to know that I’m not alone, and that there’s a way through this. Thank you for reading. 💔

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