pocd real event :(

feels like I violated a family friends son who is 10 years old because I was holding a kitty on my lap and they were scratching under the cats chin and I went to scratch under the cats chin as well but we ended up touching hands bc we were both scratching under but like I didn’t care bc I was just like awww kitty or whatever but then when we touched hands and he moved his hand away it freaked me out like I did something bad or violated him. It felt like I cupped and grazed his hand because I went to scratch under the cats chin but he was doing so as well. And when he moved his hand away it like slid past my hand and it just made me feel like I did something weird. Some people would be able to do this and not freak out and even continue scratching under the cats chin with the little boy and not care but I care and it’s making me feel really weird and bad. And also him moving his hand away when I touched it makes me feel like I did something bad. This all happened in a span of a literal second and I just want to disappear

nae nae

Date posted: 16w

If you're sitting beside someone you aren't super familiar with, and let's say, your knee grazes theirs. Wouldn't your initial reaction be to move away? Not out of fear, but just creating space. That's likely the reason he pulled his hand back, too! Deep down, you understand it's not what your OCD is trying to convince you of. But sit with those anxious feelings for now 🥲

dee012

Date posted: 16w

@nae nae Thank you nae for your comment. As I said in another reply, I was basically just saying that I feel weird because I was OK with it. For a split second. I guess there was nothing wrong with it and that’s why my brain didn’t have the fight or flight that usually happens with OCD.. so I kinda just let it happen but then him moving his hand away once we touched hands spiked that feeling. I can’t really say my thought process step-by-step because they all happen in a span of a second, but all I can say is it did make me feel weird. And me feeling weird about this is making me feel even more weird. It’s like I can never win. If I don’t freak out, OCD uses that as something to make me feel weird. If I freak out, it does the same thing. And me having bad OCD thoughts right when it happened confused that with my intention. So it feels like a bad intention. I couldn’t even sit next to him in the car without feeling weird bc we were all crammed in the back, and my shopping bag was touching him near his leg/butt and i literally moved it out of fear. I cannot stand this illness

dee012

Date posted: 16w

@nae nae Sorry for long reply again I hate typing so much

nae nae

Date posted: 16w

@dee012 Don't apologize for the long reply. I understand how you're feeling! It's totally all OCD, though.

nyx32

Date posted: 16w

I understand how you feel. But you didn’t have a weird intent, it accidentally happened and actually nothing even really happened. It’s OCD making a deal out of this.

dee012

Date posted: 16w

@nyx32 Thank you for your comment😕💕. I guess I feel weird because for a split second I was OK with it, just because we were both playing with a kitty. But once my hand touched his, and he moved his hand away, fear set in. And me being OK with it for a split second made me feel like I had weird intentions. I don’t know. This is all really weird. A part of me knows there’s nothing wrong with this but a big part of me will not let this go.

moon0270

Date posted: 16w

OCD can make everything you do seem like you're doing it with bad intentions, even the simplest and most negligible actions. im so sorry that this is troubling you. you care a lot and that matters, but you haven't done anything bad and you're not a bad person. 🫂

dee012

Date posted: 16w

@moon027097 Thank you friend. Your comments always help. One day we will all look back at OCD as a simple pest in our lives, obviously not simple in terms of the effect it had on us, but we will be able to not let it take up such a big portion of our lives. I know this will be okay for all of us!

