OCD

@Holl1 Are you doing the conference You are many your taboo thoughts it’s free

@Stacey353 Which one and when?

@Holl1 It just ended it was You are not your taboo thoughts

@Stacey353 I keep getting I’m gonna thoughts now

@Holl1 Me too. Are they replaying over and over?

@Stacey353 There not replaying constantly but like pop up every 10 mins or so

@Holl1 Mine are constantly

@Stacey353 I’ve got bad anxiety right now

@Holl1 Awww I’m so sorry is there anything u can do to help are you home alone?

@Stacey353 I’m just with my boyfriend, should be ok hopefully passes soon

@Holl1 I hope you so I’m laying down right now I feel so terrible with not and these thoughts

@Stacey353 So am I, I just feel so anxious and I just don’t wanna think about these thoughts at all

@Holl1 I know it’s miserable and torture

@Stacey353 Are you feeling any better or the same

@Stacey353 No my boyfriend gone to sleep and my thoughts are constant now , it’s always when I’m on my own

@Stacey353 Just trying to watch tv and be distracted but it’s hard

@Holl1 Same with TikTok

@Stacey353 How you feeling today girl

@Holl1 Awful and lying in bed trying to stay away from these thoughts what about you girl

@Stacey353 Same!! Are you joining the workshop tomorrow?

@Holl1 Yeah which one?

@Stacey353 The harm OCD one

@Holl1 I’ll have to look but yes I want to

@Stacey353 Ok yeah Tracie does support groups on Sundays and Tuesdays I love her she’s great

@Stacey353 Good do you have to have camera and mic on?

@Holl1 No

@Holl1 Don’t forget about the workshop

@Holl1 Did you go to the harm ocd workshop girl?

@Stacey353 Yeah I did, did you?

@Holl1 Yeah I did. I thought it would make me feel better but it almost just triggered me I think and made me feel worse.

@Holl1 What did you think of it? It was like the support groups that we have on Sundays and Tuesdays

@Stacey353 Yea it triggered me too. I’m just obsessing over if my thoughts are mine or OCD because I’m not getting anxiety over them anymore like at least I could tell it was ocd was I had anxiety

@Holl1 I’m having the worst anxiety over mine I can’t stand it. I don’t know which is better to have anxiety or to not. At least you know it’s OCD because the thoughts bother you it’s not like you want them ya know. That’s how we know they are ocd. We are obsessing over these awful intrusive thoughts.

@Holl1 What bothers me is the thoughts are suppose to not go away ts how we react to them to go away and that scares me. I just want them to go away.

@Stacey353 I know I don’t want these thoughts to be me , I have a hard time believing that tho

@Holl1 A hard time believing what

@Stacey353 That these thoughts are me and not OCD

@Holl1 They are ocd girl don’t worry

@Stacey353 I hope so, so tired of this just not feeling it today

@Holl1 I understand completely it’s so frustrating enough to drive you crazy

@Stacey353 Do your obsessions around objects keep changing like from the car to something else? It happens to me like every other day it’s so annoying

@Holl1 No they all stay the same the car and others. How do you know your not gonna act on the se thoughts I can’t get them out of my head

@Stacey353 Mines one day the window and then the next the car and then other days it’s different. Is this definitely OCD😩 I don’t know that I’m not gonna act on them and I have to live with that unfortunately

@Stacey353 It’s like it goes around in circles

@Holl1 It is ocd you will not act on it because you don’t want to and ocd can’t make us do anything we don’t want to do. I have to remind myself of this over and over. What kind of thoughts do you have about the window jumping out?

@Stacey353 Yes and then it switches to something else and I get my boyfriend to hide stuff. And I get “I’m gonna” thoughts and images of me acting on these thoughts. I’m trying to not do compulsions in my head so I’m finding it hard. Have you had any other therapy sessions?

