sanshine

Date posted: 14w

Brain is frazzled adults only please

Worried about situation that happened with nephew new memory or not idk I'm scared Worried about situation that happened with nephew I'm so scared when I was holding my nephew I thought " I wonder if this would sexually stimulate him" ( not the exact words don't want to be extremely graphic) I began to bump him like how people bump babies on their hips he was on my stomach cuz that's how he was handed to me. Now I fear I remember also thinking if his diaper would stimulate his private part or something like that IDK LIKE I FEEL LIKE I REMEMBER THINKING THAT BUT ALSO DON'T??? LIKE O FEEL LIKE maybe I thought this at a different time for whatever weird reason but then I'm scared that it makes sense it would happen when I held him. Does it change the situation?????I feel extremely sick because I don't know why I would think that or if it was my brain or me. Idk if it was or wasn't cuz I felt his diaper against me? Was I curious if it would? It feels like I was curious but wth why???Was it just something weird I thought? Am I actually a monster? I had been having disturbing thoughts I'm pretty sure that were related to my POCD in general for a while before that. Ik my nephew didn't get hurt but I'm so scared why would I do something like that I feel so sick and disgusted. I know away from that situation I have no sexual interest or attraction towards him I'm just so freaked out and disgusted. I don't wanna be a bad person and I don't want my worst fear to be true.

sanshine

Date posted: 14w

Thank you both.... I appreciate it... Ik the first thought happened I just don't know if the second one did. Because I started to accept that I thought the first one like on a whim almost without much intention behind it, but if I thought the second one it would make the situation worse.... Idk I just feel vvvvvv sick rn

chillassassin18

Date posted: 14w

I understand that's very normal remember it's not you it's in your mind. And a bad person wouldn't be bothered or a specific person related to your specific ocd theme wouldn't be bothered by them thoughts or concerns seeing that you're concerned and you know them thoughts etc are wrong explains it all.

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

@sanshine Of course friend. You are not alone. This soon will pass!

sanshine

Date posted: 14w

Thank you both, I'm like in tears rn from ur kindness, I just want to be a good person so I can be an aunt and I wanna be a mom someday... Thank you 😭🌻

chillassassin18

Date posted: 14w

You're a good person and dont let your mind or anyone convince you otherwise😊

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

@sanshine Of course friend!! You will be an amazing aunt and mom!

YellowGirraf...

Date posted: 14w

@chillassassin18 Could I please ask for some support on Pocd if you’re 18+ please? I’m struggling so much and just feel so horrible like I’m a monster

chillassassin18

Date posted: 14w

@YellowGirraffe09 Sure, tell me about it

chillassassin18

Date posted: 14w

You're not a bad person, this is one of many theme types of ocd sounds like you're experiencing, with false memory ocd. Believing or thinking something has happened without any proof or evidence, just going on a thought.

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

@chillassassin18 I agree with you!

YellowGirraf...

Date posted: 14w

@chillassassin18 Could I please ask for some support on Pocd if you’re 18+ please? I’m struggling so much and just feel so horrible like I’m a monster

chillassassin18

Date posted: 14w

Also self counsel which is one of many things I do to calm and center myself with my anxiety and ocd thoughts and phobias

sanshine

Date posted: 14w

Do u have any tips? I'm trying to figure out how to help myself

chillassassin18

Date posted: 14w

Self counsel is basically counseling yourself therapy. When getting a negative intrusive thought about whatever that triggers you tell yourself. You know what this is these feelings thoughts etc are not me and not what I want and not who I am and also breath work also helps inhale in through your nose slowly then hold your breath and hold it and count to 5 then exhale from your mouth count to 6 or 7

sanshine

Date posted: 14w

Thank you I appreciate you taking the time to answer me 🌻

chillassassin18

Date posted: 14w

@sanshine Of course that's why we are all here to try to help one another 😊

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

Hey friend. You are not a bad person. OCD is messing with your mind. I think you've commented under one of my posts before when I needed support. You are not alone!

chillassassin18

Date posted: 14w

I'm sorry are you referring to me?😮

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

@chillassassin18 No friend! Not at all! I was saying the person posting wasn't a bad person! She's supported me on my posts before

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

@chillassassin18 Although I'd love to get support from you on one of my posts as well. I just don't want to take from this person's

chillassassin18

Date posted: 14w

@Anony1314 Ah I'm sorry about that I must of misread 🙃😬

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

@chillassassin18 It's okay! Could I get some support from you if this person doesn't mind?

chillassassin18

Date posted: 14w

@Anony1314 Sure what would need help with?

