- Date posted
- 20w
- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 20w
Hey Itsybitsyspider, sorry that you're feeling this way and that things have been getting worse. The idea of falling out of love is gut wrenching. Being on medications is sometimes a journey, and along that journey it's a good idea to log some notes about how you're feeling to let your prescriber know. But it sounds like the OCD cycle can be at work here. I imagine the intrusive thoughts and feelings about not loving your bf is so discomforting that it makes sense to want to find an answer. If we just could feel that love again this could be put to rest, so it may seem totally understandable to search for that feeling when we’re with them, but that just becomes a compulsion. On top of that, the satisfaction might only last so long and lead us to more compulsions to check for feelings and answers again. ERP can give you some helpful tools to turn around moments like these, like offering you a different way to experience your time time spent together or not having to determine the status of your relationship based on intrusive thoughts or feelings, when you didn’t want to have them in the first place. Being preoccupied from obsessions and compulsions can really overshadow the time you spend, the memories you make, or even how you could feel if we weren't so consumed by the OCD cycle. Here’s a video that you might relate to if you haven’t seen it already https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jax9CeXRRIo. Our Care Team is ready to help if you have any questions or want a NOCD therapist to help you along your journey.
- Date posted
- 20w
Your account name seems familiar I think we’ve been going through the same thing for a while now..
- Date posted
- 19w
@Itsybitsyspider What have you been experiencing?
- Date posted
- 19w
@Itsybitsyspider I’m currently asking myself if I truly have ocd or if I’m just in denial that I fell out of love I’m a mess.
- Date posted
- 19w
@Itsybitsyspider I feel like I’m lying to him💔💔
- Date posted
- 19w
@Itsybitsyspider Thank you for the advice I’m so stuck between ocd or gut/intuition :(
- Date posted
- 20w
im not a doctor so take this with a grain of salt, your dose of lexapro could be too high. I had the same thing happen to me (i felt like a zombie of who i used to be) and it was because my dose was too high for me. Especially when starting out. i’ve noticed going up in increments to a larger dose over a period of time helped a lot. ive been on so many anti depressants and anxiety meds over the years and its just really experimenting with finding out what works the best.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
My doctors were always very clear with me - SSRIs are useful supports to help you while you treat the root cause with therapy. They always said I should come off them as soon as I felt I could. Speaking from just my experience with them (I took Zoloft) they did alter my personality. I dealt with my ROCD with ERP. I had a lot of panic attacks and rumination while I was getting through it but im really glad for it now. I would talk to your therapist and explore your options. Maybe your dose is too high, maybe you need to come off it completely. I can’t say that only you and your doctor can determine that. But I highly doubt you are just suddenly having different feelings for your partner based on your situation.
- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 20w
This does appear to require careful consideration as there could be multiple possibilities, I wonder if even feeling some low mood or feeling down is a component influencing your feelings and behaviors. Are you feeling a type of numbness in other areas of life as well...difficult feeling emotions related to things outside of your relationship? I would encourage speaking to your prescriber about feeling as though you have "lost identity and emotions" as the medication could be contributing and perhaps there are recommendations for change. Have you considered therapy at all? Therapy combined with appropriate medication is evidence based to be the most effective. Hang in there!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I don’t understand why I don’t feel happy, why my mind keeps making me think so negatively about him. Nothing makes me feel joy anymore. I keep thinking that he’s stupid, that I don’t like him, and when he speaks kindly to me, I feel nothing. The worst part is that I feel completely numb, like I have no emotions at all. And that makes me think that maybe I really don’t like him, that I will eventually reach a point where I realize my worst fear is true. I keep fighting with him because of my attitude. I treat him badly, and I know it’s because of my thoughts. I can’t see the good in anything. Today, he told me that I would be better off without him because I always seem so sad. He moved to my city for university just to be with me, and instead of making his life better, I feel like I’m making it worse. The thoughts don’t stop, even when I’m with him. I see people posting about how they feel calm when they’re with their partners, but I don’t. I can’t look at him without having intrusive thoughts, and I can’t even kiss him. Today, he told me that he doesn’t feel loved by me anymore, that I treat him poorly. I am constantly afraid because I feel nothing when he says things to me, because I don’t feel like I care. When I look at pictures of us from when I was in a better place, I feel like I was a completely different person. I start thinking that I’ve “matured” and that’s why I don’t feel anything anymore—like maybe I only liked him because I was young and naïve. Everything he does and says irritates me, but he loves me. What if I’m only with him because I don’t want to hurt him? What if I’m just used to him? I feel scared all the time. I don’t understand what’s happening. He keeps trying to apply logic, but it doesn’t work on me. So many times, he has tried to make me feel better, to tell me that I still care about him and that I don’t need to feel love all the time. But my heart breaks when I see how attached he is to me while I feel like I don’t feel the same way. I feel like I’m hurting him, and I don’t know how to get out of this dark place . He keeps trying to apply logic, but it doesn’t work on me. So many times, he has tried to make me feel better, to tell me that I still care about him and that I don’t need to feel love all the time. But my heart breaks when I see how attached he is to me while I feel like I don’t feel the same way. I feel like I’m hurting him, and I don’t know how to get out of this dark place
- Date posted
- 20w
Lately, I’ve been feeling so disconnected from my boyfriend, and I don’t understand why. When I look at him, it feels like I’m looking at a stranger, and my mind keeps telling me that I don’t like him, that I never really loved him, or that I was just attached and comfortable. It feels real, and that terrifies me. I know logically that ROCD makes me overanalyze every little feeling, but it doesn’t make this any easier. I keep waiting to feel something—love, excitement, even relief—but instead, I just feel numb and distant. When we talk, I feel weird. When he kisses me, I don’t feel much. I keep thinking, ‘If I really loved him, wouldn’t I feel something?’ And the fact that I don’t just fuels my anxiety even more. It scares me that I can’t remember how I felt before ROCD took over. I look at old pictures, and my brain tells me, ‘That wasn’t real, you were just excited to have a relationship.’ And because I can’t access those feelings right now, it makes me doubt everything even more. I also feel guilty because my boyfriend is so loving and patient, but I feel like I’m hurting him. He tells me he doesn’t feel loved by me anymore, and I hate that I can’t just snap out of this and be the way I was before. It’s exhausting. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I keep checking how I feel every second, and it just makes me feel worse. I know that’s a compulsion, but it’s so hard to stop. I keep searching for certainty, but no answer satisfies me. Even when I try to accept the uncertainty, my mind screams, ‘But what if you don’t love him? What if you’re just lying to yourself?’ I want to be present with him. I want to feel love naturally again. But I don’t know how to get there, and it’s terrifying.”
- Date posted
- 10w
Right now I feel like I’ve realized something awful. Like maybe… I never truly loved my boyfriend. Maybe in the beginning I was just excited to be in a relationship. Maybe I confused that excitement with real love. And when the intrusive thoughts started, maybe it wasn’t ROCD — maybe it was the truth hitting me. I write this and it feels real. That’s the scariest part. It feels calm and clear and like maybe I’ve just been lying to myself all along, holding on because I “should,” not because I truly want to. I can’t remember how it felt to love him — and that makes it worse. I feel so disconnected, so numb, like nothing makes sense anymore. Every time I try to feel something for him, it feels like I’m faking it. Like I’m playing a role, not being myself. But the thing is… I’m not at peace. If this was really the truth, why does it hurt so much? Why does this “realization” come with panic, guilt, emptiness, and so much fear? I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this — doubting myself, my feelings, and my past. I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle I can’t break, and I’m scared I’ll always feel this way. Has anyone ever felt like this before?
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