I wake up and think: i wanna kill myself. Then i fall back asleep for 10 min and wakeup and i feel like i can conquer the world and i wanna live my life and im okay! Then i gotta walk to the train starion i get a wave of sadness and anxiety and i think idk what inwant anymore. I get to school and just think: what the fuck than i go home and feel glad i got trougch another day living in this stupid world and i start doubting everything and i cant wait to binge eat, ditch my family and watch my favourite show where i will get anxious over because i wont enjoy it the way i used to and all of a sudden i dont have a crush on all the guys i used to crush on in the show and the i get sad because im forcing myself to like the show the same way as i used to but i just cant and i get anxious and fall back asleep in tears. I wake up and the same cycle starts over.

I'm sorry you're going through this friend :(

I'm the same. I started to keep a journal, though, and it's helping me a lot to keep track of my thoughts. I never go in depth about my ocd, but I just write how I feel, my dreams, poems that I like, photos I have, etc. I try to romantize everything, writing scenarios and all. It's such a mood, it reminds me of a Lana Del Rey song. I really recommend doing this.

That was me when my hocd was very bad, constant instructive thoughts and anxiety, all day from the moment I woke up to the time I slept I couldn’t watch shows without thinking I have a crush on the girl and I would ask my self does that boy still look cute to you. I never had this app when I was in the worst stage but I had a support group online. The best thing to do is to try and start to do thinks that cause you anxiety. But slowly and the ones that don’t cause as much anxiety and hopefully it will get better but I would 100% recommend going to therapy I never went but I feel like I wish I did because even though I’m better I feel like there’s a chance it will come back because it always happens, I’ll go through a few years of being pretty much anxiety free and then it comes rushing back. Like a year before all this I had one instructive thoughts about a girl and then never again and then boom everyday for 3 months.

I am going to therapy a couple of years and it has definitely helped me. My major disorder is anxiety. Depersonalisation and hocd came as sideeffects. For me emotional focused therapy helped the most, cause I had so much trouble to process and even feel feelings that were going on inside of me when I had trigger situations. I can strongly recommend that for those who feel numb, depersonalized or overwhelmed by anxiety and stress to such degree that you almost not feel anything else.

Hey do you have Snapchat

Hey. I know how you feel. I have the same problems that I know how it felt doing sth before I had hoch and no while doing it, it feels so distanced and non personal. I get into a conflict between my memories + former feeling and now where I usually react anxious. And I start ruminating and it gets worse and I feel like I always trap myself and ruin my evening. The only thing that helps is crying and after crying I feel more integrated and can enjoy a movie to some stage until it slowly starts again with ruminating, getting anxious etc. 