Retroactive jealousy/relationship ocd

I’m gonna try to make this make sense, and any support or advice would be great. I have a beautiful girlfriend, who I’ve been dating off and on for a year. We were really rocky but got our shit figured out 4 months ago and have been strong since. I truly love this girl more than I’ve loved anyone. And I know based off the sheer amount of ocd that has come up on our relationship, that she means a lot to me. Me and her were in a friend group in 2022 and we never liked each other. However she had a sexual relationship with one of my old friends. Fast forward to now I haven’t talked to him in a long time and I don’t see it as an issue. However… I keep having this vivid flashback to him touching her some kinda way in 2022. I can’t remember exactly what happened or the details but it’s running through my head. I guess this is retroactive jealousy but it’s really almost hurting my feelings. I wish it would stop but I know ocd doesn’t work that way. I just wanna be happy with my girl and not upset at her past experiences

Relationship OCD

I’m Batman

Date posted: Yesterday

I have issues with this theme. It’s crappy because most of the time , the target of the theme is not even in our lives anymore. What works for me is not engaging with the thought. Thought comes up and you acknowledge it’s there, hi thought, I see you… but that’s as far as I take it. I don’t try to undo it or push it out. Don’t try to “solve” for anything. I just sit there and be uncomfortable. The more I practice this the more easy it gets. Jhelms post works as well. Nathan Peterson has some good videos on it. On a side note, I almost feel RJ is more related to real event ocd than ROCD. We picture or imagine these “events” that our partners may have or may have not done. Issue is , with ocd it’s always worst case scenario. OCD will always push that event to your breaking point of what you are comfortable with in order to get you to do the compulsion. What you think might have happened in 2020 or 2018 or what ever … it might have happened that way. Might also not have happened that way. We have to learn to live with that uncertainty of not knowing what exactly happened.

Connie Byers

Date posted: 2d ago

Hi! I would highly recommend not letting this obsession take over your day to day life. It's completely normal to feel jealous, yes, but you need to remember that it's the present that counts. You love your girlfriend and that memory plays 0 role in your relationship today, so it changes nothing. enjoy your relationship with this girl, don't let a small memory take away your happiness:)

Jhelm

Date posted: 2d ago

This is also my theme brother. I know its not as easy as “just live in the present” it doesnt work like that. You mentioned the year twice. The year that it happened is a big trigger for me too. 2018 used to just be another year to me. Now it means “that was the year that they did XYZ” but i am progressing. Nathan Peterson says when those thoughts come up (and for me it has been about every 8 seconds or so) when it comes up you can say “i love these thoughts so much! Thank you for sending them brain” and then the more that i do this it starts to actually push them less and less. Ive been taking this approach for about two weeks and it is helping. You are NOT alone. You are not.

sullivan

Date posted: 19h ago

i have the same issue, i’m sorry you deal with this too:/ i’m still working through it, but what helps me is talking about it openly with my partner. most of the time it ends with him reminding me that at the end of the day he sees me as his life partner, and his past with her will never change what we have. and the more i’m able to remember these discussions the more it helps:) good luck, she chose you!

sammyjc

Date posted: 17w ago

Ocd about cheating on my girlfriend

So i play in a band, and we were having practice, and my girlfriend was there listening to us, then this girl around our age walks in, and my head tells me to cheat on my girlfriend with her. I know i would never do such a thing. And it bothered me for days. And i ended up telling my girlfriend, and tried to explain my ocd. It hurt her and she believes that the instrusive thoughts, are my thoughts so in that, i must feel something behind them. And she feels hurt because i explained to her the obsessive part of ocd and how this thought wouldnt leave my head. And she got upset knowing that i was constantly thinking about cheating on her. I cant help but feel its all my fault. And now that she doesnt understand i feel really guilty for my thoughts and they are coming more often and worse. When i was fine for months, but my ocd always acts up right as i get in relationships, then i usually tell my spouse and tell them i cant feel guilt for my thoughts or they will get worse. And they usually just accepted it and it was easy. But with her it seems she just cant seem to understand, ive tried to explain it to her countless times, she isnt willing to do research with me to help better understand it or anything. Maybe for my first ocd issue telling her that wasnt the best idea.

OoOcCdD66

Date posted: 9w ago

R-OCD...cheating fears

Currently I have several different OCD fears that pop up throughout the week depending on the situation. I've noticed a commonality between all of them are the fears relating to memory/false memory. Today is the ROCD struggle I've been dealing with. I know OCD has been trying this on me lately because of how much I love my spouse. They are my absolute best friend and she's my world. I value our marriage and friendship more than anything. OCD has latched onto one specific female coworker. And I don't even know why because even if I were single I wouldn't be into her. Even still, OCD makes me think I've cheated on my wife every time I'm alone with this coworker at work. Always starts as a what if, followed by imagery, followed by feelings that I must've actually done something and can't remember it. Usually fearing I've kissed her. It hurts because I know I'd never do that to my wife and I love her so much...the idea of losing her kills me, especially if it were the result of something I did. Just wanted to vent. Feel free to share your experiences or vents as well

anonymous737...

Date posted: 7w ago

i need some advice

So i had really bad pure ocd but recently it’s been sooo much better but i’m in a relationship and me and my bf dated before about 2 years ago then we broke up and now we are back together but i’m having an issue where i will try to go back years and find something i did wrong and i really do not want to find anything to feel wrong about or guilty specifically something i may have done wrong to my boyfriend but the thing is i’m a good girlfriend and i’m very loyal so i don’t want to ruin something for me because of my past if that makes sense like i can’t remember doing anything wrong but my brain keeps going are u sure let’s look at all your interactions with people and it’s so annoying i just wanna live my life in the present does anyone have any tips

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Retroactive jealousy/relationship ocd

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