@Holl1 Yes I had one two days ago and they aren’t helping and I am getting so much in debt I think I’m gonna have to stop. It’s $240 per session and they do $95/weekly payment plan but it adds up so fast

@Stacey353 The whole reason why this window thing started was because I read a story about it happening to someone else and then it triggered me so bad I started getting thoughts like “what if this happens to me” I know it’s illogical but it feels so real.

@Stacey353 Wow that’s a lot. Do they give you coping tips? I’m from UK so I’ll be looking elsewhere I think

@Holl1 I mean they do but none have helped me. I’m in the United States

@Holl1 I do that too after I hear stories or read things I start to get those thoughts so I’ve been not reading the comments except for yours that we write back and forth

@Holl1 We have to learn to trust ourselves. We know ourselves and we have to trust that.

@Stacey353 Yes I agree with that, the trust thing is so important. Do you feel like you have on and off days with it?

@Holl1 I don’t all my days are awful with the intrusive thoughts nonstop:(

@Stacey353 Yea I still get intrusive thoughts but it depends on my mood if it’s a good day or a bad day

@Holl1 I think I allow it to have too much control over me. It’s like they are getting worse and I think it’s bc I am self isolating so much do you think maybe that’s making them worse?

@Stacey353 Yea definitely how do you feel about going out on your own or meeting up with other people?

@Holl1 I can’t because I can’t even ride in a car im terrified. I don’t know how this started but my life was turned upside down a year and a half ago when all the sudden I became afraid to ride or drive. It sounds so pathetic but I just mean I isolate myself from even my family I live with

@Stacey353 How about going for a walk on your own something that doesn’t involve the car

@Holl1 Yeah that’s a good idea

@Stacey353 Yeah I would suggest doing things that doesn’t involve the car but getting yourself out of the house and out of your head and work yourself up that way

@Holl1 Thanks girl

@Stacey353 Girl I ain’t ever riding in a car again

@Holl1 Oh gosh why

@Stacey353 Well we was going out for a walk and I wasn’t anxious about getting in the car or owt & then we set off I was getting intrusive thoughts and urges and it was so bad I had a panic attack and I was crying bad , it’s the worst it’s ever been. I just don’t understand why I’m like this

@Holl1 Oh no what kind of urges I’m so sorry what kind of thoughts

@Stacey353 Urges to jump and images of me acting on it. I’m so upset

@Holl1 Girl that’s what I have!!!

@Holl1 That’s exactly what happens to me! I get urges to open the door and jump out and images too!!!! Even when I drive i get it!

@Stacey353 It was so bad I feel so sick. It’s never been that bad before and it just started out of nowhere

@Holl1 I can’t ride anywhere even down the street bc I’m afraid I’ll open the door and jump out

@Holl1 What are you going to do about going places

@Stacey353 Idk lol do you think ocd can give you thoughts like that tho

@Holl1 Yes because that’s what I have and that’s what causes them. It’s obsessive fears about different stuff it’s considered harm ocd bc it’s telling you to harm yourself

@Stacey353 Yeah true girl , I always get “I’m gonna” thoughts tho so it sounds like it’s coming from me

@Stacey353 I’m so glad I’ve got someone to talk to about this tho no one else understands

@Holl1 Me too. I always get I’m gonna thoughts too like I’m gonna open the car door and jump out. It’s so hard to talk about this to people who don’t understand bc it sounds crazy

@Stacey353 I know, it’s so scary I’m always thinking when is this gonna end it’s torture

@Holl1 Ong I know I hope it goes away

@Holl1 Hey girl how’s it going

@Stacey353 Less anxious, but not in a good mood girl. Wby

@Holl1 Frustrated with therapy. It’s so expensive and I do t really feel like it’s helping . The therapist is nice but it’s just the same thing each time closing my eyes thinking I’m in a certain driving for 30 min and that’s it.

@Stacey353 Yea i get it , don’t wanna be paying lots to be told the same thing. Is there any other therapist outside nocd you could try?

@Stacey353 Hi , how you been doing ?

