I feel too "bad" to redeem myself or deserve recovery. I know it's just my OCD but every second I'm awake another completely different memory hits me and I'm filled with guilt and regret and paranoia. It never stops. I really don't know what to do. I'm in therapy and I'm trying every day but it's so hard to get better when you feel like you need to punish yourself for every move you make. I'm not sure what kind of treatment could help me when I have a new obsession every half hour and they're generally based on my past/real events. If any of you feel this way I'm so sorry :(

I feel like I'm not progressing anymore, just when I think i think I'm getting better and that my ocd is not as bad anymore it gets bad again. I saw something that triggered a memory of something I did, and I can't seem to let go of it, I been ruminating for hours but my brain won't stop until I "figure" the memory out, until I confess to someone what I did. I feel so guilty and I keep getting thoughts telling me that I don't deserve anything because I'm a terrible person. I don't know what to, I tried accepting the memory and the fact that I can't change the past but it feels like I'm just trying to excuse my actions.

I recently found out that I have OCD and it’s becoming harder and harder to enjoy every day that passes. I spend hours a day, reflecting on all of the bad decisions I made out of ignorance or out of intention. I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for what I did but I also don’t know if it’s the OCD making it worse. I was wondering if you guys have any tips on how to distinguish between guilt over what you’ve done in the past versus the OCD. I just want to be able to enjoy every day, but I’m plagued with guilt!

Theres so many effed up things i’ve done or said in the past which still bother me to this day. One day i’ll have one obsession, like ROCD over being scared i’m cheating on my partner, then another day i’ll have POCD because of a past experience with an underaged friend, and im just so burnt out from all the thoughts and overthinking. I feel like the most horrible person each and every single day, a constant urge to confess, a constant feeling like im a traitor, and then thinking im just using OCD as an excuse for everything. Im so SICK OF IT ALL. I can’t catch a break. There’s too much going on in my head, like this constant rumination and analysis and then compulsions to search up these obsessions. However searching up things relating to it is probably the most harmful and worst mistake for me, because then I see stories of allegations e.g like dream being exposed for grooming a minor and people exposing others for other vile acts and it just triggers me so much, because it feels like I BELONG on there but never in my life would i actually want to do such things, and if everyone knew what i did then i feel like everyone would agree i quite literally deserved to be burned at the stake. Should i just get a therapist at this point or can i get through this myself with the use of some mental gymnastics like i’ve been doing the entire time? I feel too much guilt, it’s eating me up alive.