ROCD and settling

I feel guilty writing this but I was wondering does anyone’s ROCD make them feel like they’re settling? I feel ill when my thoughts start running about that and I always seek reassurance to make sure I still love my partner. It’s so stressful especially when I acknowledge other people are good looking my brain jumps to the idea that I want to be with them which drives me insane sometimes. I even had to avoid a coworker at my old job because my OCD convinced me that I was in love with him even though we were both in active relationships and only at platonic discussions. I always had to review to make sure I said nothing wrong and I feel like I am doing the same with a friend currently. I’m not sure what to do…

Relationship OCD

GabbyP

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 32w

me too girl me too 😭

jaxcoom

Date posted: 32w

yes!! this triggers a lot when me & my boyfriend fight a lot. i get this false like memory in my head that he’s done me super wrong & the. i get so many intrusive thoughts to break up w/ him or cheat on him even though it’s something minor

vincenzokeez

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 32w

Attraction is attraction you’ll never stop seeing people and possibly desiring others. Love isn’t you have a boyfriend and that’s that. Plus in a way you are settling because you are choosing your boyfriend

Brave through

Date posted: 32w

@vincenzokeez Hey you seem to have great advice.. Pls help me with some advice plss…Idk if this is ocd or not but my boyfriend said something yesterday which is making me rethink our entire relationship and so in his previous relationship where he dated this girl for 2 and a half years they had broken up in the middle for like a week before getting back together and the weird part is my bf wanted to get back because he loved their bond but in that one week he slept 3 times with this person from their office i consider this to be cheating even he does and no way was he not looking at her during his relationship cause how can it just happen so easily when they broke-up and he said he went back to his gf at that time cause he realised how he didn’t want it but thats selfish and mean cause he had to sleep with someone 3 times to realise that thats an excuse to just sleep and explore right? And for context my bf is big on sex and has a high body count so now my issues are if this is done to me then what? And what about this being the biggest red flag in him? And he told me if we broke up he would be okay with sleeping with someone else or being open to other people in what like a few day of breaking up thats just disrespectful and this is a cheater right? So how can i be with a cheater? And i honestly dont know if i can be with him and or love him anymore and i feel this isnt ocd and it would be unfair to me to say its ocd just cause i am scared to breakup and dont wanna accept that he is a guy who is a red flag but like i know this and i am calm about it and aware about it which means i shouldnt be with him and this is an actual problem with issues and big issues and not just rocd right? And writing here maybe just could be suggestion and it is true that it is cause not reassurance as i am genuinely asking for advice…i dont have trust as such anymore and i feel weird to be with someone who i cant trust should i be with this person and i mean he treats me okay and i didnt have as such any trust issues until he mentioned this yesterday.. pls help me what should i do? Idk if i should stay or leave…

vincenzokeez

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 32w

In my honest opinion, it would be a deal breaker for me and what has been said would make want to hold onto him even more but that would be insecurity. It’s your choice in the end of the day. But in relationships commitment is a choice and even when we do see someone we wish to have sexual relations with it is always down to saying no and being committed. There is no right or wrong unfortunately apart from choosing to love someone. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship where you are happy 24/7. And it is always a job to make sure you keep yourself in check. Just cause you meet someone does not mean you stop liking people or want to have sexual relations with them. That’s human. It’s choice to stick with your partner even when you do want to have sex with other people.

Sillygoose27

Date posted: 21w

Intrusive thoughts about others

I am in a relationship but I cannot stop getting thoughts about this new coworker I met, my mind convinces me they are so attractive and so great and I hate it so much. My current relationship has its imperfections (as every one does) but I am so happy with her and have always been so loyal. Would OCD target those imperfections and exploit this situation? Additionally I believe I’m feeling ROCD fears of cheating but I know in every opportunity I’ve talked with other women I am loyal to my partner by bringing her up. Does anyone experience the same thing? Is this really OCD or other subconscious intrusive thinking?

Whatabtme

Date posted: 20w

Rocd triggered, ran into guy I have history with

Ocd sucks. I’m at a stay away multiple days long event for school rn and ran into someone I used to talk with. We had a will they won’t they kind of thing for years and knew each other all growing up. I knew when we were really young that he had a crush on me for a while. And then when we got older there were times I had a crush on him but I don’t think he liked me anymore at that point. I never fully knew where he stood because he often was in a relationship or living somewhere else. Because we never dated or kissed or anything, only hung out on ambiguous date-like occasions, there has always been that what if sitting there for me and I hadn’t seen or spoken to him since before I met my current partner years ago. Well they happen to be at this place I’m staying at, where we are in the same places everyday, and I ran into them, said hi and caught up for a bit. It has totally triggered my ROCD in a way I’ve never experienced. I feel guilt and shame and keep having intrusive thoughts that are so extreme and catastrophic like what if I leave my partner of 8 years for him, what if I find him more attractive than my partner, what if I cross a line while I’m interacting with him this week, what if I’m a terrible girlfriend to my partner and a fraud??

Relationship OCD

Mk3

Date posted: 18w

ROCD

I’m in a really low place with my ROCD. I feel like I have feelings for someone else & like someone else because of the feelings I have around/about/for this other person I guess. I’m only around this other person when in group settings with friends. I dont want this. I feel nauseous, guilty, all the things as I love my partner so much. I know I struggle with ROCD terribly and I need advice from someone who’s been in my shoes. Is this common in ROCD? Idek

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ROCD and settling

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