Length of episode - highly distressed please help

Hi, last year I had a trigger with my little cousin that made me spiral. Then that thought lead to another and lead to another thought and another one and so on and I've been feeling stuck (with ups and downs) over a year now. I hit rock bottom in July/August and that lead me to going to the psychiatrist. I am taking meds now, but I still feel bad. It doesn't take as much time of my life anymore but it is constantly back there in my mind. It's the feeling that I'm ignoring and undoubtable truth that soonest or later will come out, or that rejecting, or that I'm resisting. That's why it's been impossible for me to do ERP, because I think it's going to make me want to touch myself and if I do I'll feel bad. And then it feels like I like the thoughts, not only physically (groinals) but mentally??? It's like a brain fog that I can't tag between pleasure or confusion. And that thought leads me to thinking about the alleged "non-offending" ps and if that could be me. And that thought leads me to think OH MY GOD I can't BELIEVE I am a girl in my twenties obsessing over this I can't believe this is my life.

POCD

thesunwillco...

Date posted: 17w

girl we’re the same person lol are we able to chat??

mauricethewo...

Date posted: 17w

I’m dealing with the exact same thing. It all feels like anxiety but I often can’t make heads or tails of the feelings and the brain fog like you described. I’m very scared of the future and the possibility of having to deal with this forever.

No matric ce...

Date posted: 17w

I'm sorry you are going through this, however the answer to your question about pocd fear is very simple and the core of ocd treatment are you willing to live in a world that your fear may come true or happen?

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 17w

It sounds incredibly distressing to be stuck in this cycle of thoughts and feelings for over a year, especially when dealing with confusing physical responses alongside the mental anguish. It takes courage to seek help, and it's understandable that starting ERP feels scary when you fear it might worsen things. Working with an ERP specialist can provide not only guidance in facing these fears but also valuable education to help you understand these experiences better. If you’d like additional support, feel free to book a free call with our NOCD team. We’d be happy to share more information and explore ways to help. No one has to live in fear of their own thoughts. Also here are some helpful resources: https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/common-fears/i-watched-incest-porn-is-there-something-wrong-with-me-what-therapists-say https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/why-ocd-may-cause-you-to-distrust-yourself/

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 17w

@Annoying_OCD Nocd can definitely help! Take a look at those articles I sent as well 😊we cannot provide clinical services in this forum but we encourage you to look into joining our program!

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 17w

@Annoying_OCD Hello, that would be considered reassurance and I cannot provide that on here. Again please look into potentially getting signed up for services!

Anonymous

Date posted: 17w

You’re not alone. Know that. But I think that idea of wondering whether or not you are the non offending is just further part of the OCD. I know how tough this.

AnonymousOne...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 23w

I don't know what's happening...

I feel like the thoughts are telling me, "You want this, you want to be attracted to kids" when I know that's not the case. I've been stuck ruminating for the past couple of days and I'm so worried about this disorder convincing me that I'm something I've never been. I try not to fight it, but when I don't it feels like I'm giving into it like it's true. The meds I'm on keep me from being super depressed, but it's still there. I feel like I'm going to act on my thoughts one day and it worries me. I don't feel like myself anymore and I don't know if this is progress or a relapse. Even when having intercourse with my partner, I had to thought block because the thoughts were images while in the middle of it. Then afterwards, they came flooding in saying that I was doing it as a distraction. I don't know what else to do. I try to pinpoint all of my triggers, but sometimes I don't think I even have any. I feel like a monster. I'm honestly scared.

Lulu~

Date posted: 16w

False memories + real events (TW: POCD)

Hello 😭, so uhm I’m kind of in the point of my POCD where I’m just tired. I just need to get it all out and get some sort of instruction of how to just idk live? So for me my childhood is pretty blurry. I have a few real event blended with false memory events there but other than that I’m a csa victim. And the way I tried to cope? By fetishising nyself, making CP of myself, seeing my life goal as being used, raped and a prostitue. Self destructive behaviour through talking to pedophiles and seeing my only worth as if I was sexually attractive. Which made me kind of numb to CP as a coping mechanism I guess. And heres’s where my main event of REOCD/false memory ocd comes in. I have a few events in my life when I’ve accidentally stumbled across CP ish mangas or just plan abuse and not had a big reaction. Some of them I even liked the story. And my ocd LOVES playing with it, making me truly believe I enjoy and get of from CP. I’ve also had quite a few dreams. A few days ago I had a dream about me getting triggered by something I did in the dream. Which I now can’t figure out if it actually was a dream. But also moments overall where I’ve unintentionally touched my private part while my siblings are in the room or when I found a guy 2 years younger than me pretty in 4th grade. Or a few of my only friends who turned out to be younger than me, and I had talked about sexual things (like fan fictions, my trauma ect) with them. AHSHB I absolutely hate ruminating and I’m tired so so so so so so tried 😭 idk help me? Please TT

POCD

Anonimus ME 🦋

Date posted: 12w

like I'm suffocating...

these days I feel particularly bad. I can't let the thoughts and those scenes be there without going deeper into it. Everything about my sister has become a trigger for me, and I have the impression that she "turns me on" and creates a big panic. I feel like I can't breathe because I don't know how to let it all go and I don't attach importance... 5 months of ERP and now this, I can't do it, I don't know it...and I don't know what else to do...

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Length of episode - highly distressed please help

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