@Holl1 Hey girl I’m ok I haven’t had racing thoughts lately but still the intrusive thoughts are horrible what about you?

@Stacey353 Yeah same no racing thoughts but still got the occasional intrusive thoughts

@Holl1 It sounds like you are doing better if they are just occasional that’s great

@Stacey353 Yeah although it doesn’t feel like it because I’m still ruminating on them 😩

@Holl1 I’m sorry girl I’m still ruminating too and having awful intrusive thoughts I just want them to go away

@Stacey353 I know so do I. I just want to feel comfortable and to enjoy life

@Holl1 Same here girl I want to enjoy life again too

@Holl1 If you have Audi le there’s a book called overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts I really liked!

@Holl1 *Audible

@Stacey353 Yeah thanks girl I’ll give it a read , reallt struggling tonight

@Holl1 I’m sorry what are you struggling with the m gonna thoughts?

@Stacey353 Yeah and images too hopefully today will be a better day

@Holl1 It will be girl but yes I struggle big time with the images and urges. The urges are my biggest struggle though for sure. It’s like something pulling me to do it

@Stacey353 Yes girl same. I always get urges when I’m in bed too like sometimes I wake up in middle of night and get urges then it’s so scary

@Holl1 Yes it’s so scary and I can’t stand it if the urges would go away it would make this a lot more bare able.

@Stacey353 I know it’s like it’s pushing you to do it and the doubt as well omg it’s the worst

@Holl1 Exactly

@Holl1 How are you doing today girl? Do you ever worry you’re just going to lose control of your body and do something you don’t want to?

@Stacey353 Not good girl idk why I’m not getting anxiety anymore but still getting urges and thoughts so it feels more real & yes had that today wby

@Holl1 Yes I always feel like that. I don’t want to do anything but the urges I get are just so strong and idk I just can’t take it anymore. The thoughts aren’t nonstop anymore but I’m so scared also to ride in the car and I’ve got to bc I’ve got to go to the dentist. I don’t k ow what to do I’m so scared. Have you rode in the car since that incident

@Stacey353 Yes I did but only short distances. It’s so annoying I don’t know how I’m ever gonna recover when it’s this bad

@Holl1 I understand completely I just want to feel the way I used to before all the started. Do you think it’s possible to feel like we used to?

@Stacey353 I think it’s possible yeah but when you’re in an episode it’s hard to see it

@Holl1 I just drove around the block and I can’t make myself go any further I’m terrified

@Stacey353 It’s a huge step that you even got in to drive so you should be proud of yourself!

@Holl1 Thank you so much!

@Holl1 Hey girl how have you been doing lately! I have been ok but my ocd has been trying to convince me I’m going crazy and going to lose control and it’s driving me crazy! Does yours ever do that?

@Stacey353 Hi girl and yes it use to but not so much now. My thoughts have settled so I’m only getting them occasionally but I’m mostly ruminating now. I just feel this horrible doubt in my head that never goes away.

@Holl1 I’m glad yours have calmed down a bit that’s great girl! Yeah mine is so annoying and just miserable sometimes.

@Stacey353 Yes it just feels so wrong tho I can’t tell if I’m recovering although a lot of people say I am. It feels like I should be fighting my thoughts but I’ve kinda stopped that now. Are you still in therapy?

@Holl1 That’s great girl it sounds like you are getting better. I just have so much anxiety it’s so awful but my thoughts haven’t been as bad lately so that’s good but I’m still having the one about the car so that’s awful bc I just want to go somewhere it’s been so long.

@Stacey353 I know girl and that’s good, do you have constant thoughts or do they only appear when your near ur trigger ?

@Holl1 Ummm they aren’t constant anymore just once in a while but nonstop when I’m near the trigger

@Stacey353 Yeah same!! Glad I’m not the only one

@Holl1 Glad I’m not the only one either girl. I’m thankful we have each other to talk to!

