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Hey Itsybitsyspider, sorry that you're feeling this way and that things have been getting worse. The idea of falling out of love is gut wrenching. Being on medications is sometimes a journey, and along that journey it's a good idea to log some notes about how you're feeling to let your prescriber know. But it sounds like the OCD cycle can be at work here. I imagine the intrusive thoughts and feelings about not loving your bf is so discomforting that it makes sense to want to find an answer. If we just could feel that love again this could be put to rest, so it may seem totally understandable to search for that feeling when we’re with them, but that just becomes a compulsion. On top of that, the satisfaction might only last so long and lead us to more compulsions to check for feelings and answers again. ERP can give you some helpful tools to turn around moments like these, like offering you a different way to experience your time time spent together or not having to determine the status of your relationship based on intrusive thoughts or feelings, when you didn’t want to have them in the first place. Being preoccupied from obsessions and compulsions can really overshadow the time you spend, the memories you make, or even how you could feel if we weren't so consumed by the OCD cycle. Here’s a video that you might relate to if you haven’t seen it already https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jax9CeXRRIo. Our Care Team is ready to help if you have any questions or want a NOCD therapist to help you along your journey.

Your account name seems familiar I think we’ve been going through the same thing for a while now..

im not a doctor so take this with a grain of salt, your dose of lexapro could be too high. I had the same thing happen to me (i felt like a zombie of who i used to be) and it was because my dose was too high for me. Especially when starting out. i’ve noticed going up in increments to a larger dose over a period of time helped a lot. ive been on so many anti depressants and anxiety meds over the years and its just really experimenting with finding out what works the best.

My doctors were always very clear with me - SSRIs are useful supports to help you while you treat the root cause with therapy. They always said I should come off them as soon as I felt I could. Speaking from just my experience with them (I took Zoloft) they did alter my personality. I dealt with my ROCD with ERP. I had a lot of panic attacks and rumination while I was getting through it but im really glad for it now. I would talk to your therapist and explore your options. Maybe your dose is too high, maybe you need to come off it completely. I can’t say that only you and your doctor can determine that. But I highly doubt you are just suddenly having different feelings for your partner based on your situation.

This does appear to require careful consideration as there could be multiple possibilities, I wonder if even feeling some low mood or feeling down is a component influencing your feelings and behaviors. Are you feeling a type of numbness in other areas of life as well...difficult feeling emotions related to things outside of your relationship? I would encourage speaking to your prescriber about feeling as though you have "lost identity and emotions" as the medication could be contributing and perhaps there are recommendations for change. Have you considered therapy at all? Therapy combined with appropriate medication is evidence based to be the most effective. Hang in there!