Scary existential thoughts

So today I’ve been crying all day. My existential OCD has flared up in the past week and it may or may not have been because of me trying to quit nicotine. Don’t get me wrong I had been having thoughts before that but it seemed to be at a calm for a few months. I also have been alone for the past week due to my mom going away on vacation. That may or may not have been a factor as well. But I’ve been feeling really depressed and scared. So much has been on my mind that it would be paragraphs and paragraphs so I’ll just leave it up to the people who have experienced existential OCD. I’ve noticed that I haven’t been giving much attention to my other subtypes in the sense of challenging them. I guess I felt that since I had the scary existential thoughts on hold that I didn’t have to work on the other stuff because I felt like those things were worth worrying about instead of worrying about my purpose or why am I me type of thoughts. I just write this to share and maybe get advice from anyone experiencing what I’ve been experiencing. I’m going to keep going though and keep trying to kick OCD’s ass. Because what’s the alternative? Lol. Hope whoever is reading this is enjoying the little things and giving themselves grace and having a good day. 😊🙏

Existential OCD

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 22w

I’m so sorry that you’ve been experiencing this. When my OCD flares up, like right before my period or during stress I tell myself- “well this is what OCD does, it doesn’t mean my thoughts need attention, I can handle the anxiety”. Just knowing it goes through periods of ups and downs helps me minimize the effects of the ups.

jro_04

Date posted: 22w

That’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve been trying to give myself grace. And breathing. And even though when I have the thoughts and feelings, I just do what I would do if I wasn’t having these thoughts and feelings. Because sometimes OCD tells me to do other things like if I have a thought is anyone around me real that will make me wanna isolate cause it scares me but I will force myself to go sit next to my mom or my sister and talk with them not so much about what I’m experiencing Maybe sometimes because I feel like that bothers OCd too because of the thoughts that I’ll have but I just pushed through and I appreciate you responding makes me feel I’m not alone sometimes because I don’t have anyone in my life that understands OCD other than my therapist lol so I try to educate my mom and my sister because sometimes my mom will wanna reassure me or tell me to not worry, which I can’t help it. But right now I’m just trying to kick this nicotine because it may or may not have affected the flareup. I I don’t wanna give a definitive answer because OCD will try to tell me otherwise and it has but I really do appreciate you responding. Makes me hopeful to keep going.

Anonymous

Date posted: 21w

@jro_04 I don’t have many people in my life who understand OCD either. I have tried similarly to explain it to certain loved ones in my life, yet no one besides my therapist truly gets it. I am here for you though! I deal with existential, death, and fear of going crazy obsessions. There are other themes that pop up, yet at the end of the day OCD is OCD no matter what disguise it has on. I stopped nicotine back in October due to getting my wisdom teeth removed. It has made me a lot less anxious. There is a cool necklace called a breathlace that’s worth looking into. Anyways, I hope you have a great night and keep accepting uncertainty. Even when it’s scary remember the more you accept it the less power it will have and the less scary it will be.

AnnFon

Date posted: 18w

Existential/Anxiety OCD

This is my first post, so I apologize if the formatting is weird. I experience existential ocd I always struggled as a kid but learned more and more how to manage with school and such forcing me to learn how, now I experience a lot of overwhelming intrusions from when I wake up to when I go to bed (simply because I live and work in the same place it gets cabin feverish) but now more often going out maybe it’s just paranoia, I walk into a place and each person comes with a story immediately, every piece of trash on the floor, every piece of produce, each isle is a brand new way I could get into a life altering situation. I’ve managed well enough but sometimes I just completely lose my original objective and just leave or I’ll wanna leave my house but everything that goes with it and that could happen pops up and I just won’t go. It’s started to become avoidant behavior. Any help or similar stories? I just feel like I’m going crazy but my thoughts are so scattered and immediate it’s hard to break the habit and not spin a story. Thank yall!

user23456789

Date posted: 13w

Existential OCD

Hey guys so I’m new here and just recently started struggling with some health ocd and thinking I had a brain tumor but it’s taken a turn for the worse and become this existential ocd where I’m questioning quite literally everything in my life, the purpose of being here and stuff. I just started meds yesterday, which is scary for me cause I’ve never been on them before. I keep having thoughts like, why does everything feel like a blur, what’s the meaning of this and I wake up every day with just existential dread. I’ve been having very vivid dreams that make dreaming and reality confusing I also am scared cause I’m dealing with some DP/DR as well. I just wish my life could go back to a few months ago before I knew all of this was possible. I guess I’m just writing this too get it off my chest and see if any of you all have gone through something similar and made it out okay?

nae nae

Date posted: 9w

Thought I'd been doing better

I am (or was)! Yesterday, I started to get really anxious for unknown reasons, and then (just my luck) I got triggered by something online 😭 It's always so... humbling. I'm trying to sit with the intrusive thoughts at this moment, but I'm just feeling really icky and a bit down. With OCD, it's bound to happen at some point, I guess. Even without OCD, you're going to have good and bad days. It's just how life is 🥲 I'm just afraid of being slingshot back to how I felt a few months ago, which I know realistically WON'T happen, but my brain doesn't want me to think logically lol. I'm also afraid that the repetitive nature of OCD intrusive thoughts will somehow alter who I am as a person, making my fears a reality? It's weird. Classic OCD, but it still makes me anxious! I have been doing better not engaging with these thoughts, but occasionally, I'll accidentally argue back. It doesn't help because then my brain says, "You're just in denial, and you're actually a bad person!" And whenever I say anything in opposition of something against my morals, it feels performative or fake for some reason 🫠 I'm just venting at this point, I'm sorry! Anyway, if anyone reads this, I hope you're doing okay, and if not, I hope things look up soon. Take care of yourselves, stay hydrated, and rest well!

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