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@Michele32 Hi i could really use some help… need desperate advice..so i have been in my first ever relationship for now close to 6 months j have had a history with ocd and now rocd has come up strongly but recently i cant help but wonder that maybe we truly are just incompatible with the amount of fights everyday and also like these fights are based in actions and proof and not just my thoughts yes they can be exaggerated by ocd but they have a root to existence and now it feels more and more true like i think my bf doesnt prioritise me enough in the relationship and also that i saw a video the other day where a girl says her ex she dated said things like i just have 20 mins rn to give you and if not entirely sometimes i feel my bf has said that and also seems more selfish and like a husband material is caring and sensitive and excited for couple stuff my bf finds some of that cringe and hurts me and like idk if he is the level of sensitive i would like for him to be on my periods and i see other bfs just being so nice and understanding sometimes he doesnt plan stuff and or bring me stuff or even do special stuff put efforts and i have to say things for him to do otherwise he himself wont and like not be intimate as i would like sometimes and even while writing this i am not anxious and anyone reading this would think oh damn red flag true relationship issues nd should breakup and this is not ocd cause i think so too and if i know so feel so i should right? Its not ocd and only fear of being alone stops me from doing it? And also like we fight he says he will change and stuff and i give chances and again same thing if he try loved me he would and if he cant and i just keep seeing potential and hoping then i am doomed and settling and like i am saying ocd exaggerates it but it exists and if i am not convinced then better to breakup right cause if he cant change and i see and truly love is mot enough then what am i even doing? And like this is not rocd right? Pls help me what should i do? Anyone reading this would tell me its not rocd and even my therapist woukd ask me to breakup and if i know so and feel so and also gut says not it and these are not typical rocd thoughts those are more like i dont love him or what if i cheat these are based in problems so means if a man is making me anxious while already having ocd means not okay and i am not saying he doesnt do stuff but i am looking at all the above more and also i am not perfect but if they are based in reality and not ocd its true right? What should i do? Pls help

@Brave through First off, I want you to know that what you are feeling I have felt before. As much as I would love to calm down your nerves and tell you that “this is just ROCD” unfortunately I cannot. And yes this is the scary bit, but this does not mean everything is over and the world is about to end. For starters, you have many tendencies like others with OCD have had similar to over comparing and analyzing what he has said or you have said. Relationships are not easy and as you begin to get to the later stages it only come with more fights, but, with also a lot more communication, love, passion etc. For me the thing that helped me get through this time was telling myself “love is not a feeling it’s choice”. My ocd was using my feelings to try to gauge how much I love my partner, but of course I am emotionally unintelligent so often times I am unable to empathize with others or feel certain feelings when I want to, so I had a rough time when it felt like I was meant to break up with her. But for me to know “love is a choice” gave me motivation like no other. It gave me motivation to push though and when we would get into those small useless fights, talk about it till it is resolved, also when I start to think things I don’t want to, I let the thoughts come and go without judgement (not easy to do but easier with time). Anyways, I’m sorry you are going through this and I wish I could help more and give you the “perfect” answer you want. Like I mentioned in the comment under this post, the uncertainty is what will provide you peace. Stay strong you’ll get through this.

