Could I just get some support

@mbenson2317 Hey friend, so do you know a lot about POCD

@Anony1314 I do know quite a bit. I went through that theme and it was rough. I still get it

@mbenson2317 Are you here to support still?

@Anony1314 Of course

@mbenson2317 There it is friend

@Anony1314 I see a lot of reassurance seeking, which I don't want to feed because as much as I'd love to reassure you, and as much as I love reassurance with my OCD too, it can actually make it worse. I want to let you know that I've been through similar thoughts and it caused so much distress for me as well. Part of OCD is sitting with uncertainty. It's so hard. Just remember that OCD attacks what we care about to make us out to be someone opposite than we really are. Thoughts opposite to who we are and what we value. Hang in there friend!

@mbenson2317 Thank you friend. Thanks for not giving reassurance. Even though I made that elbow movement to touch her groin based on all this scenario, it's still my OCD though? That's what I was wanting to ask. That's all.

@mbenson2317 Are you there

@Anony1314 We sometimes do things to test our obsessional thoughts!

@mbenson2317 Even though it doesn't feel like a test in the moment and feels absolutely real?

@mbenson2317 Sorry friend

@Anony1314 In general, OCD can make things feel SO real. Like so real that you feel like you can't differentiate between the thoughts and real life

@mbenson2317 Thanks friend. Thank you!! Everyone tells me it was OCD, but I'm having a hard time believing it you know. I didn't enjoy it clearly or I wouldn't be panicking about it this much.

@mbenson2317 You know it was like what do I have to lose in that moment because my mind told me I was already bad by breathing so I was like what's more? It's awful

@Anony1314 OCD is called "the doubting disorder". I just got hit these past two weeks with the worst flare up of OCD in my life after beginning a new relationship. OCD attacks what we value, what we care about, and OCD is never about something positive. I heard the clinical director of NOCD say "I've never heard anyone with OCD say they're having a hard time with an intrusive thought telling them they want to succeed in life" LOL. OCD will attack anything you care about and turn it into feeling like you are the exact opposite person

@mbenson2317 Thank you friend. Thank you. So should I worry about what happened? It feels like I did what a pedophile would do the feelings and everything, but I also think the medication messed me up. I just want to move on but can't because I'm just so scared. I just want to be a good mom. I don't want to cause Long lasting issues to my child you know.

@mbenson2317 And sorry for commenting so much.

@Anony1314 I get that! I'm scared to have kids one day because I'm sure that theme will come back for me and I'm also scared I'll pass OCD onto my kids. This is one of the most debilitating mental disorders there is. It's crazy how many of us seem to have it. I bet you're a wonderful mother, and will continue to be.

@mbenson2317 Should I worry about what happened?

@Anony1314 I can't provide reassurance even though I know if I was in your position I would want that definite answer. But just know that typically people who WANT to do those things don't really put much thought into it after or worry.... they just do it.

@mbenson2317 Could you please just give me reassurance? This one time? I'm a mom struggling. In the moment, it felt wanted and that's what scares the crap out of me.

@Anony1314 I shouldn't, and it will actually make your compulsions and obsessions worse. All I can tell you is that you seem like a wonderful mom and that good moms worry too!

@mbenson2317 Thanks friend. Thank you. If I were a bad person or done something wrong, I honestly believe you'd say something anyways. I need to trust that too.

@oogyboogy05 Could I send what I'm dealing with friend

@Anony1314 Of course, go ahead! My ears are open haha

@oogyboogy05 Am I the P I was always scared to be? Or am I still the amazing mom I once was? I need support. I just need someone to be up front with me. Tell me the truth. I want to get past it all. My mind is telling me I'm the only one who is dealing with something like this. Idk why I did my biggest BIGGEST fear. I was put on a new medication when this happened which caused me to spiral, my thoughts to be more often, and have insomnia. I have been diagnosed with POCD as well. I woke up in the middle of the night when my child was laying completely cross my chest. I was breathing and having groinal sensations. My mind told me that I assaulted her by this, and I was going to prison for it. My thoughts started going like this, "you're already bad might as well do something else", "no sense in stopping now" "you can finally do what you've always wanted", "what would you do if you could do anything to cause harm" So I had to think of what to do in the moment. The only thing I could think to do was move my elbow towards my child's groin. In the moment it felt like I really wanted to do this. I proceeded to do so, and my elbow touched her groin. I immediately told my child to move off me. I then went back to sleep. When I woke up, I began panicking, confessing to a family member what happened, and crying immensely. I feel like I failed as a mother. I'm in such distress since I started sleeping on the floor to avoid it from happening again, and I got off the medication. I'm so much better OCD wise since I got off the meds. I was the BEST mom months ago before this happened. The thoughts have always bothered me, and I was always scared I would give in and act on them. I'm living my worst nightmare. I feel alone. Felt so wanted in the moment and SO real. Ugh. Could someone just give me some support?

@oogyboogy05 Hey friend