i have real event ocd and i absolutely hate myself for a mistake i made a little while ago. i’ve stopped the ruminating over exactly what happened, which has helped me a lot, but it seems like every thing i do is plagued with an obsessive thought. i want to start exercising, but every time i think of doing a single good thing for myself, my brain tells me “you’re a bad person and you don’t deserve to have good things” so I don’t do it. i feel if i did do something good for myself, the whole time i would just be thinking about how i really don’t deserve it. does anyone else do this ? how do you cope with it ? is there anything you’ve done to reduce the thoughts ?

I am definitely not convinced this is a very healthy approach, but I have this same problem - even at the age of 32 I get sick to my stomach over one clumsy wrong thing I uttered when I was 17, plus another half dozen events from the time between then and now - and the only thing I can really do is try to remind myself that although I am atrocious and shameful and unforgivable and inexcusable for these clumsy moments that were small and I learned from and would obviously never repeat, most people are way worse. I'm bad, but I'm not malicious. I'm a fuckup, but I'm not violent. I don't go out with the intention of hurting anyone. I put others ahead of myself. I hate to see any being suffering. So even though these (extremely minor but completely impossible-to-get-over) things mean I am a piece of shit and don't deserve any friends or any care at all, at least I am not a murderer. I understand how this is still indulging in the compulsion, but i am down with harm reduction; if knowing I'm a piece of shit but most people are way worse because they're INTENTIONALLY pieces of shit, that makes it easier for me to live with myself. I haven't found the ACTUAL solution yet, but that's my in-between step that SOMETIMES allows me to stop hyperventilating and ultimately get to sleep. At least I'm not INTENTIONALLY awful. That's my small silver lining.

my therapist suggested i try talking to myself like i would to a friend. i’m not very good at it, but it can help reframe a little. it’s hard to be kind to yourself

Just do the good things (exercise, cleaning,productive things) anyway while feeling bad.

I am in the same boat. But my doctor always says “when are you going to let yourself off the hook?” You have to at some point and it make take time until you can accept it. Sometimes it may feel like you’ll never accept the mistake you made. But just know that there are a lot of people who feel the same