Could this be OCD or is this a valid reason to want to cut things off. I like a Muslim man, but I’m not. He lives in Europe and I live in the US, and I feel like this has created a huge rift for me. I’ve started to give up on the idea of pursuing this because I don’t want to get married early and I don’t want to waste his time on someone that doesn’t have his beliefs. What is the best course of action?
Personally, I wouldn't do it. Marriages are much more likely to succeed when you have the same views on religion, kids, money, and in-laws. The fact that you don't want to get married early, which I would assume based on how your talking may be expected and you have different beliefs, why even start something? To me it doesn't make sense to start something, but this is just my opinion. Life is not a fairytale. We have to do our best to find the best options for us. I guess the other thing is, how serious are you about your beliefs. And how serious is he? Are either one of you willing to give. If not, I'd walk away. There are lots of good people on the world. I have been married for 10 years. I'm thankful I have similar values to my spouse. We don't agree on everything, but the big stuff, we do.
@Anonymous Thank you for your insight. I think long term there won’t be a successful outcome if our paths in life are so far different. And there’s no point in dragging this on, the difficult part is just communicating this to him. I’m scared because he struggles with the feeling of being unlovable and I don’t want to reassure this by leaving this connection. What do you think is the best course of action?
@Anonymous Also congratulations!
First, you are very wise. I compliment you for considering all this. Too many jump on too quickly because of love, the feeling of love, only to have long term regret. This is something that should be discussed openly and honestly with him. How much does he value a partner with shared faith, etc. Plus your values in that as well. You are an impressive you lady and I can imagine how difficult this is. We'll be here to support you through this, OCD can make everything a rollercoaster ride. :-)
@Someone99 Thank you so much. I really needed to hear this. I think there’s a fine line between love and respect. And I need to find a balance of both
I can really understand the confusion you’re in—because this isn’t just about a religious difference. It’s that inner conflict between your heart and your mind… between respecting the life you want to build and the fear of wasting someone’s time—or your own. Could it be OCD? Maybe. OCD loves to latch onto the most layered parts of our lives—where our good intentions live—and turn them into courtroom drama. But also, there are real things here: religious difference, distance, timing. The line between real fear and OCD fear isn’t always clear. But there’s one thing I’ve noticed: Does it feel like you’re racing the clock? Like you have to “decide now,” or make sure you “don’t hurt him,” even if you’re not sure what you want yet? If yes, that might be OCD wearing the mask of over-responsibility. Love, no matter how deep, can’t hold the weight of silence or perfectionism. If you can’t talk about your fears without feeling like you’re breaking something sacred, then you’ll both end up hurting in silence trying not to. The first step isn’t “do I stay or do I leave”—the first step is: Can I talk to him about this? Can he hear me without jumping to conclusions? If yes, then you’re building something, even if you haven’t named it yet. If not, then even the decision itself might stay blurry. And even if it ends, that doesn’t mean you failed or that your love wasn’t real. Sometimes we love people who teach us something about ourselves—our limits, our needs—and that’s their role. You’re not lost. Maybe you’ve just been trying too hard to be the “right person” in a story that was never about right decisions—but about honest feelings.
@Rayanswaid Wow this was really profound, thank you for this fresh approach. This was great advice, yes. I’ve decided it’s best to communicate this to him instead of leaving room for misinterpretation.
I’m genuinely not an expert on this nor do I have so much of knowledge on ocd and how to differentiate the two :’) but I understand 🫂 I think communication is the best course of action🫶🏽 you like him and I hope things are going good between you guys 🤍 but if you feel like you don’t want to get married early and so, it all can be sorted out through communication step by step and little by little. In my family tree, we have members and ancestors who married others outside of our religion and other races, some converted and some didn’t but stayed married to the other person and things were okay! ( you don’t have to feel pressured to convert or share the same beliefs as him or anything like that🫂 ) I don’t know how he feels for you but I believe that if two love each other, they’ll find a way to make it work or respect each others beliefs without forcing the other person or so❤️🩹 don’t let your fears and anxiety ruin a good potential thing. I hope this helps and I’m sorry if it might not, I tried🫂
@rainbows That’s okay! I appreciate your point of view. I understand this now, communication is something I’m actively working on right now. I kinda of shut down when the conversation becomes heavy and I immediately have the urge to make the conversation more lighthearted instead of sitting in discomfort. But I think on the surface things look good but I think there’s still an underlying issue that neither of us has addressed. I don’t think love is enough to keep a connection going, I think values need to be aligned as well. Also thank you for giving me hope! I think that’s something that’s very important that I always seem to loose.
@Gato0z I understand what you mean and you’re right🫂 love isn’t enough to keep a connection going and there are more factors that come into play but honestly, whatever it is, I wish you all the best and I hope you guys work out💟 and it’s okay to shut down when the conversation becomes heavy. It’s good that you’ve noticed it and you’re taking action towards it🫶🏽 but I hope you know it’s okay to want to keep things lighthearted and not serious, it’s actually a very admirable trait! I’m glad that this has given you hope💟 I hope all the best and that you’ll be okay🫂
hi. so one big factor of my OCD is rumination. i met a guy who i have a crush on the idea of (idea bc there are red flags). my biggest fear is not finding true love, my ex told me no one else would deal with what i have (my ocd, specifically reassurance seeking and getting overstimulated after intimacy). a few weeks ago, my friends and family all gathered and tried to give me advice that sounded like “you’re shy and you’ll never find someone.” after that, i’ve felt off. i’ve been using an unhealthy coping skill, daydreaming, and i’ve just felt unbalanced. my ocd makes everything feel different sometimes, i can’t explain it. life, myself, almost like being in a dissociated state. has anyone else experienced that? i don’t know how to remain balanced during my off times and i know pms exasperates it all. i take ashwaghanda and omega 3s in a multi vitamin daily. i take them all together in the evening but i’ve missed three days recently and also messed with my rocky sleep schedule because of fun times with friends. i hope these supplements work, because i don’t know if i’d be brave enough for medication. i had a bad reaction on prozac and often am forgetful. i just have been battling my OCD consciously for almost ten years now and unconsciously for longer. i am so tired, as my mental health extends beyond my OCD. i’m in talk therapy with some cbt aspects but i only see her twice a month. i’ve broken down so many times and promised myself id get on track or that certain things would work, but it’s like i am stuck in a circle that gets smaller when i’m able to help myself. i just want to be normal. i want to be able to mess up my sleep schedule to enjoy good times and not suffer horrible consequences or fear that i will be entirely thrown off balance. i don’t want to worry or doubt or feel so dissociative that i squint my eyes for a moment and wonder why i feel so unreal. i will never understand why god has allowed me to go through this. i cannot let it be for nothing but i don’t know how much more to bend and contort my body and brain to get somewhere stable but how lovely it would be if i could. i don’t have much of a schedule right now, i get apathetic and give in with things from time to time. one thing can trigger me and i am back to square one wether in a week or month. any advice, any and all is so helpful. your stories, your thoughts. maybe feeling less alone and knowing what has helped you is exactly what i need right now. thank you 💗
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?
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