@Michele32 I am so grateful for this reply.. I am sorry this is so long but pls any little advice would work… just yesterday night we had a big fight where i was the one who was upset and he told me he would fix it the next morning but then he just ended up making the entire thing about himself today morning and spoke about how bad he felt and i was left again trying to pacify him when i was truly the one who was upset cause he got upset i said some things in anger now is this not toxic? Is this a healthy relationship and i am feeling this very intensely how everytime i am upset he will never change but if he is i have to and idk if this ocd or too much thinking or am i defending his toxic behaviour with ocd but how does everything become about what he wants and it happens all the time so he is selfish and says i am and doesnt do much for me and i am left begging and there is a sad power dynamic between us that he is using and this is not rocd right? and i am feeling lost like really lost pls help me…and like for the last one month we have just been fighting like i am scared when is the next fight its bad days more than good and isnt that fear and that entire situation just toxic and not healthy for any of us he holds resentment for me and now wants to be selfish with his mental health as i was in the beginning when he was trying and he just cant let go of my past when i had to let go of his and he says i was not prioritising him in the beginning and it hurts him and so when we fight all that comes back and he wants to be selfish but how is that fair and okay you can physically be intimate which also became a problem and also that he didnt want to have heavy conversations but its required for my mental health right how can he be okay and go out while i am crying and stuff and also like is this not being there for my needs or meeting them emotionally and also these are things that happened and out of his actions and we have had the same kind of fights multiple times and its not changed that means he and i are just incompatible-and its not rocd and he said maybe its an infected leg that we need to let go of and cant cause we are scared and used to but its not changing and its actually on the basis of actions and not just thoughts or emotions then its the wrong relationship right?

@Brave through Sorry for the late reply. Thanks for being open and sharing your thoughts it’s not easy to and I can imagine it causes lots of stress to write these out for strangers to read. I personally think that what you are going through is normal, and I’ve had similar experiences where everything seems like it’s make or break, and every time we would fight it was the last time. Only difference is I didn’t do anything about it. I stayed. I talked to her. Even if she didn’t want to I made us figure it out then and there. Wishing you peace.

@Doopydoowa I know these feelings to well, and I feel for everyone who still suffers, had suffered as I had. I think it’s important not to see anything as red flags at this moment because you don’t know if they are, maybe they are maybe they aren’t. But 100% communication is immensely important in your relationship and he has to know about the OCD in some way or another. If you have a therapist, which I recommend, workshop a way to tell him so he understands as opposed to hearing from you in an anxious state. I made that mistake and I’m so lucky my partner is as strong as she is, anyone else wouldn’t have understood, but when I told her what I was feeling she was heartbroken. Once we figured it was OCD we did our research and from there we have found a way to understand eachother. That’s what important working together. Remember this, it’s you and him against the problem not you against him. Sending lots of good wishes.

@Patrick McGrath Hi sir, i really need some help if possible..is this ocd what i am goinh through.. need desperate advice..so i have been in my first ever relationship for now close to 6 months j have had a history with ocd and now rocd has come up strongly but recently i cant help but wonder that maybe we truly are just incompatible with the amount of fights everyday and also like these fights are based in actions and proof and not just my thoughts yes they can be exaggerated by ocd but they have a root to existence and now it feels more and more true like i think my bf doesnt prioritise me enough in the relationship and also that i saw a video the other day where a girl says her ex she dated said things like i just have 20 mins rn to give you and if not entirely sometimes i feel my bf has said that and also seems more selfish and like a husband material is caring and sensitive and excited for couple stuff my bf finds some of that cringe and hurts me and like idk if he is the level of sensitive i would like for him to be on my periods and i see other bfs just being so nice and understanding sometimes he doesnt plan stuff and or bring me stuff or even do special stuff put efforts and i have to say things for him to do otherwise he himself wont and like not be intimate as i would like sometimes and even while writing this i am not anxious and anyone reading this would think oh damn red flag true relationship issues nd should breakup and this is not ocd cause i think so too and if i know so feel so i should right? Its not ocd and only fear of being alone stops me from doing it? And also like we fight he says he will change and stuff and i give chances and again same thing if he try loved me he would and if he cant and i just keep seeing potential and hoping then i am doomed and settling and like i am saying ocd exaggerates it but it exists and if i am not convinced then better to breakup right cause if he cant change and i see and truly love is mot enough then what am i even doing? And like this is not rocd right? Pls help me what should i do? Anyone reading this would tell me its not rocd and even my therapist woukd ask me to breakup and if i know so and feel so and also gut says not it and these are not typical rocd thoughts those are more like i dont love him or what if i cheat these are based in problems so means if a man is making me anxious while already having ocd means not okay and i am not saying he doesnt do stuff but i am looking at all the above more and also i am not perfect but if they are based in reality and not ocd its true right? What should i do? Pls help