My POCD has spiraled out of control based on me thinking I wanted to cause harm to my child when I moved my elbow based upon the thought to move it. I can't stop feeling guilty about it. I don't want to be taken from her. I need help. I have a therapist but myself next session isn't for a while
I'm scared of being alive. I had a dream today and it triggered my POCD. Its hard to live with this I cant I just cant
@HOY Yes you can! It's not reality; it was just a dream friend. I'm here for you! Sorry you are struggling as well. I feel like I really am better off not here
@Anony1314 Its traumatic
@HOY I almost have it myself and all day long when I think about it I feel like it's attractive to me... there are just many roads from that OCD, it's like an octopus... It's a bad day, but it's not life.
I have the same thing where I'm so scared of the way I move my hands and fingers and body. I wish I had answers for you. But I understand that it's so so hard and terrible and lonely.
@Anonymous Thanks friend
Hey, This is OCD! You deserve to be alive and well! Please don’t forget that
@nyx32 But how do I know it's OCD friend,
@Anony1314 You can tell by the fact that it goes against what you want. And you are ruminating which is also typical for OCD. Are you currently in therapy?
@Anony1314 Hey are u okay miss
@nyx32 Thanks friend. And yes I'm in therapy. I don't know what my true wants are anymore.
@Anonymous No I'm not friend
@Anony1314 Hey miss,I guess u meant @anony1314
@Anonymous Hey I'm not okay friend
@Anony1314 So miss, I can feel what you are going through right now, somethings happen by accident and I guess it's better take your own time to relieve yourself, we all believe that it was an accident move in your case . Spend your happy times with your child
@Anonymous But it wasn't an accident friend. It wasn't! Ugh I hate myself I truly do
Are there any inpatient or outpatient programs around you your therapist could recommend? I'm so sorry it's gone on this long
@jennamax20 Hi friend! Do you think I'm a bad person?
@Anony1314 I am asking because you said you feel like you shouldn't be alive - inpatient and outpatient programs can be helpful. I did an partial hospitalization program postpartum.
@jennamax20 I'm not going to harm myself or anyone else. Just feel that way. Friend I'm sorry you have went through it before too
@jennamax20 Hey friend
@Anony1314 That's great! I was not at that place either but in those programs you typically meet with a doctor regularly and a team of specialized support. If you feel you need more support than weekly therapy, this could be a good option for you
@jennamax20 Thank you friend! I just don't want to leave my daughter either
@Anony1314 There are day programs ! That's what I did. And it sounds like you aren't functioning super well or very present anyways so getting help and moving in a forward direction could be awesome so when you are with her you can enjoy it and be present without so much rumination and reassurance seeking. You have had every question answered multiple times so there's not forward progress in asking the same thing anymore - that will keep you stuck. Maybe just mention it to your therapist next time and see what they think!
@jennamax20 Thanks friend!
Please comment. Just say if follows along the OCD pattern or not. I don't need reassurance per se! My daughter was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt/a**aulted her that I might as well do something else to hurt because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it because my mind told me I had hurt her already ("my mind literally made me question what to do and I guess the only thing I could come up with was using my elbow) and causing another feeling but it came across my mind to elbow her, and I elbowed her crotch or side/thigh area. Which caused another very unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out. And I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be hers anymore. Idk what overcame me but my therapist says it's all OCD. I was doing SO well! Is this really OCD? This has all caused me a great amount of anxiety. I feel like a terrible person and mom. I just need help knowing if this is OCD. Not wanting reassurance. Just wanting to know if this lines up with the POCD I've been diagnosed with by my current therapist.
So I dealt with something a couple weeks ago that's caused me DEBILITATING anxiety. I just want to know if this follows the OCD pattern. I talked with my therapist and she confused me. Just say if follows along the OCD pattern or not. I don't need reassurance per se! My daughter was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt her that I might as well do something else to hurt because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it because my mind told me I had hurt her already ("my mind literally made me question what to do and I guess the only thing I could come up with was using my elbow) and causing another feeling but it came across my mind to elbow her, and I elbowed her crotch or side/thigh area. Which caused another very unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out. And I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be hers anymore. I was doing SO well! Is this really the POCD I was diagnosed with?
Please read and comment kindly. Really looking for support. My child was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt them that I might as well do something else because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it and causing another feeling (I literally had to question what to do during this and the only thing I could come up with was to move my elbow towards her groin area) but it came across my mind to elbow my child, and I elbowed their crotch or side area. Which caused another unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out and asked my child to move. Then I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be theirs anymore. Idk what overcame me, and in the moment, it felt like I wanted to move my elbow, but I know that can also be my OCD speaking. Right? I clearly regret it all and hate myself. I would never intentionally hurt my child; I don't know what happened in my head when this happened. I was doing SO well! Is this my POCD that I've been diagnosed with by my OCD specialized therapist? Just a struggling mom who used to be the best of the best. I'm very depressed by this. Idk what to do with myself. I live in regret now, and I just wish it would've never ever happened. I can't stop ruminating and being depressed thinking I don't deserve anything.
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