I think I’m a horrible person someone help

I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety and uncertainty I think I’m really struggling right now. I was in my alone time (self pleasure) and obviously like whenever you’re doing your thing you might have fantasies or whatever and that’s what came into my mind in the moment and then all of a sudden I get a flashback from a scene from pretty little liars came into my mind where Emily kisses Ali on the neck. In pilot actor who played Allison was 12 years old, which the pilot was the first episode I believe but in the rest of the season of season one she was 13 and that flashback was in season one as well after the pilot and I’m really worried that I might have self pleasure to myself to that scene even though I knew all this time that she was 13 in that scene and I don’t feel comfortable because I’m 16 and even though like it’s not too much of an age gap it’s still polished me and I’m scared to death right now, but I didn’t panic immediately because I think I somewhat kinda knew in the moment that I probably didn’t do anything bad but I am not 100% sure and then the more I thought about it, I started to panic even more and now I’m panicking even more now and I feel like a really big pedo, and I keep searching and googling and trying to check for her age to see how old she was in that scene and I’m pretty sure she was 13 but I promise I wasn’t intentionally thinking oh yeah I’m gonna self pressure myself to this scene regardlessof her age. No, I’m just afraid I probably did without even like realizing or registering the thought in my mind, but then at the same time I kind of feel like maybe I was just coexisting with a thought and now I’m scared I’m really scared guys.

POCD

RadiantlyRed...

Date posted: 20w

I think that the fact you are so bothered and so worried shows you are not a horrible person. But that doesn’t mean you deserve to stay in this brutal cycle either. It happened but you just acknowledge it happened and move on. I know that’s a lot easier said than done, but it can be as simple as saying “I acknowledge that I had this thought, I acknowledge that it was unwanted. I’m moving on.” Speak it into existence, you know? But googling and ruminating over the details of everything will make it worse because you will overthink and spiral. It is like a spark that you are fanning into a flame. It’s just a spark, allow the spark to die out and whither away.

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 20w

@lghud I’m really trying girl, but it’s so hard for me like I’m so scared. I can never do anything anymore like I’m so tired. I’m fully convinced I’m an actual pedophile because I could’ve sworn for a second. I think I kind of felt certain that I maybe didn’t do anything wrong and then just the more I thought about it I started to panic even more like I keep thinking like what if I just really forgotten about the scene and I didn’t care or it didn’t register in my mind. I think it’s maybe because simply because of the fact that I probably didn’t stop and that’s what’s scaring me. :( and I just keep begging like I really hope that girl was at least like in her teens just in case if my OCD I don’t know my intrusive thoughts are right 😓

RadiantlyRed...

Date posted: 20w

@andrea_sam730 I get how scary it can be. There are so many times where something didn’t initially bother me and I thought I was making improvements OR a thought passed into my mind and I managed to not pay attention to it but then I would ask myself “wait. Why didn’t that bother me? That should’ve bothered me like it always has before. Am I a terrible person? Did I want this?” But the overthinking that I have after is my reminder that I’m not a bad person because I clearly am so worried about it. Eventually, I allow myself to recognize that I have made improvements and the overthinking that follows has become quieter. Some days are worse than others though, progress isn’t really linear.

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 20w

@lghud This exactly like I don’t think it really bothered me in the moment because I was able to think about other things after that that came so I’m assuming like when I try to go back and review I was doing fine but then eventually I did stop and I just started thinking about it likenow that’s where I started to feel the answer like this is so scary. I’m so tired of OCD I can’t take it anymore.

RadiantlyRed...

Date posted: 20w

@andrea_sam730 Exactly, because it’s an intrusive thought. OCD is very good at knowing how to pollute things we may enjoy. There are times where I’ve been able to not let it get to me because I’m so focused on the joy of being around friends, hanging out with my partner or family, etc, and then I go back to the thought later and stress about it in my own quiet time. When really the spark died so long ago and I restarted the fire because I felt like I deserved to be burned from it (if that makes sense). My partner also once told me “You try so desperately see a thick thorn bush but I only see a beautiful rose.” It was a good reminder that sometimes we really our own worst enemies and others see us in a completely different way. I know it’s difficult but you’ve survived 100% of your hard days and you will continue to survive while also learning the joy of living.

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 20w

@lghud Tyyy so much 💗😓

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 20w

I’m 16 GUYS IM A TEEN

Anonymousssssss

Date posted: 17w

Can someone please offer words of advice :(

Why are things so real the first time they’re in my mind and then when I think about it later it’s easier for me to be like wtf?? I was watching a movie earlier and the young girl had developed more in the chest area than the last movie and I felt the desire to check her out so I did. Then later I let myself imagine her having sex and I liked it. But now looking back I’m like ew. The boys in the movie have also developed as the movie went on and I couldn’t help but think that in their real life they’ve probably woken up to boners and s*men and stuff. And looking back it’s just ugh. Idk if it’s sexual relevance but I genuinely let myself indulge in these thoughts and groinal responses and I remember thinking to myself I don’t want to be attracted to little kids and how do I stop myself (everyone has attractive qualities so in younger boys I see man like qualities). Idk I need help. I wouldn’t type this out if I truly believe I was messed up but I’m still scared

Anonymousssssss

Date posted: 17w

Can somebody plz fking help me

Ive dealt with pocd for a very long time now and it gets more real as time goes on. I was watching a movie and I’ve read the books so I knew there was a kiss scene coming up.The actors and their characters are children but I was basically looking forward to the scene. Then as they were kissing, it looked kind of weird and mechanical because again the actor was technically still a child. And I let myself indulge and enjoy it, of how someone young was doing something sexual and adult like. Idk I feel like a fuckikg creep but I don’t WANT this. There was nothing intrusive about this, it’s just something creepy that I’ve done. I keep ruminating about it but still. I don’t identify myself by this mistake but it still sucks. My mind then went to children that I know, one girl and one boy, and them separately doing sexual things for the first time and navigating that and it feels like I like it but I don’t. It’s not as real as the movie scene because the fact I enjoyed the scene WAS real but it’s still stressing me out.

EndOCD!

Date posted: 14w

Just want a response

So one day a couple months ago I saw some posts on threads pop up on instagram and they said I’m 17 and horny and 18 and horny or I think I even remember see a 16 year old one. I’m 20 and I remembered that when those popped up I clicked on them and I don’t know if I did it out of true attraction or out of the urge to make my anxiety go away. I feel like often times if I see something that says any number under 18 even if it has nothing to do with age it could be talking about season 17 of a tv show my mind immediately goes what?? 17??? And then I click on it to make my anxiety go away. So when I remembered all of this I downloaded the threads app because I wanted to see if I could get reassurance and see if I could rekindle how I felt in these moments. When I opened the app all I saw was posts like that but everyone claimed to be 18. The only problem is none of the girls looked 18 they looked like 14-16 so I started to panic I and worry that because I clicked on the threads in the past it popped up more and I was a pedophile for that. All of the accounts all pretty much had only fans links so at that point I was like well they have to be 18 then but now I’m worried that maybe it’s a scammer and they are using underage pictures of girls and putting them on onlyfans. Which I know is out of my control but I just feel like a Pedo and like I did something wrong. Does anyone have any advice? Or have any similar situations/ similarities with this?

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