Ah I want my person back - F!undiagnosed rOCD !!!!

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 I have tried a bit ago, when we were having a argument that caused our falling out (that I started *sigh*) we both out of anger unfollowed each other on everything etc in that moment, I’ve tried to message but it’s not been delivered because of that. :( they just got diagnosed with serve ADHD at the time and I didn’t know I had OCD then, it was healthy in our own way, I’ve known them for almost 9 years, we both didn’t know we were struggling at the time though. I’m so wrecked knowing that they only remember me as who i was then, which isn’t me now at all- I didn’t know who I was and that came out in a really dismissive and chaotic yet distant way. We balanced each other out in all ways though, I’m trying to be kind to myself as I didn’t know any better but I wish it wasn’t at that relationships expense:(

@learningtorecover - Yes, do be kind to yourself <3

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 I try, I just miss them in my life, it feels like it was taken from me in a way, known for them for so long and cause my ocd peaked at that time it just ran through it :( it’s hard getting their confused or even hurt face out my mind, or them politely telling me I’m confusing or not present. They had their faults in the relationship too, it was both of us. But I miss them. I hope you’re having a good day though, thank you for replying

@learningtorecover - It will take time, but you will heal. And of course <3

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 I still have hope we may reconnect one day soon…I just don’t know how else to reach out. Thanks for replying again

@learningtorecover - Of course. You can always write a letter. Take however much time you need. My honey and I are both pretty emotional and had our first fight last night. 😅 I'm more extreme than he is though, but I held back quite a bit

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 …I did sent a bday card to him on his bday with a note about where I’m at with my life and how I’m sorry, I have no idea if he received it though, he still lives with his parent etc (cost of living) they might have not got it to him I dunno, that was in January. Any other suggestions :’(? Oh I’m sorry about your fight! Did you want to talk about it?

@learningtorecover - I posted about it. Does he live nearby? Are you blocked on everything?

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 I’ll go check that, we use to live 5 mins away from each other but since this fight, I’ve moved like 40 mins away, last time I messaged which was last year I was blocked via phone number, havnt texted to check since, anything else I’m just unfollowed. I’m pretty sure he blocked me straight after that fight cause it was over text (which I hate cause I’m someone who likes to talk face to face) but that’s it. It all happened straight after the fight. Which was monthssss ago, I was stubborn and angry for awhile after (my undiagnosed rOCD kept me staying in that feeling until I got diagnosed later and realised oh that was all ocd talking…..)

@learningtorecover - What if you left a letter for him instead of mailing it? I don't know if that's too hands-on though. Or ask if you can talk with him face-to-face.

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 Yeah I’m not to sure either, I was in a depersonalised/derealisation state probably the whole time I was with them, very trapped in my mind, I have no idea how I came across to them. Leaving a letter would be hard for me to get to their house…if they even live there anymore. I might send another msg to try and talk…dunno where tho, I might still be blocked on text. I just wish I could see them face to face, even physically I’ve changed a lot and I believe if they could see me it would help a lot. Practically everything in my life has changed since I last spoke to them, seeing each other would help, we both always feel so calm when we would be together (we’d basically take naps together lol)

@learningtorecover - Aaawwwwwwwww. I really hope it goes through <3

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 Me too :( I know I’m still young bla bla but whether they’re in my life platonically or romantically, I feel like they’re my person regardless, 9 years and my feelings havnt changed.

@learningtorecover - Aaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. <3 That's a good sign. You both got hurt, but maybe you just needed time to figure yourselves out.

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 I hope so 🤞 let’s hope I can reply back to this or something else saying they’re back in my life 🥹

@learningtorecover - I'll be praying for you <3

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 thank you 🥹 that means a lot

@learningtorecover - Of course!!

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 Sending prayers he will answer you

@Jesus Is King ☦️❤️ Thankyou 🥹 I’m not sure when I’ll send a message because I want to be emotionally prepared but that does mean a lot to me thankyou 🙏

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 I saw a photo of them holding hands with someone else….i think that’s my answer :( pretty sad about it but what can I do :( *sigh*

@learningtorecover - I'm so sorry you had to find out this way. Just keep taking care of yourself. <3

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 Now that’s it’s been a few days I’m kind of glad I found out that way, regardless what it is as it’s just a photo from whenever. They don’t know I saw and it’s better than them replying to a msg and that being the only contact I had with them so…it’s hard but at least I can continue doing me now without them even knowing I saw it….thankyou tho, missed you!!

@learningtorecover - I missed you too hun. You're going to grieve, but you are also going to heal. <3

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 I’m hoping I did most of the grieving in this last year and this is the last release, they say if you love something/one set them free, if they come back they were yours, if they don’t, they never were. Thank you xx

@learningtorecover - Of course, and I love that quote. <3