@Stacey353 Me too!! It’s hard to talk to people who don’t understand at all.

@Holl1 It really is

@Stacey353 Do you ever worry about what the thoughts mean?

@Holl1 I try not to because I do think they are just OCD. They are all very strange and make no sense to me or my values so I just try to not think of what they mean. Do you?

@Stacey353 I do unfortunately, I can’t help it though it’s like I try and make sense of it

@Holl1 I understand it’s hard not to

@Holl1 Hey girl how have you been doing lately still having bad thoughts?

@Holl1 I constantly feel like I am at war with myself and these thoughts and it’s exhausting. I miss times before I had these thoughts girl.

@Stacey353 Yeah especially bad today because my boyfriends gone back to work so I’m on my own. I hate it so much I feel like I’m a shell of myself. But I haven’t been arguing back with them I just feel off

@Holl1 I feel like you may be doing better. It sounds like yours isn’t as bad as it used to be. I had to stop therapy I can’t afford it anymore so I’m doing the erp she created for me on my own and hoping for the best.

@Stacey353 Yeah hopefully! And yeah I’m going erp on my own. I want to find a therapist I’m just worried they won’t understand it fully

@Holl1 Oh yeah I worry about new therapists not understanding. Like my old therapists I told her one time I get what if thoughts about the balcony one time and she asked if I needed to go to the hospital and was I safe at home.

@Stacey353 Yeah that would trigger me so bad!

@Stacey353 Hey girl how you been?

@Holl1 Hey girl I’ve been ok. I haven’t had the racing thoughts but still the introduce thoughts in general and I just want them to go away. I’m pretty sure I’m depressed too I just never have any energy even to do things I used ti love wbu?

@Stacey353 It’s getting bad again. Constantly anxious feels like I’m gonna lose my head. That’s sounds good sounds like you’re recovering

@Holl1 No im not recovering still having bad intrusive thoughts and im gonnas :( are you still having I’m gonna thoughts

@Stacey353 Yeah I get I’m gonna and I want but I don’t it’s been so bad last couple of days but I’ve been ruminating too which doesn’t help

@Holl1 Yeah I’ve been ruminating a lot too and that doesn’t help at all :(

@Stacey353 Hey girl how have you been doing lately. I’ve been having bad intrusive thoughts, harm ocd, and they just won’t go away. I just want my old brain back :(

@Stacey353 Sooo bad girl, was nearly close to admitting into hospital because of how bad of a urge I got. Just resting then gonna see how I feel this week. I don’t wanna get out of bed it’s got soo bad again :(

@Holl1 Bless your heart I’m so sorry. I’ve been th in king of admitting myself for a year and a half bc the urges get sooo strong so I completely understand. Just get you some rest and feel better.

@Stacey353 I know I haven’t stopped crying all day because of how real this urge felt and it’s been replaying on my mind. It’s awful I just want to be happy but I’m so overwhelmed with emotions

@Holl1 The urges are what get me and make me so frustrated. It makes me feel like I’m gonna do whatever it is the urge is telling me to do.

@Stacey353 Yes same ! Does it feel like your body is just gonna move towards the thing?

@Holl1 Omg yes!

@Holl1 It’s like I’m fighting to resist. Like fighting the urge and not to do it.

@Holl1 Do you feel like this too like your actively fighting against something that’s pulling at you?

@Stacey353 Yes but today the urge was so strong I couldn’t even fight it!

@Holl1 So what did you do??

@Stacey353 I just let it pass but then an hour later just obsessing over it and then just broke down. It was really weird

@Stacey353 I was stood up doing my hair and the urge just took over me , it felt like my body was just gonna take over & do it. I just woken up so I don’t think the panic actually set in til like an hour later

@Holl1 Yes that happens to me daily and that’s also what happens with the car door. I am terrified my body is just going to take over and open the door and I’ll jump out. I know exactly what you’re talking about girl it’s terrifying.

