It was all your POCD they say, but now I'm like is it just a cover up. The feelings were SO REAL feeling in the moment. I feel like the friends who have told me it's OCD isn't even true anymore. It felt so real but I asked my child to move so it didn't happen again. I was scared. Thought I was going to be taken away. I've been ruminating for a month now. I've been feeling sick like I don't deserve to be her mom. Ugh I hate this.
OCD gets strength from your suffering, please know that you’re not a PDF!! PDFs actually give into their feelings and it’s very clear that you are sickened and have no desire to ever do so!
@NeeweeKeewee But I did give into my feelings friend. That's why I'm so scared. Can I send you what happened
@NeeweeKeewee My child was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt them that I might as well do something else because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it and causing another feeling (I literally had to question what to do during this and the only thing I could come up with was to move my elbow towards her groin area. It felt like really wanted to do this in the moment my mind was like "here's your chance") but it came across my mind to elbow my child, and I elbowed their crotch or side area. Which caused another unwanted groinal sensation. Then I asked my child to move. I went back to sleep thinking "what have I done" I woke up and began PANICKING asking my mom what was wrong with me. Then I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be theirs anymore. Idk what overcame me, and in the moment, it felt like I wanted to move my elbow, but I know that can also be my OCD speaking. Right? I clearly regret it all and hate myself. I would never intentionally hurt my child; I don't know what happened in my head when this happened. I was doing SO well! Is this my POCD that I've been diagnosed with by my OCD specialized therapist? Just a struggling mom who used to be the best of the best. I'm very depressed by this. Idk what to do with myself. I live in regret now, and I just wish it would've never ever happened. I can't stop ruminating and being depressed thinking I don't deserve anything.
@NeeweeKeewee I'm so sorry.
I still don’t think you actually gave into it as much as you think you did. Because OCD does things that are unwanted by the person. I don’t think you’re a bad person and you have nothing to apologize for. Was your child uncomfortable at any point?
@NeeweeKeewee No not at all. I asked my child to move after it because I felt so terrible about it.
@NeeweeKeewee Honestly my child probably didn't even notice it because they kept laying there, and I had to ask them to move. It was in the middle of the night and it terrifies me to this day.
I’ve had harm ones where my mind would tell me to grab someone inappropriately or hurt someone. Sometimes it feels so real and strong that you think you’ll do it, but if I’m understanding what you’re saying it sounds like you did your best to redirect yourself by asking your child to move. Actual people who hurt their children don’t stop and continue the behavior. Our thoughts don’t dictate our actions or who we are as people! Especially us, who are often tortured by our own brains.
@NeeweeKeewee Thank you friend, so even if I did what in my mind what I thought to do, I moved my child which proves I didn't want it. Right? I'm sorry just struggling so bad. ChatGPT has told me on numerous occasions the same thing. That it sounds like OCD. Just scares me still
You did the right thing yes! That proves that you instinctually don’t want to harm your child.
And yes that is definitely OCD. While I struggle with OCD surrounding my first ex boyfriend. I have experienced stuff that you’ve gone through!
@NeeweeKeewee Thank you friend. My mind keeps telling me I'm a real monster and that I don't deserve my child and I'm hiding behind my OCD
You’re not a monster, and I truly believe that! You are a good mother! And you did the right thing!
@NeeweeKeewee Thank you!!
So I dealt with something a couple weeks ago that's caused me DEBILITATING anxiety. I just want to know if this follows the OCD pattern. I talked with my therapist and she confused me. Just say if follows along the OCD pattern or not. I don't need reassurance per se! My daughter was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt her that I might as well do something else to hurt because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it because my mind told me I had hurt her already ("my mind literally made me question what to do and I guess the only thing I could come up with was using my elbow) and causing another feeling but it came across my mind to elbow her, and I elbowed her crotch or side/thigh area. Which caused another very unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out. And I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be hers anymore. I was doing SO well! Is this really the POCD I was diagnosed with?
Please read and comment kindly. Really looking for support. My child was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt them that I might as well do something else because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it and causing another feeling (I literally had to question what to do during this and the only thing I could come up with was to move my elbow towards her groin area) but it came across my mind to elbow my child, and I elbowed their crotch or side area. Which caused another unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out and asked my child to move. Then I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be theirs anymore. Idk what overcame me, and in the moment, it felt like I wanted to move my elbow, but I know that can also be my OCD speaking. Right? I clearly regret it all and hate myself. I would never intentionally hurt my child; I don't know what happened in my head when this happened. I was doing SO well! Is this my POCD that I've been diagnosed with by my OCD specialized therapist? Just a struggling mom who used to be the best of the best. I'm very depressed by this. Idk what to do with myself. I live in regret now, and I just wish it would've never ever happened. I can't stop ruminating and being depressed thinking I don't deserve anything.
My child was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt them that I might as well do something else because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it and causing another feeling (I literally had to question what to do during this and the only thing I could come up with was to move my elbow towards her groin area) but it came across my mind to elbow my child, and I elbowed their crotch or side area. Which caused another unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out and asked my child to move. Then I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be theirs anymore. Idk what overcame me, and in the moment, it felt like I wanted to move my elbow, but I know that can also be my OCD speaking. Right? I clearly regret it all and hate myself. I would never intentionally hurt my child; I don't know what happened in my head when this happened. I was doing SO well! Is this my POCD that I've been diagnosed with by my OCD specialized therapist? Just a struggling mom who used to be the best of the best. I'm very depressed by this. Idk what to do with myself. I live in regret now, and I just wish it would've never ever happened. I can't stop ruminating and being depressed thinking I don't deserve anything.
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