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

@chillassassin18 I've not sought reassurance on here for a good week, but I'm struggling today. I was put on a new medication when this happened which caused me to spiral, my thoughts to be more often, and have insomnia. I have been diagnosed with POCD as well. I woke up in the middle of the night when my child was laying completely cross my chest. I was breathing and having groinal sensations. My mind told me that I assaulted her by this, and I was going to prison for it. My thoughts started going like this, "you're already bad might as well do something else", "no sense in stopping now" "you can finally do what you've always wanted", "what would you do if you could do anything to cause harm" So I had to think of what to do in the moment. The only thing I could think to do was move my elbow towards my child's groin. In the moment it felt like I really wanted to do this. I proceeded to do so, and my elbow touched her groin. I immediately told my child to move off me. I then went back to sleep. When I woke up, I began panicking, confessing to a family member what happened, and crying immensely. I feel like I failed as a mother. I'm in such distress since I started sleeping on the floor to avoid it from happening again, and I got off the medication. I'm so much better OCD wise since I got off the meds. I was the BEST mom months ago before this happened. The thoughts have always bothered me, and I was always scared I would give in and act on them. I'm living my worst nightmare. Could someone just give me some support?

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

@chillassassin18 Sorry did you see my response under here

chillassassin18

Date posted: 14w

@Anony1314 Definitely sounds like the medication could of affected your ocd have you spoken to your therapist/physiatrist about the effects?

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

@chillassassin18 Yes I have spoke with my therapist about it. Am I a bad person? Do I deserve to be a mom?

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

@chillassassin18 I'm sorry for asking

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

@chillassassin18 Sorry again.

sanshine

Date posted: 14w

@Anony1314 Hello! I've said this before and I'll say it again, ur not a bad person. U deserve to be a mom, u didn't hurt ur daughter and ur mind was being mean to u 🌻

chillassassin18

Date posted: 14w

@Anony1314 You're absolutely not a bad person just like I told sanshine a bad person wouldn't care or be worried about the bad thought they've had, they would think and believe it's okay, but you are concerned and worried and feel anxiety bad about them thoughts so that show you dont want to do them things and know they're wrong and only a good person would recognize that.

chillassassin18

Date posted: 14w

@Anony1314 No need

chillassassin18

Date posted: 14w

@Anony1314 Why are you sorry

sanshine

Date posted: 14w

@chillassassin18 Exactly, an evil person would know they really enjoy these thoughts and would probably be happy they had them or would be happy about what happened 🌻

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

@sanshine Thank you so much friend. Even though the elbow movement was intentional due to the thoughts I was having? I'm still a good mom?

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

@chillassassin18 Thank you friend. I was saying sorry because I didn't want you to feel obligated to respond and sorry for asking questions. Mine were more than just the thought is what terrifies me. I just want to be a good mom friend

sanshine

Date posted: 14w

@Anony1314 Yes because u didn't have bad intentions behind it 🌻🌻🌻🌻

sanshine

Date posted: 14w

@Anony1314 Like u weren't having any sort of inappropriate attraction towards ur daughter or anything. U did what u did out of thoughts, but u weren't laying there thinking about how u would like to touch ur daughter in a weird way in order to be sexually gratified from it. U just did what u did cuz of what the thoughts said that's all🌻🌻🌻

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

@sanshine Thanks friend. My mind tells me different. It tells me I wanted to do this to cause a feeling. Idk why. But that's what it told me when it happened. It scared me. Does that make me a bad person? Sorry for all the questions!

sanshine

Date posted: 14w

@Anony1314 No ur not bad, if it was to feel something, it was probably just a compulsion. Again, evil people would have enjoyed and, and most likely tried to do it again another time. Ur not evil, ur a good mom 🌻

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

@sanshine Like it felt very wanted in the moment and almost intentional, and that's what is so scary to me you know. Like my mind said "you might as well do something else", "you are already going to jail", "you finally get to do what you always wanted". Just terrible. Scary. Idk why I let my mind go that far

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

@sanshine Thank you friend I've commented again sorry for all the questions!!

