A flare up - I cried 🥲

Today, I was telling my husband about an event from my past—an intrusive thought I had in my late teens that was sexual in nature. It was a casual conversation, but when he said, ‘Thanks for sharing, but I don’t want to know that,’ I started spiraling. My OCD immediately went, ‘What if he thinks I’m disgusting?’ Right away, I noticed the urge to confess and go into detail about the thought, just to prove it wasn’t bad. But in my mind, he already thought I was horrible. I had to sit there and cry, because if I gave in, the doubt would only linger. Now, I’m cleaning my bathroom, trying not to ruminate. Just putting this here to show that OCD recovery isn’t linear, I have been in remission for two years but today OCD decided to show up. I know I’ll be okay because I am using my tools, but today, I’m just going to cry and sit with the discomfort.

flyana

Date posted: 23d ago

I’m proud of your awareness of yourself here! That must’ve been a tough thing to hear, and I don’t blame you for feeling vulnerable. I know our loved ones mean well, but phrasing makes a big difference, and he could’ve probably used better phrasing. We don’t judge you here, and we know that the reason you sought to share is because you’re healing and growing. We’re all a little “disgusting” as humans, I’d say :) Sometimes, I think others don’t like hearing it not because they’re judging us, but because it makes them face their own demons/disgusting thoughts. Good luck and I hope you don’t ruminate on this too much!! You deserve peace! ✌️

AnonymityK

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 23d ago

@flyana Thank you so much for your kind comment. I feel very comfortable with my diagnosis—I have no shame in the fact that I have OCD because it’s just something I have, not who I am. I’m also very secure in knowing who I really am. I’m open and honest about my journey, but sometimes I forget that others might not be as comfortable with those very real topics of OCD. I know my husband doesn’t stigmatize OCD because he’s very supportive and has educated himself on the topic, but he still has boundaries, which I’m very aware of, but OCD just doesn’t care 🙃

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 23d ago

Hey girl, I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way :( I totally get it, it’s like this wave of anxiety, guilt, rejection, and loneliness all at once. At least that’s how it feels for me. I’m honestly so glad you resisted the urge to go into detail. I thought I was the only one who had that weird compulsion to explain everything, even though it only makes things worse lol. He definitely has his boundaries, and that’s understandable, but I think the way he phrased things might’ve played a part in how hard it hit you. I’m sure he didn’t mean any harm, but I felt the sting too just reading it. I’m really sorry that happened. You seem super understanding, but one thing that’s helped me is telling my boyfriend to be a little more gentle when he’s shutting me down. We both get sensitive to rejection, so it works for us. Maybe it could help for you two too? A big hug to you 🫂🩵

AnonymityK

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 23d ago

@issphra 🫶🏻 Thank you! 💕

DisneyIsMyTh...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 22d ago

For what it’s worth, I needed your post. It must be a tough day for “OCD Conquerors” because I was right there with you. It’s just been an awful day (it’s been a rough week emotionally, but I was handling everything well with almost no anxiety and able to use my tools and be okay with the chaos around me) but today I hit a tipping point and OCD was there to just take advantage and hit me from all angles. I’m so angry. (Im not normally an angry person) I feel the anger, anxiety, doubt, guilt all mixing in me and just attacking all the things I care about. It has me listening to OCD instead of reality and has me just lashing out. I know I’m going to snap out of it, but it’s making me ruminate, doubt my relationship is real, I’m catastrophizing that everything around me is falling apart, it has me going after my feelings about my kids.. it’s just a lot. Thank you and @flyana for sharing

AnonymityK

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 22d ago

@DisneyIsMyTherapy You got this! I’ve been here before… thank you for your support!

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