Magical OCD

hey that doesn’t sound crazy at all i’ve had the exact same type of OCD before! the trick for me was wearing it more and convincing myself to wear a certain item maybe once per week and even if i noticed distancing, i would still do it until i achieved a positive result. the second thing i did was i kind of manipulated my compulsions and convinced myself the more i think of that specific clothing item being the reason for example my friends wont talk to me that day the more likely it is that my friends will be drawn to me that day if i wear it! hope this helps

I have been dealing with this type of ocd for 38 years. I know all ocd types suck, but the magical thinking ocd when combined with thought and emotional contamination ocd is truly the psychopathic one. It doesn't stop until it completely ruins you to the point where the only way out is either urgent help or suicide. I am lucky that meds do help me a lot, but I am not sure if that is just with anxiety or also with ocd itself. Life is livable now, but when obsessions strike, I can postpone compulsions, but cannot not do them. Sooner or later the anxiety calms down but the fear of what if is still strong. The link between the obsessions and compulsions, the topics ocd comes up, can be so abstract and weird, that unless you've lived it, there is no way you can understand it. Even other people who suffer from ocd, and it is very hard for them, still do not know the real hell unless they've experienced it. It has 3 times almost completely ruined my life. I was vegetating basically. Was unable to function and live any longer because of the indescribable fear of what if.... If you are afraid you will get sick if you touch something and don't wash your hands, it is hard, but it is possible to understand it, there is some underlying logic in it. With thought and emotional contamination combined with magical thinking ocd, it is nuthouse. Nothing makes sense and yet you can't breath, can't function, can't be a daughter, a son, a parent, a friend, a husband or wife. You can't even be you anymore. Your thoughts make you feel dirty. Your emotions make you feel dirty. You may be put in a sterile environment and you would still feel so so so dirty because of a certain feeling, certain thought, a word just in your head or spoken outloud by you or anyone else. You can't watch TV, use a computer, phone, listen to music, read books or newspapers, because there is threat lurking in any of them. If I see a name that reminds me of someone my ocd is focused on, my whole life collapses. I would feel less dirty and less panicky if I fell into a pool of mud. And the example above is just one of the numerous examples I could give you. In the end, you get tired of being alive, too tired to breath anymore. I was lucky I somehow pulled through. And that I chickened out. Because there were sooo many times when I prayed for God or destiny to give me a heart attack or just some way or another take my life. I understand you 1000000 % and I hope you newer hit the rock bottom like I did quite a few times. 2 years ago I had no life. I was scared to death 24 hours of each day. Not only of obsessions, but also of the exhaustion my doing the compulsions leaves behind. The I went on Zoloft. 2 years after my life is 90% better. There is always hope. Take care.

Hi Anon, I'm so sorry you've been trying to handle magical thinking with wearing certain items since you were 13. I wasn't diagnosed with it but I had similar experiences and not sure if I'm not diagnosed with it from years of long term exposure and kindness to overcome such compulsion. My family is really into superstition so I had to follow it just so I wouldn't be scolded for hours, but i still got blamed for it despite doing the rituals. Probably why I rebelled to challenge my superstitions, fears, and barriers. Not because I was strong but I felt safe, dumb, or spiteful enough to do so. So if I thought something was lucky I tend to rejoice if I did have a lucky day, if it's unlucky or bad day well I had to really practice nothing including God would have changed the outcome because if it did, it meant someone would have gotten hurt or take an angels wings away because only on bad days it gives an angel a chance to help and earn it's wings. It is my own paradigm shift to help me stop some overthinking until I don't have to think or mine the rituals at all especially when my OCD is encouraged and demanded externally from me. Just an example in case it helps you redirect magical thinking energy into SpongeBob imagination meme of if it feels good, have fun, if it feels bad, let yourself be sad yet no one takes the blame. It really helps doing these exposure with an expert like they say to wear said unlucky item and the friend shows up anyways. Because it's hard to think outside of the box or maybe medicine can help lessen the emotional pull of performing these steps when juggling other emotions and responsibilities. OCD also is trying to trick and take credit of the knowledge the times someone may have commented "that look isn't right" by tying it to a different memory as if you didn't showered for 3 months and that's why they avoided you. The brain can really want to make up it's own data so it can be right, and being right doesn't necessarily mean doing the right thing or correct. Just someone gave up arguing or there was no contest to the statement. Also wanted to add you know what is the common denominator of wearing something lucky? You, you're lucky. And even with luck there has to be moments that yes this was the lucky version, otherwise you could have won 1 million dollars and feel worst and insist on magical thinking. You are amazing in every way flaw and all and that itself is magical enough. Items are just like game skins you buy for your character to wear base on what you like to see, not what others see. You'll do okay, you've made it this far already.