A really crappy year.

Sorry for the long post but I really need to vent. It’s really not a good period. It hasn’t been for a year now. There have been highs and lows, but the truth is I never addressed my problems, never tried to solve them but just pretended they weren’t there. I reached my lowest point this time last year, my OCD had never been worse, I was extremely burnt-out and couldn’t study anymore. And since then, I haven’t been able to study. Everytime I try I get a panic attack. OCD gets better then it gets worse. I probably have ADHD as well, and my parents probably still believe I’m making it all up. They tell me to “try harder” but I really, really can’t, and I’ve tried. And let’s add to all this all the people who have broken my heart, both exes and friends; and they just go on with their lives like they didn’t break me. I also had to quit my job (where they treated me like crap) and had to listen to them tell me that I’m an egoistic person and other awful things I will not say. Yeah, this last year has been the worst. I have come to the point where I can’t pretend anymore. I can’t pretend everything is fine. I’ve come to the point where I can’t leave the house without having panic attacks and fearing I’m going to die. This Monday I have my first appointment with a therapist. I’m a pessimist person usually but this time I feel hopeful. Maybe because I think it can’t get worse than this.