Conquering_OCD

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16w

Hurting so deeply

I am hurting so much right now. I feel sad and disgusted with myself that I would even worry about these things (pocd). What kind of a human even thinks that and has doubts about that?? Definitely not one that’s rational or mentally sane. That kind of stuff should be a no brainer so why do I worry about it so much and what does it say about me? I feel sick and disgusted and can’t stop crying over it. I just feel so defeated like I want to disappear. I started ERP and every time I resist reassuring myself it comes back at me from every angle. I hate this so much.

POCD

Ragnarking18

Date posted: 16w

I go through the same thing daily these last 8 months but my theme is different. I'm scared of becoming schizophrenic or going through psychosis. My brain keeps having crazy thoughts and worrys that make me think it's not ocd....but it is. It sux going through these thoughts and feeling but what helps me is accepting I do have ocd and there's millions like me. Hope that helps a lil

Conquering_OCD

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16w

@Ragnarking18 It does. Honestly the worst part of all of this is feeling like I’m the only one and feeling isolated. Crazy that there are millions of people like us. I hate it.

Ragnarking18

Date posted: 16w

@Conquering_OCD I feel you man it's a hard life for sure been dealing with pure o since I was 7. Everytime my life is going great icd always comes along and attacks

httpet

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16w

Hey i was in your exact shoes not too long ago. I KNOW it’s hard, I KNOW it feels like you’re never going to get better, I KNOW it seems SOOOOOO real but guess what ? That’s just what this disorder does. I want you to know you’re STRONG, KIND, and AWESOME. One day you’ll believe these words too. 💛😊

Conquering_OCD

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16w

@httpet Thank you😭❤️ this is so comforting. You seem like a very nice person ❤️

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16w

You are a person with Ocd just like the rest of us ❤️ No matter our themes, we’ve all felt the same way as you- full of doubt, confusion, anxiety, disgust, etc. We are often much harder on ourselves than we are to others. Would you say the same things to someone else venting to you that they are suffering from POCD? If not, why do you judge yourself then? Treat yourself as if you would treat your friend. Self-compassion is key Also, OCD attacks you more when you do ERP because it doesn’t like that you’re trying to fight back. I know how much it hurts but that’s actually a good sign that you’re doing ERP well 👍 Continue ERP anyways and keep fighting to get your life back 💪 As a word of encouragement- I dealt with POCD about 4 years ago. I did ERP for it and I’ve never had that same theme again since. And if by chance I ever do, I already have the ERP & ACT tools to manage it

sunshinecloud9

Date posted: 14w

@OneDayAtATimee Hello! Did you do erp with a therapist on this app?

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 14w

@confusedocd Hi! Yes I have and I’m open to sharing about it :) Do you have any questions?

sunshinecloud9

Date posted: 14w

@OneDayAtATimee Is there anyway we can connect privately via message or email?

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 14w

@confusedocd I’m unable to sorry but if you’d like you can try to say details that aren’t specific, if that’s more comfortable for you :)

sunshinecloud9

Date posted: 14w

@OneDayAtATimee How was your experience when you first started ERP?

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 14w

@confusedocd I would say it was a hugeeee relief to find out there was a treatment for what I was going through. I had Harm Ocd & POCD, which were the scariest things I’ve ever gone through so I was super determined to follow whatever my therapist told me. I can’t lie- it was difficult 😅 Resisting compulsions HURTS, especially in the beginning of ERP because your anxiety gets worse before it gets better. So it’s one of the hardest things I’ve been through. I would be so scared as I did my exposures and they would make me cry sometimes from anxiety BUT I knew I had to fight through it all because it would get me my normal life back, and it did 🙏 My exposures got much easier over time. Eventually, those themes weren’t a worry for me anymore and I was able to laugh about them. I was able to not be as triggered much at all anymore by things that would’ve put me into a spiral prior. ERP even taught me how to handle real life stresses better than people without OCD can 😄 Plus- if you can survive OCD and ERP, you can survive anything really lol

sunshinecloud9

Date posted: 13w

@OneDayAtATimee How long do you feel it took you to see a difference?

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 13w

@confusedocd For me it usually took a few days of not compulsing to feel some relief. But my compulsions still had that strong urge of wanting to come back Looking back at my DOCS scores- in total it took about a year for me to go from a level 31 down to a level 3. But it only took that long because I was going through a breakup at the time which added stress, so it was hard for me to stick to ERP. But before that breakup, I was down from a 31 to a level 16- around only 4 months into treatment (but after that my OCD levels increased again because of the breakup stress and then it went back down). Your OCD levels will decrease faster if you consistently stay on top of your ERP, despite real life stressors 👍

sunshinecloud9

Date posted: 13w

@OneDayAtATimee Thank you for getting back to me! I will start therapy soon but it seems overwhelming and scary for me to begin

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 13w

@confusedocd You’re so welcome! It def is a scary process at first for everyone ❤️‍🩹 The right therapist will help you to feel more understood and comfortable :) You knowing your issues and knowing the correct treatment is half the battle so you’re already on the right track 👏

BigGyro09

Date posted: 19w

Life kinda just sucks right now 18+ only

Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.

moon0270

Date posted: 17w

Makes me feel like a horrible person

That's what OCD feels like. Especially the constant questioning and doubt and the more you do it, the more you doubt yourself and it ends up leaving you open for other 'attacks'. I left the house today with my mom to run errands and things were fine, like my intrusive thoughts weren't bothering me that much in the beginning though they're constant in the background. Then when we stopped to get a drink from this store before leaving, I got more anxious because there were lots of kids around (it's afternoon here and i guess school was coming out). Kids were walking around in school uniform and I just told myself to keep looking away because i knew that my intrusive thoughts were going to flare up. Obviously that just made it worse and I just wanted to run away and crawl into a hole or something. Then a few minutes passed and then my brain said what if you were leering at the kids or looking at them inappropriately. And then my brain kept telling me that I wanted to or must have filmed one of them even though it's not something I want to do and know deep down that I didn't do it and don't want to. Ever. I just felt so disgusted with myself, I had to stop myself from crying on the way home. I hate this disease and I hate that its made its home in my head.

hestia

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 10w

I Need Help

I’m trying to do ERP therapy, but I keep thinking my subtype of ocd is the worst there ever is. I tried going on a walk tonight and the adrenaline in my body along with the shakes and the burning in my chest got so overwhelming. I felt like I was just about to lay down in the gutter along the sidewalk. I’m not trying to be super negative. I just don’t know what to do anymore. If it’s not one thing it’s another and I just wanna cry so bad and I want it to go away but it won’t I almost feel like I have to call a crisis line or something even right now while I’m writing this I’m crying so bad. I can’t enjoy a single thing. I joined a support group tonight, but I just feel like I feel so bad for everyone because of how awful it is. I know what I’m writing right now doesn’t make a lot of sense but I just don’t know what to do anymore. Part of me wants to quit ERP therapy so bad cause I don’t think it’s gonna ever help. if anyone has any advice or suggestions, that would be greatly appreciated.

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Hurting so deeply

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