Feeling the need to confess

Hi, the last few days I have again really struggled with my pocd however it has only been focussed on one child. I am afraid I might think something so bad that if the parents would know they would hate me forever and I won’t be allowed to come there anymore. I constantly feel the need to check if I can think of these horrible things and the find out I can, my thoughts get more disturbing everytime because I constantly fear I will think of something more disturbing. I really feel the need to confess because I just can’t believe the parent would ever want to see me again if they knew and therefore I am obligated to tell them. I feel I can never become a good person if I don’t confess this to them. I am also really trying to not confess within this post as I know it will only make things worse. Is there anyone that can relate to this and is it really possible to heal without confessing this? And also are there any tips of how I can get myself to sleep I am so sleep deprived I cannot even go to school anymore. I am in the process of seeking professional help however this process goes awfully slow and I really do not know what to do hence this post. So to summarise is it really possible to heal from pocd without confessing to the people I am hurting with the absolutely disturbing thoughts that I have, there not just thoughts a pedophile would have they are way worse.

POCD

AAnonymous17

Date posted: 16w

I went through this a couple years into babysitting for a family about 7 years ago. This was my first time experiencing pocd, I was so scared and confused why I was having those thoughts. I wanted so badly to confess to the family, my mom, my friends, I felt like a fraud. This is just ocd doing its thing. A new theme is always gonna disturb you the most and take over especially when you’re already anxious about it. You will heal and get past this, you have to just have to sit with these thoughts, don’t let them consume you. You are not your thoughts!! You’ve got this ❤️

AAnonymous17

Date posted: 16w

@-Anonymous17 Do not confess it’s just a compulsion and ocd trying to control you. Again you are not your thoughts and that’s not who you are

#@Janie2.0#

Date posted: 16w

@-Anonymous17 Thank you so much, I know that it will lighten up in a few days but is has not been this bad for a long time, I think it is so bad because I know they have a very outspoken opinion on mental health that makes me even more afraid as I know they would never understand and just be mad at me. It is so frustrating to know how ocd works but still not be able to “fix” it so it really help knowing there are other people that have gone though the same and are doing better now

AAnonymous17

Date posted: 16w

@#@Janie2.0# Of course!! There is no need to tell them about your thoughts. You are not your thoughts and it doesn’t change who you are as a person. The feeling the need to confess will eventually go away. I know it’s hard right now, but confessing will only feed into the cycle. Have you tried talking with a therapist?

#@Janie2.0#

Date posted: 16w

@-Anonymous17 Yes I had my intake with a therapist a few weeks ago, I will have another talk in the upcoming weeks and then they will decide on a plan, I am really grateful that I get the opportunity to go and see a therapist although I am kinda scared about the part where I need to learn to let the thoughts exist and not react to them but I know it will help eventually

AAnonymous17

Date posted: 16w

@#@Janie2.0# I feel you I’m in the same boat! I just started therapy at the beginning of this month. I promise you once you start talking to someone trained in what we go through the stress starts to just go away on its own. If you’re anything like me, just being able to talk about it and not be judged helps me tremendously. And then giving you techniques do deal with these things help so much too, good luck!

#@Janie2.0#

Date posted: 16w

@-Anonymous17 Thank you so much ❤️ I am really happy to hear therapy is doing so much for you, keep up the good work!

AAnonymous17

Date posted: 16w

@#@Janie2.0# You’re welcome! Thank you, I hope the same for you:)

#@Janie2.0#

Date posted: 16w

Do you maby have any tips on how to stop ruminating about confessing, I am constantly thinking of ways I could tell them so that they maby would understand and I am playing all these conversations and scenarios out in my head, which keeps me from sleeping

DannyO507

Date posted: 12w

I need help dealing with this

I have been really really struggling for the past 3 months and haven’t been able to stop intrusive thoughts/ rumination and confessing. It’s making me question my entire life, my relationship and even who I am as a person. It’s mainly effecting my relationship, I am so afraid that I did something or think things that are definitely hurtful to my partner. I know my brain is contorting my own memory and making things seem so much worse. I also know I haven’t done anything bad, all my things I’ve confessed about have been considered “normal” and I’ve been told that “you’re normal, you didn’t do anything wrong”. But I have felt this intense sense of guilt and shame and it doesn’t go away, I can’t even be a normal person anymore. And I keep searching for “just one more thing I need to tell” and I don’t want to keep searching my brain of every time I’ve said or done anything that I can distort and make seem 1000% worse. I’m isolating myself and just feel like I’m a bad person. I keep confessing my thoughts, feeling, urges, etc. to my partner and while I know I would never do any of these I feel like my ocd is trying to convince me that maybe I would because “why else would you think it or feel guilty” and that makes it so much worse. I really need guidance on how to handle this. What do I do to stop feeling like this and heal?

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 12w

I feel so scared all the time

I’ve given up with the confessing. I feel so drained and irredeemable that why even confess anymore? I don’t know if this is a good thing. On paper, it looks great. My bf thinks I’m better, but I feel like I’m dying. The attraction, arousal, urges, compulsions are all getting so much stronger. I feel like I’m embracing a monster. The POCD is driving me mad. I genuinely cannot see kids anymore because it’s immediate checking compulsions and intrusions. I need help. Has anyone gotten to this point and made it back to “normal”? I feel like a pedophile who is simply ashamed of being one.

Mitu_001

Date posted: 4w

This is a vent

I feel like I wasted my life.I am almost 20 years old I feel like I did some mistakes that are too horrible to be forgiven.I didnt help a kid who needed help..Who was in danger ..Who was hurt.This made me think I am dangerous and can't be trusted.I started to have these terrible terrible thoughts(pocd) and I feel like I changes since then.Like I am not a ,,pure" person.That I can't be like I was before.I hope it was a compulsion..I used to also stare at kids years ago.I know is so disgusting and I will never act like that again.I feel like I did something too terrible.I am scared this is all proof I am a p..I don't wanna be that.I will never do something but I am so disgusted by my thoughts.I know I shoulf not seek reassurance and all but I don't know if anyone will want to be near me if they knew.I feel like an impostor.And I am scared to tell a therapist..what if they told me that I really am?! Ped******a is one of the things that disgust me the most ..(I think for everyone is like that).I feel like I am too terrible to do something in life.After all of this idk if I deserve anything.Maybe there was a chance if I didn't start to have these thoughts..but now..I want to became a psychologist, to travel the world.I feel like I wasted my life .And I feel like I have too many things to do and have a lot of places to go.Some people are sick and can't do the things I CAN do.And I feel guilty because of that.And I am also scared I will get sick( as I write this, I am scared I will manifest it).I am going to a therapist but idk if I have the courage to tell abt my pocd

POCD

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Feeling the need to confess

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