Bruh today I was on insta and I saw a vid of a 11 yo, it caused me to feel what I hope is false attraction and groinal response, I got worried I was a p, and I couldn’t resist doing compulsions. I haven’t gotten a diagnosis for pocd yet, but i hope it is pocd and that I’m not an actual p. This stuff that keeps happening basically convinces me that I’m a p :( so yeah, my days ruined, idk what to do now. Comment anything y’all want.
If you don't think you can resist compulsions entirely, you can try delaying compulsions, even if it's just for a few seconds at first. If you delay for longer and longer, you're making progress against your OCD. In terms of what to do now, make sure you've done all the self-care (food, water, hygiene) that you need to for the day — I often forgot about that stuff when I was having intense POCD. Going outside could also be good. Also, are you making progress toward getting a diagnosis and therapy?
@NotThatHardcore I just got therapy, I’m getting a diagnosis this week
@Shaodidi Congrats! Rooting for you.
Friend you are not your thoughts. Feelings are not proof of anything either.
Reassurance feeds OCD. You are not helping people when you reassure them.
@NotThatHardcore I'm sorry friend I thought I was helping them.
@NotThatHardcore I'll edit it
@Anony1314 I definitely agree with the first two sentences! But anything that is trying to provide certainty is ill-advised.
@Anony1314 Alright thank you
@NotThatHardcore Thanks friend. Could I get some non reassuring support from you if that's okay? You seem to be very knowledgeable in this terrible disease
@Anony1314 Sure!
@NotThatHardcore Am I the P I was always scared to be? Or am I still the amazing mom I once was? I need support. I just need someone to be up front with me. Tell me the truth. I want to get past it all. My mind is telling me I'm the only one who is dealing with something like this. Idk why I did my biggest BIGGEST fear. I was put on a new medication when this happened which caused me to spiral, my thoughts to be more often, and have insomnia. I have been diagnosed with POCD as well. I woke up in the middle of the night when my child was laying completely cross my chest. I was breathing and having groinal sensations. My mind told me that I assaulted her by this, and I was going to prison for it. My thoughts started going like this, "you're already bad might as well do something else", "no sense in stopping now" "you can finally do what you've always wanted", "what would you do if you could do anything to cause harm" So I had to think of what to do in the moment. The only thing I could think to do was move my elbow towards my child's groin. In the moment it felt like I really really wanted to do this. I proceeded to do so, and my elbow touched her groin. I immediately told my child to move off me. I then went back to sleep. When I woke up, I began panicking, confessing to a family member what happened, and crying immensely. I feel like I failed as a mother. I'm in such distress since I started sleeping on the floor to avoid it from happening again, and I got off the medication. I'm so much better OCD wise since I got off the meds. I was the BEST mom months ago before this happened. The thoughts have always bothered me, and I was always scared I would give in and act on them. I'm living my worst nightmare. I feel alone. Felt so wanted in the moment and SO real. Ugh. Could someone just give me some support?
@Anony1314 That sounds like a really intense experience and the exact kind of thing OCD likes to play on. Compulsions like asking me for reassurance dig you deeper into your confusion. Personally, things only became clear for me about a year after I stopped doing compulsions. I know it's so hard, but practice resisting. And, practice doing all the things you were already doing when you felt like a good mom. Don't let OCD take you away from your values.
@NotThatHardcore Thanks friend. I know you will not (as you should) reassure me. However, do you think I should turn myself in for this; like does this make me a P?
@Anony1314 That's reassurance-seeking again. Quit feeding your OCD.
@Anony1314 But I will say, whether or not you're a pedophile, turning yourself in is a terrible idea.
@NotThatHardcore Thanks friend. Sorry. Is there any way I could just know your thoughts? I guess it just scared me when you said a really intense experience.
@NotThatHardcore I see if I re-read this statement you sent: you are saying that I need to remember my values I had before this episode and spiral. Although this happened, I need to focus on the present and quit replaying and compulsing on the past? It may have happened, but it wasn't my true self?
@Anony1314 May or may not mean what you think it means, but absoultely yes to the rest of that: remember your values, focus on what's happening right now, and quit compulsing. 👍
@NotThatHardcore You're not going to give into the reassurance seeking huh? 😭 Thanks friend. I know you mean well and just want me to get better
@NotThatHardcore And sorry for even trying to get something out of you to give reassurance
@Anony1314 No apologies! Apologizing can be a compulsion.
@NotThatHardcore Goodness if this wasn't already hard; lots of things are compulsion that I didn't realize
So how would I know if it’s truly ocd or not? Like by accepting uncertainty, will I eventually realize if it was false or true attraction and if it was actually ocd or not? For example I was out today, right after my therapy appointment, I saw a kid that looked exactly like this girl my age that I was into. I felt a sense of attraction and I immediately went into the restroom to hide or smth I don’t remember, but when I came out I think I avoided looking at the kid. Idk if it was false attraction or not, I hope it was but I’m not sure. I can’t really tell. FYI I was never formally diagnosed with pocd before, but my therapist said that I have it but I still don’t believe it. I still feel like it’s not pocd because of the attraction feelings, I can’t tell if I like the feelings or not. I don’t feel any of panic, worry, distress, guilt or shame after any of those feelings. I did start crying when I got home tho idk why or what for, but I went to take a nap for a while and when I woke up it kind of became clearer if it was real or false attraction, but it’s still really unclear, I don’t get why I would feel that way towards a literal child, is it bc she looked like this girl my age that I was into? I hope it was false attraction, still can’t tell.
18+ TW! POCD Is this still Pocd. I’m so scared For example, I’ll be feeling aroused over a child and feel genuinely aroused like I want the arousal and I’ll stop forcing it to not come because in the moment it feels like I want it in the moment so alllow the arousal to happen. Another example is I’ll feel aroused over a kid and my ocd will say make your blanket touch your private areas for a feeling over kids and I’ll do it in the moment because I feel aroused over the intrusive thought of the child. Another example is I’ll even think “yes I want this arousal over the child” and in the moment it feels like I want it I hate all of this after and do many compultions
I was on YouTube looking for saw traps I scenes and I see a saw 5 playlist and I was a bit horny because I was thinking of the guy I’m talking to and it’s like what if the playlist had inappropriate stuff on kids and I got arosal and then I got worried and went to see if there was stuff on kids there The gronial response gets intense I felt arousal because of the idea I might find content of kids there I think I’m a p how is this ocd I get worried when I open playlists or images because I’m going to think there’s inappropriate stuff and I don’t want to accidentally see it and I feel guilty afterwards I feel like I also touched my brother inappropriately I asked if I ever did anything he said no but what if he thinks it’s not wrong or he’s not telling me the truth
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