@Stacey353 Glad to know I’m not alone! Do you feel like you fear the next day because you don’t know what your day is gonna be like?

@Holl1 Yes 100% and I hate it

@Holl1 Hey girl how have you been feeling ?

@Stacey353 Still getting thoughts ugh , wby?

@Holl1 Same girl I’m so sick of this. Are you still getting urges?

@Stacey353 Yeah I am, are you?

@Holl1 Yes and they are so bad

@Holl1 All I want to do is lay in bed and forget about this

@Stacey353 I know how you feel girl worst thing to ever go through

@Holl1 Hey girl how are things going for you?

@Stacey353 Still getting thoughts towards myself and others now. Ugh wby?

@Holl1 Same here girl exact same do you get urges too cause I do and it’s the worst

@Stacey353 Yes always every night before I go to sleep

@Holl1 It’s just not fair I hate this and just want it to go away ya know. It’s so uncomfortable

@Stacey353 Me too! Doing my heading in now didn’t expect it to go on for so long

@Holl1 Mine started a year and a half ago :(

@Stacey353 Thanks girl I will do!

@Holl1 Girl do you ever have what they call magical thinking/ thought-action fusion where you think just because you think it it’s going to happen? I think this with the car and with my harm ocd and it’s so disturbing. It’s making me self isolate all the time and I can’t do this anymore

@Stacey353 Yes 100% I think just because I have a thought or feel a certain way then that must mean I want it! My themes around objects keep changing, it’s never the same. Stay strong girl we’re in this together

@Holl1 You’ve become my friend on here and I am always rooting for you and always here for you!

@Holl1 That means a lot to me. I’d been just hiding in my bed a lot which is a compulsion and I’ve got to stop but don’t know how I’m just so tired of feeling this way

@Stacey353 That’s really nice to hear! I know so have I but today I woke up and been feeling uncertain but I’ve just been getting on with it and pushing through, some days are hard others are not. This theme is the worst because you know deep down your not going to do it but it feels like your minds against you , so there’s always a what if , I hope we both come out of this soon

@Holl1 I sure hope we do too girl I’m miserable. I’m just afraid of snapping one day but I’m learning in erp I’m not a mind reader and you can live in fear

@Stacey353 It’s so scary tho to think what if uou were to act on it one day and I think that’s what’s scares me the most I just need to practice uncertainty I think

@Holl1 Yes girl 100%!!

@Holl1 Do you ever feel like your ocd gives commands like do this

@Stacey353 Yeah sometimes I mainly get “I’m gonna thoughts”

@Stacey353 Someone literally commented on my post that if I feel like that I should go to the hospital and now I’m triggered

@Holl1 Yeh I’m gonna!

@Holl1 Oh gosh did they really?? Feel like what? What are they referring to? I want to read it

@Stacey353 It’s one of my old old posts. I just said that I’m getting scary thoughts and I’m scared& someone just said if you feel like you’re gonna harm yourself then you should go to hospital

@Holl1 But don’t you think with harm OCD it’s hard to tell?

@Holl1 Yes I think it’s really hard to tell

@Holl1 I think it’s iust intrusive thoughts

@Stacey353 Exactly so it really upsets me when people comment stuff like that , I get that it’s for safety and stuff but it really does make people spiral

@Holl1 It’s not like you want to hurt yourself or someone else

@Stacey353 Exactly & even if I did go to hospital they would take it seriously I don’t think they understand ocd like that

@Holl1 I totally understand . Just keep reminding yourself these are just intrusive thoughts and you can’t control them

@Holl1 Yep that’s exactly right! I wouldn’t go to the hospital

@Stacey353 Yeah I will do , how you getting on?

@Holl1 Not well I’m having awful intrusive thoughts about everything but all harm related it’s awful and I can’t stand it

@Stacey353 Do you ever feel like uncertain about it ? Or do you feel certain that you wouldn’t act

@Holl1 No I never want to act on it ever!

@Holl1 Thanks for asking tho and checking on me girl