I just started dating again after nearly a year of being single I downloaded tinder and I got two first dates with two different girls this weekend. I kind of impulsively booked one on Saturday and one on Sunday because I felt like unless I make plans, then They might lose interest I am very nervous. Especially considering I have a strong feeling at least one wants to hook up. Which I am for because i haven’t has sex in a long long time. So I have a lot of anxieties about it. One is a fear I will have a panic attack when I am on the date. The other is the pressure of talking or meeting with more than one person. I want to find someone I eventually could have relationship with. I have these obsessional paranoia about juggling more than one person at a time. Even worried about continuing to use tinder to find someone new. I know it is crazy. It is tinder. They probably talking to other guys too. And I haven’t even met these girls yet. I just have this insecurity about being honest about that. My relationship ocd has always trapped me in bad relationships for fears of rejection and also because of loneliness and insecurity. So I don’t have a history of making good judgments when it comes to picking people. I am mostly worried about how to come up with alibis to one or the other girl about my plans with the other person Worried text messages or stuff will happen that will lead to the other finding out. If not now, eventually if things go well with both The long and short of it is. I feel pressure to pick and settle for one girl before I even meet any of these girls and I have only been talking to either for a week on text message. I just feel a ton of pressure and I know I shouldn’t put all eggs In one basket. And work on being social. But I have a lot of anxiety. This weekend feels more like work than excitement. I don’t want to cancel. Too late for that. But I don’t know how to handle the pressures of juggling more than one interest. I feel pressure to give my undivided attention to each so I won’t be rejected Does anyone have any advice or strategies on navigating this?

Relationship OCD

rlr

Date posted: 5y

don’t feel pressure to pick right away and try not to be impulsive about it! once you go on the date I’m sure you’ll have a more clear idea of which girl you like better, if you even like either of them! and always always remember: do not do anything sexual if you do not want to! don’t force it! do what feels good and natural. I hope you have a great time on your dates, sounds so exciting!

drnemer

Date posted: 5y

Thank you. I feel like I have to pick one. Or I have to decide after which I will see again. But what. If I like both. What if I am still unsure. What if I am on a date with one and the other is texting me and wondering where I am and what I am doing and I can’t tell her so I will have to lie. I know it doesn’t matter it is first date But I am nervous about getting my story straight and stuff. What if they expect things to become serious right after we meet or something

rlr

Date posted: 5y

@drnemer it’s not like you’re in a committed relationship with either of them after one or two dates. just ride it out and see how it feels. you don’t have to make any big decisions now and I promise you once you go out with them you’ll have a way better idea of what you wanna do!

drnemer

Date posted: 5y

@rlr Ya. You are right. I know. I still think that at this point. I am going to skip the one tonight. I have come to terms with that. I just need to be able to distract myself during the day.

rlr

Date posted: 5y

@drnemer do whatever feels right for you but don’t let your anxiety and ocd make decisions for you! it is totally okay to go on two dates in one weekend and to feel confused about what you want to do next

drnemer

Date posted: 5y

@rlr Ya. I already did something rash and I need to forget. I ghosted the one for tonight. I just can’t handle it. I know it is bad. But the panic too much

drnemer

Date posted: 5y

@rlr I contacted the girl. Told her the issue. And apologized. Thank you for your help. I was not sure whether anyone would want to help me with this. It means a lot.

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