Starting to question if my partner has ROCD/ocd in general? He has trichotillomania and has done for years. He’s had a history of convincing himself in the past he had rabies from an animal, nearly made himself agoraphobic for six months as a result until he “had a stern word with himself” hes also has described to me of feeling like flinging himself off a balcony and lately complains of feeling jittery. My main reason for thinking this, is that we have only been together for a year and in that time he’s fake dumped me at least five times, which in turn flares up MY rocd because I’m terrified of being abandoned and need to check he still likes me etc His narcissistic ex is still around due to work and caused issues interfering initially which was the first time he said he “should” stop seeing me. We continued to see each other. Then went on a long weekend away together Then he said it wasn’t fair again Then went on ANOTHER long weekend away together Then he said he wasn’t interested and I had to leave and cut it off immediately after I tried to broach my std paranoia making me think he would leave me etc, said I was opening a can of worms and he doesn’t want it anymore. I left for the day and he admitted he didn’t want me to go and picked me up. Then he took me abroad Then he said it again the other night. We talked about his bitch ex and then he drunkenly brought up my past. Admitted he thinks that so many bad experiences I had before him I MUST have wanted it and at times he questioned if I’m for him and still does. Said it’s complicated and he nearly once walked out of my flat and never returned, except he didn’t do that. Then he took me to the cinema after we talked. Now he’s saying he feels empty and doesn’t know how he feels in general and it must be frustrating for me He’s never once actually left me, just essentially fucking dangled it as a possibility multiple times. Now we are meant to go for a long weekend away again and I’m shitting myself to be quite frank. Can’t look forward to it and don’t trust it won’t happen again. I feel doomed.

Thanks for your insight! I’ve been breaking my fucking heart for months waiting for it to end. He was nasty to me on our holiday about a horrible past experience before him I had (I won’t get into it but he made me feel like I’m dirty and worthless) and at times I’ve wanted to be like fucking fine I’m going then, but becjause I don’t want it to end I haven’t I don’t know what to do he’s not diagnosed and I know he would resist it. He doesn’t even like the word “anxiety”

@?uwotm8? I’ve been through a relationship that sounds kind of like yours where I was so upset all of the time because my boyfriend at the time sounds like how your boyfriend acts. I didnt want the relationship to end but I was constantly beaten down. Is there a reason that you’re sticking around with him even though it sounds like he treats you not very well?

@sorryitsemmy He doesn’t treat me badly I love him to death and I hate being away from him When I wasn’t obsessing over “what if I have an undetected std and he thinks I cheated and leaves me” and he’s not being like “go away come back” it’s an amazing relationship I don’t want anyone else

@?uwotm8? Okay, I understand. Im sorry for assuming that. I have felt very similar with the “go away come back” because I do that all of the time with my boyfriend. With my rocd I’ll act out and cause an issue and then immediately want him back. I really hope that you resolve this!

@sorryitsemmy What makes you feel like “go away come back”? I’m trying to understand him better because I’m literally the total opposite ! Mine is more “oh god please never leave me I love you more than anything I’d actually die for you” Sucks that mine makes me fear him leaving and his makes him threaten me with it

@?uwotm8? To be honest I’ve always felt the “go away come back” feeling- ive done it since I was little. Personally, rocd makes me questions every aspect about my relationship and makes me feel like im making a mistake and I dont actually think my boyfriend is attractive/ I like being around him. Its a common theme in rocd and it makes me feel incredibly distant when the intrusive thoughts come in, even though I love my boyfriend more than anything. Its gotten a lot lot lot better since ive been on medication for a month and have been to therapy (cbt and erp). I dont threaten my boyfriend with leaving him unless im going through something extreme. It seems to be at random times I get the “go away come back” feeling and it makes my whole body so exhausted and the feeling in my head is really shitty because its muddies my thoughts

@?uwotm8? This doesnt necessarily mean that your boyfriend thinks the same way that I do because ocd symptoms and compulsions are different for each person so dont be freaked out think your boyfriend doesnt think youre attractive or doesnt like you. I didnt actually think those thoughts as my own- they were intrusive and not real to me

@sorryitsemmy No no I know what you mean!! This seems very relatable to me actually, he only does the “go away come back” thing when we get into a heated arguement about how much I despise what his psycho ex did to him for ten years and he gets defensive because he can’t change the past. Then he uses mine against my and when I say I can’t change MY past either he uses it against me and somehow I’m the villain in both scenarios Then he regrets what he says but says it’s feeling complicated and doesn’t know if he can forget stuff from my own past (dodge sexual experiences I opened up about, he now thinks that they happened too much to be considered “not wanting them to happen”

@?uwotm8? Yeah I see how I can relate to this! My boyfriend didnt really have a girlfriend before me but whenever he talks about his past with a few girls I get incredibly discouraged and wonder why he’s with me and not them. I usually regret what I do right after I do it but the feeling that floods my body doesnt go away I just want to disappear kind of. With my rocd too I often dont justify when my boyfriend is angry and make a big deal when im angry... im kind of the girlfriend someone would dread having because of my issues but I mean I do have a real disorder im working on.