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

@sanshine @sanshine Like it felt very wanted in the moment and almost intentional, and that's what is so scary to me you know. Like my mind said "you might as well do something else", "you are already going to jail", "you finally get to do what you always wanted". Just terrible. Scary. Idk why I let my mind go that far

sanshine

Date posted: 14w

@Anony1314 Ig that's kinda how my mind is bullying me rn. I've over thought my current situation so much idk what to believe anymore 😭. It's our brains fooling us. Ocd is mean and thwarts thoughts and feelings. Feelings are not facts. OCD just hijacked ur feelings for those moments.

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

@sanshine Thank you friend. So even though these feelings felt 100% real, they still aren't right? And I'm sorry you are dealing with the same problem now!

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

@sanshine Sorry for commenting so many times under your post.

sanshine

Date posted: 14w

@Anony1314 U don't have to apologize it's ok! Yes, they aren't really you. OCD can make things feel very real, but it goes against our true self. Ur disgusted by what happened and um sure don't want to do it again- that is ur true self: a good person.

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

@sanshine Nope I NEVER EVER want to do that again! My mind just told me I had nothing to lose and might as well do something I wanted. In the moment, it really felt like I wanted to do that. It's terrifying to me now!

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

@sanshine I'm sorry for commenting so much

sanshine

Date posted: 14w

@Anony1314 Exactly. So ur not a bad person. The want u felt was from OCD compulsion

Anony1314

Date posted: 14w

@sanshine THANK YOU!! You are amazing my friend. Simply AMAZING

YellowGirraf...

Date posted: 14w

@Anony1314 Could I please ask for some support on Pocd if you’re 18+ please? I’m struggling so much and just feel so horrible like I’m a monster

sanshine

Date posted: 14w

Idk cuz now I'm remembering I wanted to bump him and before thinking that didn't bother me much but now I'm scared why I wanted to 😭😭😭 my goodness it never ends does it

chillassassin18

Date posted: 14w

No. Your ocd made you believe you wanted to bump him not you simply because you are bothered and triggered by it and ocd specific uses what we fear against us it's a very tricky cunning disorder

sanshine

Date posted: 14w

@chillassassin18 Well u see I think I may have wanted to cuz I wasn't sure how to hold him, and now my brain is twisting that. Or, I wanted to not cuz of bad intentions and I just did without thinking much on it :0 !

chillassassin18

Date posted: 14w

@sanshine That's your obsessive thought convincing you did it intentionally and wanted to. Because you actually did intentionally want to you wouldn't feel bad about it

sanshine

Date posted: 14w

@chillassassin18 Thank you... My brain tries to mix everything up at the end of the day I know I have to accept the uncertainty. And at the end of the day ik I'm not weirdly attracted to my nephew or babies and don't want to do anything harmful to him. It was just a scary situation yk? Trying to move on from it cuz ik ruminating on it won't help anyone. The past is the past from now on I think I'll write down thoughts that I have and what happened so I don't get stuck wondering "what if". Also sometimes I have bad thoughts when I get angry and I feel bad about it but ig those are just emotional thoughts and not how I really feel.

Anony1314

Date posted: 9w

Hey friend! You've been so helpful to me before, could you help me with a situation I've been dealing with. (It's new) unfortunately

sanshine

Date posted: 9w

Hello friend! I actually read ur new situation, and I want to say I'm so sorry that you experienced that. But again, what happened this time is just like what happened with your daughter. It means nothing about who u really are. Our thoughts can be so scary and sometimes weird things just happen. It doesn't mean anything about your true character. See this situation as another bump in the road. It's jarring, but it will pass and the road will become more smooth again 🌻

Anony1314

Date posted: 9w

@sanshine You swear friend? Because I feel as though I moved him back because I wasn't consciously thinking but for the feeling to come again. It's debilitated me

sanshine

Date posted: 9w

Not sure if my message went through here or not the app is glitching

sanshine

Date posted: 9w

@Anony1314 Yes, because sometimes our OCD thoughts or just weird thoughts can get so mixed up and make us feel all sorts of things we don't like :)

Anony1314

Date posted: 9w

@sanshine Thanks friend. Some people haven't been so kind, but I appreciate you!

