I feel completely unlovable. I have a difficult time getting close to people because of my OCD and I have to force myself to not compulsively seek reassurance. I feel like I’ll never find my person. I’m worried I’ll be an awful wife because of my inability to do anything. I want to show up for my partner, but I feel stuck because of my OCD. I think it’s safer to just be alone.
I think to start you have to practice self love and self compassion and learn to love yourself despite whatever your brain is telling you, and that’s really hard I’m still working on it, but you can do it! I think good way to start that is pretty easy is daily affirmations, pick 3 to 5 sentences you want to believe about yourself get a mirror and every day (I like in the morning while I’m getting ready or night before I go to bed) you get a mirror you look yourself in the face and you say them everyday for 30 days and then at the end of the 30 days you can keep the sentences for another 30 days or switch them out whatever you need. And your probably going to feel really stupid doing this at first, but push through that because eventually you won’t feel so stupid about it because your brain is going to actually believe the words coming out of your mouth. Second thing I do is a gratitude list at the end of every day even if I don’t feel very grateful and I have a bare minimum gratitude of I have an apartment to sleep in, this helps train your brain to start looking for the positives instead of the negatives automatically. I also really struggle with wanting to compulsively seek reassurance and those things have helped me a lot because it’s helped me internalize my value instead of looking for it externally. Also give yourself grace to be human and mess up sometimes, I know it’s difficult to believe especially with OCD but no one who loves you expects you to be perfect and at 100% all of the time
@#Lexiriri Thank you so much, it’s extremely hard for me to accept my flaws because my ocd takes them to the extreme. I appreciate the input I’ll try implementing this into my lifestyle
@Gato0z I understand OCD can make us hold ourselves to standards that will never be attainable by anyone, and then we kick ourselves when we can’t meet them. And it’s more difficult because people tell you to love yourself, but most never tell you how to start on the path to loving yourself so I hope that can be at least a little bit of help
When I began struggling with my OCD my partner was extremely frustrated because I’d constantly cry and seek reassurance. He wasn’t upset with me, just frustrated he couldn’t help. The biggest key to maintaining a partner with OCD is boundaries and communication. It’s good to be clear in what you need from them and then listen what they need from you as well as finding a compromise. For example if I am freaking out and need to talk about it to someone I will ask my partner if it’s okay for me to vent. If he says no then I typically will write it out in my notes app or somewhere else. It will be difficult at times. Sometimes you’ll feel so desperate for reassurance that your partner may be mad, sad, or concerned. Neither person is in the wrong, all humans have complex emotions that should be respected. Although if you do get in a relationship and find that the person you are with is angry at you just for panicking over OCD then it isn’t meant to be. I have made it clear to my partner that OCD is a terrifying disorder and while I am getting help and improving there will still be times that I break down.
@regretfulrain Thank you, I resonate a lot with this. I really struggle with communication so that’s something I need to work on
As someone who has never been in a relationship it’s hard for me to envision myself in one and know what it will feel like. I feel like being 21 I’ve protected myself a lot due to insecurity. I want a boyfriend and yet I don’t it’s just all really scary for me. I never had the stupid relationship to break the ice and now I’m putting so much pressure and emphasis on things and finding the RIGHT person. Also have hocd definitely doesn’t help. I’m working on myself and doing my best. But my current feelings are: I don’t like the way I look, I can’t imagine myself with someone, and I’m never going to find someone I click with and feel good with. Any advice??????
So I’m really struggling to believe that anyone will want to be in a relationship with me and still love me when they find out about my pocd and intrusive thoughts. I am holding a belief no one can love me with this condition and they will be repulsed by me when they find out. I just don’t know how to shake that feeling and be brave enough to try and share with anyone I’m dating.
At this point of my life I barely have compulsions, barely let them control me, but recently I have realised my OCD is still keeping itself alive by holding me back and making me avoid stuff since I cut compulsions. So I don’t do compulsions but I avoid. And when it comes to SO OCD, I avoid dating. I am in the age where it’s the most common thing to do, I have friends who are getting married and I still haven’t seriously dated my entire life. If I date I date to marry. But it’s making it even harder. My brain tells me I can’t date to marry or date at all because no man will accept the possibility that I am bisexual or the fact I might have intrusive thoughts over sexuality. Worse than that, what’s actually holding me back is the fact that in one of our dates I know I’ll have to bring this up. And what if the man will start to get stressed over it? What if it’ll be too much for him and he’ll leave? And worse-tell the people that know both me and him all the personal things I told him about me having SO OCD? I can’t do this.. I don’t want to do this to myself I don’t want to let go of this secret to any man who can just leave me because of it at any point.. that’s what’s holding me back from dating.. and I want to be brave, I want to just go for it, I want to let it go but am too afraid I am just selling myself and my darkest secrets out there for men who can cancel me at any moment. I gave up on dating… it’s all too complicated for me and I have this voice in the back of my head telling me maybe I wasn’t born for it. Maybe I wasn’t born to get married or be in a relationship, maybe I am not good enough for all of this.. and then OCD adds its own stuff.. maybe I am gay and dating would be lying to myself and the men I date.. too much responsibility..
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