Just wanted those with Hocd right now, who feel like it will never end, it does and it will. I’ve had Hocd twice now. The first time was over a year ago and the second time was this past summer. The first time I sobbed for weeks, ended up convincing myself I was a lesbian and if that was really true that I would rather kill myself than live with it. Stupid thought, I know. I have never had anything against homosexuals, it just wasn’t who I was. But I eventually ended up majorly crushing on a guy and with the combination of work and graduating forgot about the three month torture completely. The second time it was triggered by me remembering that I had it and thinking I was cured. This time I let the monster convince me I must be bisexual. Now, this round was harder because if I beat it one time around and figured out who I was, then why was it back? Perhaps bisexuality was actually who I was, I mean, it would explain why I thought I could have been a lesbian. But again, I don’t like and didn’t want to like girls. It once again felt like I was being told who I have been all my life was a lie. Everything triggered me and there was nothing to distract me long enough to be happy. I couldn’t sleep because my mind would continuously be racing. And when I did sleep Hocd would creep into the dream, startling me awake. I was eating, I was doing my research compulsion pretty much 24/7. And if I wasn’t on a computer or phone then I was watching tv or forcing myself out and about to gage my physical reactions, fueling my physical compulsions. It was literal hell for another three months, it felt like there was no way out, that this was just who I was. But then my mom found out and once again I burst into tears, but it helped. Even though she doesn’t believe I have ocd, she was still there in her own way. I eventually stopped my compulsions. Don’t keep me wrong, I still have the thoughts in the back of my head telling me that when I think a girl is pretty that I’m a lesbian. But I know brush it off because if that were true we would all be homosexual and that’s just not how that works. I’ve gotten my attraction back for men and I’m happy. And I apologize, this is quite a long post, but I just want you guys to know that you might be going through the hardest time in your life right now, but it is not and will never be forever!