AHHHH, existentialism! Help?

Just so you have a comment for now and maybe others can chime in. I feel for you, really do. It's understandable it's tough to navigate and use coping when so much has happened in your life and still pretty recently even without OCD diagnosis. Just wanted to point out personality it is overwhelming in general for me to list all my coping because I've done so much for years and it's not easy to type up because every day I'm different and took years to gather or refine what to do. Including how some coping can become maladaptive, so it's with heed (not banned) to share coping as it can also become an obsession rather than intentional self care. Sort if like brushing your teeth is healthy but not if it's too hard and long or abrasive. Humans can barely follow a manual let alone keep stories straight. That's why is encouraged to discuss with a therapist and why I had such an extensive list because I did exactly that lol. Got so much ideas from people but was not even relevant to my issues as we both didn't see the possible setbacks. So if no one answers it could be that. I wanted to reach out as your post was very considerate and caring for others and yourself as well as your dog. You are always you and ever growing, normal is overrated and not a goal people can reach nor reached. I hope you find contentment with yourself the way your dogs find no flaw and are content with you. They may whine for extra treats so forgive yourself if you need a moment to be sad too wanting a treat and peace yourself.

My friend thank you so much for your post and for sharing with us your adorable furry one. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with so many tough things right now but gladdened to hear you have a partner who is supportive. Also so happy that you are reaching out to this community and most importantly that you are pursuing professional assistance. I cannot overstate how important it is to work with a trained OCD specialist, whether it's through NOCD or some other organization or practice. My existential OCD started at a similarly young age and has stayed with me throughout my life. Other themes, for sure, but this was the first and always the dominant one. I can relate so much to the sentiment you expressed to your partner of "Do these things not make you uncomfortable or scared?" I went through so much of my life feeling amazed that other people weren't walking around struggling with these same anxieties. Went years and years without an OCD diagnosis. The good news is that working with an OCD therapist and doing ERP was LIFE-CHANGING (and I wish there was an even stronger phrase to describe it!). It is possible to have a radically different relationship with these thoughts and not let them dictate your life. You seem like a very strong and compassionate person, and it sucks that you've had to deal with so much. As the other commenter observed, normal is overrated, though I know in those dark moments it feels like "normal" is more than we could ever hope for. But I can tell you that working with a good therapist and doing ERP can open up so much more - not simply a life with less anxiety, but one that is truly full and fully-lived!