the only path that leads me from here is suicide. because it's gonna only get worse from now. i keep thinking what could happen that is worse than this and in the future it eventually happens. and im terrified. i just thought abt a possible fear of a certain horrible thinking, and the more i fear the more it becomes possible and stronger. i already opened the doors to hell and it can't be closed by just not thinking abt it.
You will get over this mate. OCD is reversible. You can either put the work in or kill yourself but I know what I'd choose. I've gone from hopeless to recovery within 2 years. There have been the worst of times between now and then but I'm happy, active and enjoying myself now. I don't want to reassure you but this seemed more like a suicidal thought problem than an OCD one. If you are depressed, I used to be suicidally depressed really bad but I haven't suffered with that in 21 years now.
i was doing "ok" even though i was struck by very triggering episodes, from one event to an another, then a terrible unlucky event where my friends did the worst thing they could have done to me. a few hours ago i spiraled after seeing a few triggering reels from instagram. i calmed down. but i got very scared.
how did you go from hopeless to recovery? do you recommend therapy? i postponed it for 2 years and ive been dealing with this by myself since then. i was doing good for 1 year doing ERP by myself then one day I lost the grip and never had it again and i just kept falling and never recovered or reached again that point of normalcy that i felt years ago. And lately it has been one triggering event to an another, another in which out of anxiety i compulsively tested/checked for attraction in a made up scenario and felt like it was undeniable and too real to be false to the point that i actually contemplated on suicide in that moment. that's the event that has been holding me down since. i never recovered, only reassured myself. i feel in denial.
@Nameless000 I only had a few therapy sessions. I should have more because they were magic. I researched using authoritative,sources. I binged on OCD Stories podcast and read a book. I also engaged with OCD content creators and communities
@Newerthannewb82 thanks
You are not your thoughts!! You are a good person; do not harm yourself. You are letting your OCD win. Please trust me on this. I know you're depressed right now, but you will make it out of this.
Ive shared here many times that this year my health anxiety got really bad and it got to a point where i had really sad thoughts and i dont know what to do with them cause they are really deep/dark and i feel like it can be real, like in that situation i can feel the same thing. Im talking about the fear of having cancer, i had alot of stomach issues in these 2 months and i couldnt handle my emetophobia and because i heard from others thst the way i react now to this issue, i couldnt handle if i would have cancer and i would die because of stress, and this made me think cause i think its true... And this became and obsession lurking behind, and one night it gave me actual thoughts like i have cancer and im thinking that maybe i spend my last day with mx family, they are seeing me the last time and how sad will be for them when i die, these really dark things and it made me feel soo sad, like im in that situation and i felt that hopelessnes dark feeling that i might not wake up tomorrow and how it will affect others.. It's a horrible feeling.. and what made me spin more is that after this i thought that i would have the same thoughts if i would be dangerously ill and those feelings are scaring me and i dont know what to do about it... Im afraid i would feel the same thing and it scares me cause these are really dark and strong feelings, you cant just ignore it and move on... It really hard to navigate yourself through these dark thoughts, atleast i cant just move on...
I genuinely feel like this terror inside myself, like this is my last day till everything gets horrible… idk suddenly I have this anxiety this “fear of nothing” makes me feel like I’m not gonna make it, that I will never feel okay and that my life is over. I’m scared, I’m always scared
i think i gave up, every time i try to calm down, practice self-compassion or accept uncertainty something worse happens that seems to confirm my event. it feels too, too real even now, it's getting worse with each passing day. i'm really scared, it's hard for me to enjoy the few good moments i have with everyone because now i'm convinced that i'm a horrible person, i know everyone will hate me when they find out, i feel like i'm lying to them. i'll lose everything. i feel like my life is genuinely ending, i'll lose all the good things i worked hard for.
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