Why did the compulsion/test people told me I did felt very wanted in the moment. But then I regret it now and afterwards. Still a compulsion, correct? It just didn't feel like a compulsion, but then again I don't know what those feel like
Heeey! I remember yah! Same old thoughts kicking you in the ass? OCD really sucks in that regard, I know! But remember how we said no amount of reassurance will help? It’s shitty, really is! But that tells us that this is OCD! I always like to say that OCD is your toxic ex, it’ll do anything to gaslight you and manipulate you into thinking you want something that you don’t! That guilt, shame, and disgust you feel shows that’s not what you truly want! It’s a cycle, it’s gonna keep circling you around and around until you can’t take it anymore! Think you can go for a walk to clear your head?
@Julian2006 Hey friend! I don't feel disgust though! I just feel shame for it happening and me allowing it. Ughhh!! And sorry for posting; I should've listened to you already!
@Julian2006 And sorry for asking yet another question!
@Anony1314 No no! It’s okay! Gotta reach out when you need help! Shame is still a form of disgust in my book! Just because you don’t feel like vomiting doesn’t mean it isn’t disgust! From everything you’ve said, I don’t see you as doing anything horrible. Do you know how many people have done things far worse with actual malice in mind? All you did was nudge with an elbow! It was a compulsion that you performed due to an overwhelming feeling! Nothing more, nothing less!
@Julian2006 Thank you friend. Thank you! Just felt so malicious and wanted in the moment. But I know now I would never do it again. Never
@Anony1314 Of course! I truly sympathize with you, we’re not the monsters our brains make us out to be! We haven’t hurt anyone, and we have no intent to! It’s all just fear and doubt that’s influencing us, but that doesn’t mean that has to BE us!
@Julian2006 So even though it felt that way in the moment, doesn't mean those feelings are real?
@Anony1314 It does not! Like you said, you were the BEST mom until randomly, boom! All this stuff happened! That’s all OCD. It’s tricking your brain!
@Julian2006 Thank you friend. Thank you!! I was an amazing mom before all this happened. I've been afraid of these thoughts and feelings for years and months since I relapsed in January, and I was always so scared I'd act on them. Now I feel like I'm living a nightmare.
@Anony1314 When your kid grows up, if you ever choose to mention your OCD struggles, all they’ll think about is how strong their mama is for pulling through her fears and taking care of them despite all the paranoia and stress she was under! You’re an amazing mom, truly. I admire the amount of concern and care you have for your child. I’d trust you over most people I know! You seem to have the best intentions in mind, and even the thought of hurting a child sends you down such a rabbit hole, tells me that you are the furthest things from a monster!
@Julian2006 Thank you so much friend. Truly. I appreciate you. The spiral that medicine and the insomnia caused me makes me regret ever getting on it and taking it. I always worry that I'm going to be taken away from my child. I know the fear of doing my thoughts in the past proves that the action that happened that day wasn't me, but it's hard for me to convince myself of that
@Anony1314 Of course, I totally get it.. it’s rough. But I have complete faith in your ability to fight this battle! I appreciate you too! It’s times like these where I realize that people must not see me for the way I see myself, because I see you and many others as just good people struggling with a bad disorder! You’re doing the right thing by seeking OCD help! It all came in out of nowhere, it’s 1000% OCD! You’re gonna kick OCD’s ass, and I’m excited to see that happen!
@Julian2006 Thank you friend. Thank you so much! It's just flat out terrible. The spiral was the worst episode of POCD I've EVER had. I wish it would've never happened. I wish I could turn back time and just ignore those stupid thoughts saying I'm already bad and might as well do something else
@Anony1314 Ooooh goddd, tell me about it. I remember a few months ago, when I was celebrating a friend’s birthday, I got this horrible empty and hollow feeling in my chest and just thought “I don’t care that I’m a monster anymore. I should just give up and accept that this is who I am.” It was SUCH a terrifying feeling. I can’t blame you for spiraling so badly, that’s one of the worst feelings/thoughts OCD can hit you with! But the fact that it feels so horrible to us is a sign! Just a very hard to read sign!
@Julian2006 It's the worst!! I wish my mind could figure out its true values because OCD has taken me to the point where I don't even know what my true values are anymore
@Anony1314 For real! But yknow what, I see it as this! Think about all those cool main characters in movies or shows or books, when they get overwhelmed by the villain’s evilness and start questioning their own morals and whatnot! That’s what I feel like OCD is! We’re the heroes that are doubting our beliefs and values because the villain (OCD), is tormenting us and mocking us! But the heroes always get back up and fight for what they feel is right, even if they’re not sure how they feel in the moment! That’s how I see it!
OCD is strange. Everyone has different compulsions. Can I ask what happened?
@Anonymous You there
Can it feel like you're enjoying the thought in the moment but then later, hours later feel anxious and do a compulsion?
I posted about this a couple days ago, about a dog chewing a ball while laying in my lap and it was giving me a physical sensation down there that technically felt good because it was right there. I keep replaying the moment in my head as a compulsion and trying to figure it out and I won’t stop until it feels right. I feel like I would know 100% if I indulged in it and let it feel good so I shouldn’t even be questioning if I did do that bc idk if I did. I remember looking down at the dog and realizing that everytime he bit the ball and moved his forward is when it would feel good for me. And while I was noticing that, I can’t help but think back, was that me just recognizing or allowing it to happen or both??? What does that say about me if I allowed myself to indulge in the feeling.
i did something terrible trying to prove to myself that I can get """arousal""" even without being attracted because i was very nervous about pocd, I thought about several people that i'm not attracted to and then i did it thinking about a loved one and now I can't stop crying, It was very disgusting, I didn't even want to do it because I didn't feel good, but it's because I wanted to prove to myself that, I don't know. I just wanted to relieve the anxiety but it only got worse because I felt horrible doing it. I never want to do it again. im not attracted to this person, nor do I feel anything like that for them, but I feel terrible now, I've never been so scared. i want to apologize to them too. is this compulsion????? what was i doing? why did i do this, i feel horrible but i i want to test myself again, i don't know why (im using a translator, there may be something wrong, please help me)
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