sanshine

Date posted: 9w

@Anony1314 You're welcome. I've heard that some people have been mean to you and I'm so sorry that's happened, but you don't deserve that, you're a good person 🌻

Anony1314

Date posted: 9w

@sanshine Thank you friend

Anonymous

Date posted: 17w

POCD and changing baby diaper - please help

Hi NOCD community, I was hoping to get some advice from fellow sufferers. In December we welcomed the first baby into the family, my beautiful niece. Since then, my POCD has been awful, which I know is probably very normal. Last week, in the middle of a very high stress day in my family, I was changing my niece and as usually happens, I got intrusive thoughts about awful things people do to babies when changing them. The thoughts were so harrowing to have as I was also changing her at the exact same time, and I felt my hands just quickly want to finish patting her dry before putting her nappy on, and for some reason, my heart dropped with that hand movement, because I was afraid that I had acted out the awful thoughts in my head, in a moment of mania because my morals, values and heart do not align with abuse of any kind, especially to children. My niece is my everything, and I know I would never want harm to come to her in any way, shape or form. I love her endlessly. I am having therapy, but have only had a couple of sessions. But, I cannot shake the 'what if'. I am tortured over trying to remember what it was I did that made my heart drop, but I can't, and its getting fuzzier and fuzzier the more I try to remember. Could anyone offer any advice on this please? Thank you.

sanshine

Date posted: 16w

I'm scared....

𝕊𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕪 𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕟𝕥 😞𝕋𝕎𝕋𝕎𝕋𝕎 ℙ𝕃𝔼𝔸𝕊𝔼 𝔻𝕆ℕ'𝕋 ℝ𝔼𝔸𝔻 𝕀𝔽 𝔼𝔸𝕊𝕀𝕃𝕐 𝔻𝕀𝕊𝕋𝕌ℝ𝔹𝔼𝔻 𝔹𝕐 𝕋ℍ𝔼𝕄𝔼𝕊 𝕎𝕀𝕋ℍ 𝕂𝕀𝔻𝕊 hi everyone, I am really struggling with something disturbing and I'm so afraid I'm a PDF. So my sis came to visit with my nephew for the first time. So the other day we were taking pics with the baby I was already feeling kinda nervous cuz I never held a baby before. Anyway it was my turn and I like I wonder if this would sexually stimulate him( not exactly the thought but the of thought was more graphic and I don't wanna disturb anyone). And I can't remember if I thought that while I was bumping him on my stomach (like how people bump babies on their hips) or before I started doing so. Anyways I can't really remember what my reaction to that thought was or if I started bumping him before or after I had that thought... So I tried not to think much of it but over time I started to spiral really bad and wonder why I thought that and why then I would bump him on my stomach after having that thought or during. I just feel so disgusted. Like was I curious about it? Did I disregard the thought because my brain thinks disturbing things? Ik right now away from that situation that ofc I have no sexual interest in my nephew at all. I played with him and helped changed diaper and everything and never had the urge to do anything inappropriate to him besides that one weird instance. So like I'm so disturbed like did that mean something? I have P OCD but that didn't really feel like an intrusive thought? I also can be very impulsive, and if it was impulsive does that mean I had a desire? Now I'm terrified of having kids even though I wanted some or to foster some. I mean I know but myself I'm not sexually attracted to kids but then why would I think that I am so disturbed really and feel so sick. 😞😞😞😞 I don't know what to do I'm so scared about what my motivation was I feel so bad and scared😞😞😞😞

POCD

Anony1314

Date posted: 9w

Please comment. I'm struggling so much. Thanks

POCD I was holding my nephew, he's a newborn, and he was getting hungry so he started squirming around and grazed my chest (yes I was fully clothed). Of course, that caused anxious groinals.. It didn't feel bad in the moment just very very anxious feelings, and without thinking, I was holding his head still right there and I was moving it closer in that spot (at least felt that way) to make the feeling continue I guess. It felt like an urge because of the groinals. It was such an anxious all over my body feeling. I was so anxious and triggered by that feeling. It's like my groinals were so intense I automatically leaned into them? So I ended up having another groinal. After that I put the baby down and realized what had happened. Did I just hurt my nephew without consciously realizing it till after? Is this OCD?

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