- Username
- hocdgirlsummer
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I'm sorry you're going through this friend :(
Yeah it sucks. I wish to be myself and free again but for that to happen i have to forget this ever happens which seems Impossible
I'm the same. I started to keep a journal, though, and it's helping me a lot to keep track of my thoughts. I never go in depth about my ocd, but I just write how I feel, my dreams, poems that I like, photos I have, etc. I try to romantize everything, writing scenarios and all. It's such a mood, it reminds me of a Lana Del Rey song. I really recommend doing this.
That was me when my hocd was very bad, constant instructive thoughts and anxiety, all day from the moment I woke up to the time I slept I couldn’t watch shows without thinking I have a crush on the girl and I would ask my self does that boy still look cute to you. I never had this app when I was in the worst stage but I had a support group online. The best thing to do is to try and start to do thinks that cause you anxiety. But slowly and the ones that don’t cause as much anxiety and hopefully it will get better but I would 100% recommend going to therapy I never went but I feel like I wish I did because even though I’m better I feel like there’s a chance it will come back because it always happens, I’ll go through a few years of being pretty much anxiety free and then it comes rushing back. Like a year before all this I had one instructive thoughts about a girl and then never again and then boom everyday for 3 months.
I am going to therapy a couple of years and it has definitely helped me. My major disorder is anxiety. Depersonalisation and hocd came as sideeffects. For me emotional focused therapy helped the most, cause I had so much trouble to process and even feel feelings that were going on inside of me when I had trigger situations. I can strongly recommend that for those who feel numb, depersonalized or overwhelmed by anxiety and stress to such degree that you almost not feel anything else.
Hey do you have Snapchat
Hey. I know how you feel. I have the same problems that I know how it felt doing sth before I had hoch and no while doing it, it feels so distanced and non personal. I get into a conflict between my memories + former feeling and now where I usually react anxious. And I start ruminating and it gets worse and I feel like I always trap myself and ruin my evening. The only thing that helps is crying and after crying I feel more integrated and can enjoy a movie to some stage until it slowly starts again with ruminating, getting anxious etc.
*venting* I’m so tired of life. I just woke up, and I feel like going back to bed and sleep until this nightmare passes. This week has been one of the hardest of my life. I don’t think I can face another day of intrusive thoughts, fear, anxiety. I need some moments of relief, but there are none. I wanna have a life again. Anxiety and obsessive thoughts have killed my social life, my ambitions and desires, my happiness. I’ve been fighting for the past 6 months for nothing. I don’t see any improvement. I’m on day 3 of Lexapro and of course i can’t tell if it’s gonna work for me or not. I’m on the first stages of ERP therapy and I still haven’t got any assigned homework to work on, which I really need because I need to feel like I’m doing SOMETHING to help myself with ocd and Gad. I just hope someone could just take out whatever part of my brain isn’t working properly and replace it with a new piece. I don’t wanna feel like a burden to my family or boyfriend anymore. I can’t believe all the damage that I’m causing. I don’t know what to do with all this self hate. I don’t know where to turn to. I seem to have all the help that one could need - therapy, medication, support system. Yet I feel like I can’t spend another day living like this.
Okay so this has been on my mjnd for a while but like, every instagram model or like celebrity is always like: i have been depressed or i am depressed and life will get better and everything. But than i see the next post and its like them looking all happy partying or its a post with the caption like: i bought a new dog im sooooo happy. While i cant get it over my heart to go to a party or buy a dog while im like this. I dont wsnt to experience all the good things i always dreamed of when im not myself because it hurts. I dont know if that makes sense but its like i want to be the old version of me before hocd the careless one and the free one and then do all the fun stuff otherwise i wont enjoy it fully. I want to enjoy things fully like i used to. So i just dont get how all these people claim to be depressed but still are happy? They are like its a rainy day omg im so happy or something and jm just like, How? How are u happy. U said u were depressed if u were wouldnt u not be posting. Wouldnt you be sad 24/7. Because thats how i experience depression. So why arent they? Im just wondering like im not a depression expert and i dont know what they are feeling but i just get so jalouse like how do they get to be happy even tho theyre depressed as they claim. What are they going trough??. People always say that if u have depression and anxiety go lay in bed grab a snack grab a blanket and just chill and let the feelinggs be there but i cant chill. My mind is always on the run. I cant do any of the old stuff i did without feeling pain because im not expierencing the same feelings thst i used to get while doing the stuff. This whole post is so messy i hope Someone understands what im talking about because like depression and hocd littetaly changed everything. Eating, sleeping, breathing everything feels different and i dont wsnt to do fun stuff when i feel like this because in the back of my mind i know that if i didnt had hocd and depression i would be genuinely happy and not even thinking about anything other than the situation thst is going on and id just be focused on having fun while not even noticing it.
Its currently 5 pm, i just woke up. This has been my routine for the last 3 months. Im so embarrassed to go downstairs and face my family man but I just want to keep sleeping, its the only way I can cope with this shitty depression a little but as soon as im up it gets worse. Having ocd about something dosent mean that the thoughts could not be true right? I think thats whats happened to me, I think I have obsessive thoughts but at the same time Im in denial. I want my lïfe to just end man, Im fucking tired, im too confused and anxious to deal with this
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