Is it possible to talk to someone rn?

Hello! I know this is a bit sudden, but I'm kinda panicking rn. Earlier today, I was laying down in my bed, sorta like relaxing, I had an intrusive thought and it felt like I enjoyed it but I didn't push it out of my head. It felt like I kept it in my head until hours later when I thought more deeply about it and realized what had happened, I see people saying how in the moment, they felt like they liked it and then straight away they hated the feeling or felt guilty for liking it but it felt like I genuinely liked it in that moment. I mean, I only started to panic after a few hours when I realized what I had done, I'm really sorry about how confusing thie may sound but I'm really scared because it felt like I actually liked it

@Anonymous Hey don't worry, i lived the same experience, its just a thought, what you say to me say that you don't like it, a person that likes those thoughts I dont think that is gonna feel guilty and trying to find answers, you are not a bad person, i understand you, i lived the same and even I try to hurt me, I know how you feel, you are not a bad person, dont worry

@Anonymous Sorry if dont understand fine, my english is not the best

@DANIELFARG It's completely okay, I'm so sorry if I worried you, I've been trying not to cry because it took my hours to begin to worry about this. It actually felt like I liked it, it felt like I enjoyed it in the moment and I didn't feel anxious until hours later, I don't like this feeling, it felt real. I keep seeing everyone saying that their anxiety was right after they got that happy feeling and mine wasn't so I felt like crying

@Anonymous It's not your fault, we are all different, I'm telling you, seriously I was with this for so long that I even had an emotional block and feeling that I enjoyed something like that made me go crazy and want to hit myself, hurt myself, cry, I felt like that thought didn't affect me, hey you'll get over it, this is just a thought, just an emotion, believe me it will pass, nothing is forever, you don't want this in your life and if you want to cry do it, you'll get it out, if you're down, talk to someone please, someone who understands you, I know that OCD is very difficult, but it can be overcome, you are not a thought, you are not a feeling, like you said, it's intrusive, meaning it appears out of nowhere, it's not you, you are better than that

@DANIELFARG But it felt like I genuinely liked it, like it felt like a fantasy sort and why did I only panic after a few hours

@Anonymous Thats not you, i know that words dont change anything, But remember all the moments that those thoughts enter into your mind and what you feel and what you do to those thoughts, remember who you are

@DANIELFARG But I don't know who I am, this is the first time something like this has happened and I'm terrified

@Anonymous Hey if its the first time, don't worry, a bad thought dont define who are you, its just anxious that is make you feel like you liked it, But you are feeling guilty, that means that you dont like it, you are not bad

@DANIELFARG Is this what guilt feels like? I've been numb for so long, I can't tell, haha, I just didn't know what to do. Who panics after hours??? Especially when it felt like I enjoyed it, I even kept it in my head, I didn't push it out

That's okay, you're trying and I appreciate the company truthfully, I just wish I never did what I did earlier