Can’t trust my bf’s word

My bf swears he doesn’t notice other women, and that even before dating me, he was never the kind of person to look at women. I, however, have difficulty trusting him. OCD makes this a thousand times worse. Now I don’t ever notice him staring at other women or anything, but I see him look around sometimes especially when someone passes by or someone new shows up while we’re in a restaurant or something. He insists this is him noticing movement and also checking surroundings for safety reasons, but how can I be sure he’s not secretly catching a glance bc his “controlling” gf won’t let him. He insists, swears on his life, that he has no eyes for other women, but if I’m being honest guys, I don’t trust him. No matter how often he proves himself, I don’t trust him. I am often checking his eyes in public. It was worse back then, we have worked through this and I’m doing better now, but I always regress to old habits and old fears. I feel this will be the rest of my life, where I will never be able to fully trust a man. That OCD will always hold me back.

Relationship OCD

kapryl

Date posted: 35w

He sounds like a decent guy. Perhaps it is not you that doesn’t trust him, it’s OCD that doesn’t trust him. Some things I say to OCD when it tells me I can’t trust my boyfriend: “I hear you OCD, and I am still choosing to trust my partner.” “I hear you OCD, and I am still choosing to respect my partner.” “I hear you OCD, and I am still choosing to believe my partner.” And to answer your question about how can you be sure he is not catching a glance because his controlling gf won’t let him? You can’t be sure! But you can choose to trust him when he says he isn’t. You can choose to believe him when he says that he isn’t. You can choose to respect his word. OCD wants certainty, and the only way it can be certain is if you are in control. In order to trust, you have to let go of control a little bit. It’s hard, but you can do it. The more you practice, the easier it gets! You can do it! Much love

Gettingthere

Date posted: 35w

When there is true trust, that doesn’t mean your partner will never notice other people. I’ve been married nearly 11 years. I’ve found other men attractive, my husband has found other women attractive. It’s an inevitable part of life that we will notice that other people around us are physically attractive (maybe even more than our partner is.) But that’s not what our marriage is built on. Do I think he married me because I’m the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen? Cause chances are, I’m not. He loves me because of who I am as and the bond we have, the children we raised, the values we share. I love him for those same reasons. Beauty and physical attraction can fade but that bond is what holds people together. So what’s true about your relationship? Is he loyal? Is he kind, is he committed? If you have no reason to believe he’s not those things then at some point you just have to choose to trust. Cause every tiny act of distrust slowly erodes that bond. Tell him your struggle, be honest about it so you’re not walking through it alone. But ultimately you have to make that decision to trust.

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