- Username
- hocdgirlsummer
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I'm sorry you're going through this friend :(
Yeah it sucks. I wish to be myself and free again but for that to happen i have to forget this ever happens which seems Impossible
I'm the same. I started to keep a journal, though, and it's helping me a lot to keep track of my thoughts. I never go in depth about my ocd, but I just write how I feel, my dreams, poems that I like, photos I have, etc. I try to romantize everything, writing scenarios and all. It's such a mood, it reminds me of a Lana Del Rey song. I really recommend doing this.
That was me when my hocd was very bad, constant instructive thoughts and anxiety, all day from the moment I woke up to the time I slept I couldn’t watch shows without thinking I have a crush on the girl and I would ask my self does that boy still look cute to you. I never had this app when I was in the worst stage but I had a support group online. The best thing to do is to try and start to do thinks that cause you anxiety. But slowly and the ones that don’t cause as much anxiety and hopefully it will get better but I would 100% recommend going to therapy I never went but I feel like I wish I did because even though I’m better I feel like there’s a chance it will come back because it always happens, I’ll go through a few years of being pretty much anxiety free and then it comes rushing back. Like a year before all this I had one instructive thoughts about a girl and then never again and then boom everyday for 3 months.
I am going to therapy a couple of years and it has definitely helped me. My major disorder is anxiety. Depersonalisation and hocd came as sideeffects. For me emotional focused therapy helped the most, cause I had so much trouble to process and even feel feelings that were going on inside of me when I had trigger situations. I can strongly recommend that for those who feel numb, depersonalized or overwhelmed by anxiety and stress to such degree that you almost not feel anything else.
Hey do you have Snapchat
Hey. I know how you feel. I have the same problems that I know how it felt doing sth before I had hoch and no while doing it, it feels so distanced and non personal. I get into a conflict between my memories + former feeling and now where I usually react anxious. And I start ruminating and it gets worse and I feel like I always trap myself and ruin my evening. The only thing that helps is crying and after crying I feel more integrated and can enjoy a movie to some stage until it slowly starts again with ruminating, getting anxious etc.
How do people get out of bed early in the morning and do the shit they need to do and go out every day? When I don’t have morning classes I usually stay in bed until 1 and I’m still not in a state to do anything. I just don’t understand how I can see people on Snapchat at a party 10 hours ago then I wake up and they’re at a tailgate, like I can’t even bring myself to go to a single party (both because of anxiety and because I don’t enjoy it, I don’t drink), how does anyone even have the energy to do that? I get exhausted by going about everyday life mainly stuck in my dorm for most of the day. It’s so hard to find people to relate to and connect with when basically the only thing people do on campus is drink and go to clubs and parties, or someone doesn’t then usually they are someone who quite frankly I don’t want to associate myself with because they are just to weird for me (no offense to them, just not for me). Like yea I’m not normal but I’m somewhere in between, in a place where it feels like there really aren’t many others like me who enjoy the same things I do. Although recently I’ve been so caught up in my own head that it’s getting hard to even tell what are the things I enjoy.
Okay so this has been on my mjnd for a while but like, every instagram model or like celebrity is always like: i have been depressed or i am depressed and life will get better and everything. But than i see the next post and its like them looking all happy partying or its a post with the caption like: i bought a new dog im sooooo happy. While i cant get it over my heart to go to a party or buy a dog while im like this. I dont wsnt to experience all the good things i always dreamed of when im not myself because it hurts. I dont know if that makes sense but its like i want to be the old version of me before hocd the careless one and the free one and then do all the fun stuff otherwise i wont enjoy it fully. I want to enjoy things fully like i used to. So i just dont get how all these people claim to be depressed but still are happy? They are like its a rainy day omg im so happy or something and jm just like, How? How are u happy. U said u were depressed if u were wouldnt u not be posting. Wouldnt you be sad 24/7. Because thats how i experience depression. So why arent they? Im just wondering like im not a depression expert and i dont know what they are feeling but i just get so jalouse like how do they get to be happy even tho theyre depressed as they claim. What are they going trough??. People always say that if u have depression and anxiety go lay in bed grab a snack grab a blanket and just chill and let the feelinggs be there but i cant chill. My mind is always on the run. I cant do any of the old stuff i did without feeling pain because im not expierencing the same feelings thst i used to get while doing the stuff. This whole post is so messy i hope Someone understands what im talking about because like depression and hocd littetaly changed everything. Eating, sleeping, breathing everything feels different and i dont wsnt to do fun stuff when i feel like this because in the back of my mind i know that if i didnt had hocd and depression i would be genuinely happy and not even thinking about anything other than the situation thst is going on and id just be focused on having fun while not even noticing it.
I didn't even realize. I'm about to get my period and my anxiety is higher. I'm noticing how my friend hasn't written back to my texts or hasn't answered the last 3 times I called. I think he doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I wrote a text and asked if I did something wrong and he didn't respond. My other friend annoyed me. And I think my other friend doesn't like me that much. I feel abandoned and forgotten and like I must be a bad friend or bad person or why would they all forget me like this. What did I do? Did I take my opinions too far? I've been picking at my skin, having a feeling of unrest. I just watch Netflix and lie on my couch to avoid it. I look okay, but I haven't worked in a year purposefully to find a new way, but I haven't found it yet. I'm doing so much, but it always feels like too little. I tell myself again and again that I'm doing enough, but there's always a voice that says no you're lazy, you're unhealthy and you're just making excuses. I hyperfixate on stupid solutions like blood tests, supplements, genetic testing to explain my symptoms my depression (or is it laziness) my anxiety, my lack of energy, my aches and pains. I quit all drugs and alcohol even caffeine. I track my sleep. I want to feel good. And believe it or not I was thinking I did feel good? Until the afternoon. I don't know. I really hope this is just some fucking b vitamin deficiency and I'll take some pills and be reborn as a human and not a trash pile. Look at me all perfect. With all my career, and my money, and friends who don't like me. Don't I look put together. I'm so imperfect and so scared of anyone finding out. I'm so scared to tell anyone how messed up I am on the inside. I rant to my therapist, my coaches, whoever but I'm just going around in circles. Without support I'd be fucking nuts. Thankfully I pay people to support me. Because no one would for free. Fuck my.life.
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