moon0270

Date posted: 16w

@dee012 aw this is very encouraging🥹 i look forward to that day

danielllll

Date posted: 16w

Feeling extremely guilty and don’t know what to do

I think I know what honestly is what caused my OCD. I’ve never told anyone this but I have to if I want help. When I was either 10 or 11, I think 10 I was at my family’s thanksgiving dinner. Around this time I discovered porn and got addicted. I would watch porn and read erotica. Because of this I guess I wanted to experiment. I feel absolutely horrible just thinking about this but I was playing around with my little cousin, he was around 7 I think and I remember we were playing chase or hide and seek, and I grabbed him and hugged him (something I never done before), and got a boner. I did this for pleasure. That’s all I did that was sexual but I feel so horrible. I try to give myself grace as I was only 10 and didn’t know the consequences of something so disgusting. I keep thinking “what if I went farther and hurt him?”. I talk to him sometimes and he seems comfortable with me and I think he doesn’t even remember this ever happened and just thought I hugged him for some reason all those years ago. I am NOT attracted to him at all but I think this incident and remembering it when I was 14 has caused my OCD such as POCD for all these years. I am 18 now but I feel absolutely horrible. And now it’s even worse because I have been invited to his 15th birthday party in Mexico. I’m traveling all the way to another country just to be near him! Obviously I know I won’t touch him or be innopropriate with him. But what if he has felt uncomfortable with me all this time? He seems fine with me and not uncomfortable around me but still. If I feel as if I go to this trip, I am a horrible person. I don’t know what to do. Am I a horrible person for what I did and continuing to be around him? I remember reading Reddit and Quora stories of similar people who felt horrible and people told them to not feel bad as they were only children and they learned and now know that was wrong and that to not tell anyone as it could only make things extremely awkward.Please help. I know COCSA is a very serious topic that harms people and I feel like a horrible perpetrator now.

emma345

Date posted: 16w

Please help zocd

tw: nsfw 17f I have a real even ocd from a sexual event with an animal (my cat) from where I was younger. Remembering it ruined my life and made it a living hell. It was bad. It's not one of those innocent events people always assume because I have ocd and then they get all surprised when it was actually bad and sexual. (animal wasn't harmed though) So basically I developed I fear of interacting or even looking at animals after I remembered so I was avoiding my cat like crazy, but then I realized that it's cruel to ignore an animal who wants love and attention, so I forced myself to overcome it kinda. I basically downloaded a habit tracker where I mark when I was able to pet my cat cause while it's triggering I want to give my cat love and I'm trying to pet her everyday So yesterday I was petting the cat. And she was extremely enthusiastic about it. Like she was almost throwing herself on me to get more pets like kinda agressive at this point to get pets. I started thinking how animals go in heat in spring. But she is like sterilized so I wasnt sure its possible for her. Like maybe they are just more active in spring? But what if the pets are somehow sexual for the cat? Then I thought maybe I shouldn't pet her then cause that's wrong. But then I thought like who cares and also then it will be like this the whole spring should I just not touch her the whole spring and ignore her again? I was also tired a bit so I wasn't thinking it all through that much Now I'm freaking out so bad. Like I knew there was a possibility that it was sexual for the cat and still continued petting her I didn't stop. It's so bad. Like I thought its whatever since it's not sexual for me but now I'm freaking out. Like the whole me being a better person and learning on my mistakes after that one earlier event was for nothing if I was able to do something like this I'm freaking out so bad

sanshine

Date posted: 15w

Brain is frazzled adults only please

Worried about situation that happened with nephew new memory or not idk I'm scared Worried about situation that happened with nephew I'm so scared when I was holding my nephew I thought " I wonder if this would sexually stimulate him" ( not the exact words don't want to be extremely graphic) I began to bump him like how people bump babies on their hips he was on my stomach cuz that's how he was handed to me. Now I fear I remember also thinking if his diaper would stimulate his private part or something like that IDK LIKE I FEEL LIKE I REMEMBER THINKING THAT BUT ALSO DON'T??? LIKE O FEEL LIKE maybe I thought this at a different time for whatever weird reason but then I'm scared that it makes sense it would happen when I held him. Does it change the situation?????I feel extremely sick because I don't know why I would think that or if it was my brain or me. Idk if it was or wasn't cuz I felt his diaper against me? Was I curious if it would? It feels like I was curious but wth why???Was it just something weird I thought? Am I actually a monster? I had been having disturbing thoughts I'm pretty sure that were related to my POCD in general for a while before that. Ik my nephew didn't get hurt but I'm so scared why would I do something like that I feel so sick and disgusted. I know away from that situation I have no sexual interest or attraction towards him I'm just so freaked out and disgusted. I don't wanna be a bad person and I don't want my worst fear to be true.

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pocd real event :(

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