Does anyone just have absurd thoughts, and have such a hard time accepting them? OCD is tricky and how can I just accept this is how it is . I’m so tired of fighting myself. I have such a hard time accepting these awful thoughts about killing my daughter.
Me too. A technique I use is thinking about real world vs thoughts/ocd world. The rules are that I'm allowed to have any thought 😜 I just remind myself about the action over thought principle, so I try to be good with my actions vs with what I'm thinking, because I can think horrible things, but I won't allow myself to do horrible things (even though I know I can), this means I can be free in my mind, let myself explore if I want to, without feeling bad afterwards. Sometimes I need to explore, because if I make my own brain, my own self, a hostile place, I will certainly and literally go insane. You also have to feel what you need, because for example, if you have a recurring thought that you already explored and you have accepted that it's a thought (and sort of "solved" it) but it keeps coming back, sometimes the best thing is to let it drift away. The reason some thoughts come back is because you felt so guilty about them when they first appeared, and because you are giving them too much attention. I just shake my head a little, or think about something else immediately, like a rock, literally when a thought pops up, think about a rock. What's its shape? If you try to crack it open, does it turn out to be a gem, or better yet a diamond, and what could you do with it, make a crown? for a princess? Princess of what, of what world? See how I just distracted you there? Start with a simple object, and explore that, and you can distract yourself, the thought will drift out of your mind. Us OCDers also tend to have great imagination, so it can also be fun. For the first two days, it will be hard to ignore the thought, but you're training your mind like a muscle, and from experience I tell you that the thought and guilt goes away, like it's insane, in just a few days (that true, do feel like an eternity) it just goes away, it's crazy. And what also helps are OCD forums like this app and articles, where you see that it's normal to have awful thoughts, and there are things you can relate to that can help you accept yourself (also talking w ChatGPT, you can stay logged out, is such a hack) You can do this my friend, find your inner strength, and plus, OCD has plus sides, it reminds us that we can definitely be evil, and that's why we try so hard to be good 🤍💎
so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.
so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.
How do you deal with so many bad things that OCD makes you think about? Because ever since my therapist said it might not be OCD, even though that she believe it is, I think a lot that if it isn't, So I created such bad thoughts in my head. And my god, what a horrible thing. I never wanted this. My parents don't deserve such a bad daughter.
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